Can a HVM be a single dad?

Summerisle7 · 2020-08-11T18:33:41+00:00

Yes, I think it's possible to meet a HVM who has kids. Divorces happen for different reasons, relationships don't work out, it doesn't automatically mean someone is LV. I see little virtue in sticking with a terrible marriage "for the kids."

I would say that for a single dad to be HV, he would need to, in addition to ALL the usual HV standards we require, he should also:

Be properly divorced or (if never married), separated, with a legal custody order in place and a rock-solid parenting schedule.
If ordered to pay child support, be paying it and not bitching about it.
Have a cordial and business-like but not enmeshed relationship with the child's mother.
Be a competent parent and be raising his child(ren) right, teaching values and manners.
Be looking for a HV woman, who has a child or children herself. I do NOT agree with childless women dating or marrying single dads. It's an inherently unbalanced relationship, you WILL end up playing second fiddle to his kids and/or his ex, you won't get the relationship you deserve whereby you are his No. 1 priority, you'll end up being used as a resource, financial or emotional, to prop up him and his kids.

Interesting topic!

morrigan1618 · 2020-08-11T19:54:31+00:00

Having kids doesn't make anyone low value. But honestly, I've never met a single dad who didn't have a girlfriend/mom/female relative handling the majority of childcare for him. Just be wary of that.

redbirdflies · 2020-08-11T22:49:09+00:00

Where is that meme that goes something like:

“No one is more indignant than a deadbeat dad screaming “I want to speak to my child” into the phone at 11pm In front of his lady friend”, when you need it?

matzo_ball · 2020-08-11T20:40:28+00:00

Ptobably biased because my dad is my favorite parent, but yes!

My mom straight up bounced when I was 14 to pursue her career. Like, left her two teenage daughters in another country.

My dad remarried almost 15 years ago and his relationship with my stepmom is something I strive to achieve. There is so much respect and compassion in their relationship and it makes me so happy to see them happy.

2020-08-11T18:41:10+00:00

Yes they can, just as Single mums can be HVW. Anyone who labels their ex as ‘crazy’ and spends a lot of time talking about them, especially in a negative way, is low value....that’s a big red flag

sexualfoodpantry · 2020-08-11T18:32:32+00:00

It's a little too late to ask that question about Chris Pratt, Katherine Schwarzenegger. Thoughts and prayers. /s

I'm sure they can be. But they are far more rare than decent single mothers. Unlike single mothers, who are generally fully capable of taking on new obligations without dropping the old ones, there seems to be two main categories:

The single dad who's just looking for a forever girlfriend and the one who's looking for a woman to take care of the responsibilities he created with the last one. Often those two morph into one person.

sewingmachinesavior · 2020-08-11T21:28:55+00:00

As a single mom, I’ve dated some single dads, and Nexted many many more.

The biggest predictor from what I’ve seen is whether or not the dad consistently pays child support on time and is not in arrears.

And also if the dad is involved in a way that is more than just “Disneyland dad”.

These men also often let the mother/children stay in the marital home if it can be afforded. And take a less nice/smaller home themselves.

Amount of parenting time doesn’t matter, bc you can “win” majority custody even as an abuser in most states.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-08-12T01:34:55+00:00

I disagree with everyone here. Men and women aren’t raised the same way, society doesn’t treat us the same way.

Men aren’t pressured to have kids and settle down the way women are. Men aren’t pressured to settle for less. They have huge egos, it’s not like they’re mistaking a LVW for a HVW.

Men get usually go for a divorce to fuck someone else or because their wife is sick.

And would a HVM really marry a LVW? Isn’t that part of this sub, you’re HV when you can recognize LV traits? So why would we call a man HV if he’s decided to marry a LVW.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-08-11T18:20:17+00:00

If he was a good husband and father she wouldn't have had to leave him while trying to raise kids.

99% of the time

MelatoninNightmares · 2020-08-11T19:16:43+00:00

I maintain that while it is possible, it's statistically unlikely. Let's check out some stats:

In the US, almost 70% of divorces (of heterosexual marriages) are initiated by the wife
Although joint custody arrangements are most common, women are far more likely to end up with sole custody or primary physical custody (usually bc this is uncontested by the father. when fathers fight for more custody, they almost always get it. which means that a man who doesn't have primary custody of his kids probably didn't want it.)

That means that, statistically speaking, a woman most likely chose being a single parent and taking on most of the responsibility for child-rearing alone, rather than remain married to this guy.

If he's not divorced, that means he had a child with a woman he never married, and I think that's LVM behavior. I think it's pretty rare for people to want to have a child out of wedlock, which means it was probably unintended. This thread explains why unintended pregnancy is mostly a man's fault.. Tl;Dr - "unintended pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculation of men." No woman can get pregnant unless a man wields his dick irresponsibly. And that's LVM behavior. A man who doesn't recognize that PIV sex is inherently risky for women, and take every step possible to mitigate that risk, is low value.

(I recognize that condoms fail, that no method of contraception is 100% effective, and that many women choose not to have abortions. But we're talking about statistical likelihoods here. Statistically speaking, it's far more likely that a man who fathered an unintended child ejaculated irresponsibly.)

Furthermore, if he didn't marry the woman he impregnated during or after the pregnancy, that's also a big red flag to me, for several reasons. If the woman didn't want to marry him - why not? If he didn't want to marry her - why not? Did he want to continue a bachelor lifestyle despite having a child? Was he afraid of responsibility and commitment? Was he happy to live with his baby mama and enjoy all the perks of having a wife without giving her - and their child - the protections that marriage provides?

And again - I know that these are complicated situations and all of them are unique. I'm just talking in general terms about dynamics that are common and statistically likely. And what it all adds up to is that any given single father is mostly likely an LVM.

makeitfeelfaraway · 2020-08-11T20:20:16+00:00

Yes. My dad. Raised 3 daughters by himself. Is a doctor. Highly educated, tall, athletic, takes care of himself and provides for his family. My mom cheated on him and abandoned our family. I became the stand in mom to my sisters. My dad is my hero. He is waiting to date again until all the kids are grown up (youngest is now 16). I saw him rebuild himself from losing his toxic ex wife.

HVM single dads do exist and lots get damaged by LVW.

Edit: The downvotes 😔

MonicaLSolis · 2020-08-11T19:40:22+00:00

In my opinion, no unless he is a widower.

I feel a lot more compassion for single mothers because men will dump the mother of their children for any reason.

Women would never leave the father of their children unless they had no other choice. It begs the question if he really is such a catch then why is he a single dad? Did he feel entitled enough to inseminate a woman but does not want the responsibility of raising a child? A man who truly loves his children would never abandon them.

UnapologeticWife · 2020-08-12T17:04:56+00:00

There are just too many reason someone can be a single parent for me to exclude them as potential partners.

Cautious of course, but case by case.

pyre10 · 2020-08-12T15:42:32+00:00

Yes. This is what it looks like:

divorced (child was within a marriage)
has joint custody
does not speak ill of the ex, maintains a working relationship, not emotional
good parent
does not look for you to mother his children, capable and self-sufficient in household matters

Title	Can a HVM be a single dad?
Author	TheLegendOfMiu
Upvotes	29
Comments	57
Date	August 11, 2020 5:31 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i7w22m/can_a_hvm_be_a_single_dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/can-a-hvm-be-a-single-dad.66809 https://theredarchive.com/post/66809

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