I Want to Quit University and Start a Family With My Husband

teaandtalk · 2018-07-16T21:58:06+00:00

Your husband wants you to study. If you study for four more years (I added an extra one for luck), you'll be 26 when you start to have kids. 2 years between 4 kids still puts you at 33. There is no rush, and it sounds like your husband is an educated man who wants an educated wife, not a large family right away. You're welcome to join us over at /r/waiting_to_try if you want some fellowship with other women waiting eagerly for motherhood ;)

It doesn't sound like you're interested in chem eng, so why not study something else that you think will provide value to you, your husband, and your future children?

okayestwifey · 2018-07-16T22:23:29+00:00

Finish A degree-- it doesn't even have to be the one you're working on now, if you've lost your passion for that. There is plenty of time for kids, and your DH will respect you all the more for being educated. It sounds like he wants a college-educated partner, which is fair if he's educated and high value enough to support a large family on his own even right now. I promise, the education is worth more than the piece of paper you get in the end.

itainteasybeinreasy · 2018-07-17T08:25:35+00:00

What's most important is that you and your husband are on the same page with this. This matter is a joint decision between you and him. We are making plausible suppositions about what he thinks ("he wants an educated wife," "he'll respect you more with a degree," etc). My first instinct was to also chime in and say he married you under one belief--that you'll be a chem engineer--and you're doing a 180 to housewifery. It is absolutely the smartest thing to continue your education. But... you're the one in this marriage.

First convo I'd be having with him is whether he wants and can handle being the primary breadwinner for you and four future kids. Respectfully, crim defense attorneys are some of the lowest-ranked lawyers when it comes to pay (public defenders prob being lowest): Sustaining four kids on that income is possible but it definitely may not be as comfy as you think. It would of course vary depending on what I assume to be private practice, but even the successful six-figure ones have hell of a lot of taxes and overhead. In any case, you need to get expectations in line regarding if he's expecting dual income vs single income. I'd even be drafting a budget to be getting a clear picture of disposable income (or lackthereof) with every kid.

Next is getting to the bottom of how you staying at home will affect his perception of you. He married you assuming you'd be an engineer and now being a SAHM is a big switch. Of course we don't fall in love with our partners based on career, but you too have to admit you'd see your partner differently if he went from being a lawyer to, say, opening a bakery. As other women are pointing out, respect is an issue here. So, I would ask for his honest opinions about whether you being a SAHM will affect your dynamic. It's a brutally honest conversation, but definitely one that should be had. At this time you can explain what you'd be bringing to the table to change any unfair stereotypes he might have of SAHMs (ie, we're not sitting at home eating bonbons... just posting on Reddit, haha).

And lastly: Are you going to be fulfilled?

If you want to change his heart, you gotta figure out where it is in the first place. Good luck!

WonderfulandValuable · 2018-07-16T21:58:32+00:00

May I suggest becoming a Doula after your child is born? It can get you some money and you can easily do midwife training later on too. I do not like people who do not cultivate their intelligence and potential. In my experience most of them land themselves in huge financial trouble if there are problems.

loneliness-inc · 2018-07-17T03:14:10+00:00

My husband is concerned that I am not thinking things through and that I will regret my decision. He is also concerned that I will never go back to university.

Both of these are very valid concerns. Your response to these concerns is flimsy at best.

Another issue is my aspirations in life have changed. I chose a chemical engineering when I was a feminist and 'didn't need no man.' I don't think I could stomach working in chemEng as a career now. So in my mind, even if I stayed on and got a degree, started having children immediately, and then chose to go back to work when the children had grown up, I would not work in that career.

I fail to see why chemical engineering is contradictory to motherhood.

There's a major potential issue if you don't finish your education and pursue your career path. That one day you'll wake up with a midlife crisis, feeling bored and unsatisfied, in an empty nest.... Who knows what kind of damage that can bring about.

This isn't a far fetched concern either. Many women before you went through precisely such a midlife crisis and destroyed their families in the process. This concern is especially high when the woman is of higher intelligence and has more opportunities and potential. If you give it all away to have children now, you may regret it later.

You're 22 years old. There really is no rush to have children this second. Your husband raised a serious concern. You don't seem to have an answer to his concern. Therefore, I'm with him.

itainteasybeinreasy · 2018-07-16T21:36:07+00:00

DH is 30.

laumei2018 · 2018-07-17T02:39:57+00:00

No reason you can’t do both. Family and school. I did.

RubyWooToo · 2018-07-17T03:24:56+00:00

What about changing your major, getting an associate’s (2-year degree), or vocational training in a trade that interests you? No matter how successful your husband is or happy your marriage is right now, you don’t want to be in a position where you wouldn’t be able to put food in your own mouth.

White_pony413 · 2018-07-17T14:38:14+00:00

Stay in school. I've never heard someone say they regret their education- yes maybe pick a different major but 4 years honestly flys by.

purpleskygreensea · 2018-07-17T14:27:11+00:00

If you ever want an advanced degree, the time to do so is now. Going back to school when you have young children isn't always an option or even preferable (when it is an option) There's an amazing Stefan Molyneux video that goes into the subject of mothers leaving young children alone. Basically, your child subconsciously understands that as abandonment and you'll have a much harder time establishing respect and authority as a parent when they're older. I can share the video if you'd like.

Title	I Want to Quit University and Start a Family With My Husband
Author	itainteasybeinreasy
Upvotes	11
Comments	38
Date	July 16, 2018 9:00 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8zesjp/i_want_to_quit_university_and_start_a_family_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-want-to-quit-university-and-start-a-family-with.67474 https://theredarchive.com/post/67474

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