It was just a matter of time. It's been fun watching all the LVM in your lives crack under quaran-pressure and I have a submission now too. Sorry, this is a long one.

My LVM ex, who I havent spoken a word to in over a year and a half, messaged me this morning saying that he, first of all, hoped I was well and that also he wanted my new address so that he could send me a letter with some feelings that he had been too "afraid" to share until now. Never mind that this guy has ALWAYS had my email, IG, whatsapp, phone number, etc. All of these media also accept text input, oddly enough.

I'm not going to lie and say it didn't throw me off. This was a tough ex for me. I was driving at the time and my face went a little numb. But he was also the person that finally made me choose me. I had all these annoyed thoughts in my head. I was firmly over him, was he really so damn bored that he was bothering me to announce his existence and so that he can use me as an emotional dumpsite to feel better about himself?? I wanted to tell him he had had allll this time and that him leading me on and wasting over a year of my life was enough. I wanted to tell him it was pathetic that he was doing this bc he is essentially bored in quarantine.

But you know what I said?

"No."

And that was that. I felt perfectly at peace. Because if FDS has taught me anything it's the real motivations behind a man's actions. I could have said all those things above but I am 100% sure he allllready knows. Why would I insult both his intelligence and mine? Past PickMe would have agonized over my response. Tried to appear nonchalant as I gave him my address. And then walked on needles for the next 2-3 days or however long until my mail arrived. Then I would have had a paper that I could reread over and over while I felt worse and worse and maybe even replied. I would do this bc I couldn't bear not knowing what he thought about me.

Today? Idgaf. I love myself and that means not letting people encroach on my mental health. It's my personal space as much as my physical presence. You owe him nothing. Not your time, not your thoughts, not your proverbial shits. I am so proud of myself, I've never done something like this before.

Oh, and being on FDS made me realize something else... this douchebag wanted to send me a friggin letter... I don't even deserve a PHONE CALL... let alone a video chat where he can look me in the eyes! Any tiny doubt I had abt him changing was erased by this. He is still the same low-effort, spineless coward and he doesn't want to have a conversation where he truly makes amends, he just wants to throw his thoughts at me in a way where I'm not even responding. Pathetic.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk! I'm not planning on dating again anytime soon but I'm still on here every day learning and staying on my toes. FDS has been super important for me to realize negative patterns in past relationships, and focus on identifying and disabling my triggers for attachment. Also, for anyone who is going to rip me for not just ignoring and blocking. Sure, for regular douches I didn't invest time and energy in that's great. But I felt like asserting this boundary with a response was important for my growth and a way to demonstrate to myself how far I have come from a time where I was a true clown. 🤡