Do you guys force yourself to date?

Meccha_me_2 · 2020-03-09T16:57:30+00:00

No. I don’t see the point if I’m not enjoying it.

Finding a partner isn’t a critical matter so why would I force myself to do it?

I sometimes have to force myself to get up and go to work and sometimes force myself to go to the gym even when I’d rather stay in and watch Netflix. But working out provides lifelong health benefits and going to work puts food in the table.

Dating is only beneficial if you’re happy with yourself and having a good fucking time.

persephones_torch · 2020-03-09T18:08:40+00:00

No. I tried getting back on after my divorce. LVMs after LVMs that made me feel bad. Made me focus on my goals less.

I've made a decision to focus on myself and my goals "Healthy Wealthy 2020", and if there's someone good and kind that steps up, I would date him. In the meantime I'm in a very good spot.

cirrus_cloud · 2020-03-09T18:43:46+00:00

Imma say a hard NOPE to this. If you have no interest in dating right now, forcing yourself to date is an immense waste of time.

When you’re feeling negatively about dating, but still have the urge to force yourself to do it, there might be a possibility that you’re using dating as a distraction from yourself and your life/insecurities.

2020-03-09T17:28:41+00:00

You know I kinda did for a while. I hadn't ever kissed anyone and I was approaching 29. My 3 roommates were all engaged and I felt some pressure. I did it and kissed the first guy I dated. He ended up being bad, but I was scrambling to keep everything working. Luckily it dissolved before anything happened. Because my self esteem was a mess as I felt like I had failed, I went out with 6 more people in fairly quick succession. I didn't feel like any of them would work, but I thought that "maybe my idea that I'd find someone and we'd smoothly click into place is a fantasy. Maybe relationships require way more upfront work. "

I realized that I hated it. It wasnt worth it. I went on 5 first dates and person we did 2. They were all either Okay or Bad. And I realized I'd rather go back to waiting to find someone irl who things fit smoothly with.

I don't really feel any desire to online date now, so I don't. Maybe I'll change again in the future. But I won't do it if it comes out of a place of insecurity, as it had before.

FatSassyBlackGirl · 2020-03-09T18:54:43+00:00

If you’re in a funk or a bad mood, dating someone new is probably a bad idea. That time is better spent with friends and by working on yourself!

You don’t want to miss out on a potentially great guy by not being in the right headspace for him, and forcing yourself to date probably ain’t good for your mental health anyways.

stRf1sh · 2020-03-09T21:46:40+00:00

When I met my boyfriend, I was so burnt out on dating. I think I opened my app bc of a notification and he was in my discovery. He had someone in his profile that we have in common so I liked it. He replied and said he was going out of town that week so I agreed to meet him before he left. I already had 2-3 dates lined up that week and I really didn’t want another date and I wasn’t sure how I was feeling about the other guys. But I said screw it I’ll just go get a beer after work like that would be nice to do anyways. Didn’t even wear makeup that day, worked 12 hours, had a drink w him, talked for a while. Thought he seemed great but I was pretty jaded at that point. He got back and wanted to go out again! I always tell this story bc I don’t think you should go out with a bad attitude but I do think it’s worth pushing yourself to go out. The key is finding something to enjoy about it that doesn’t rely on the guy (like oh it’s a nice day and that place has the beer I like or the queso or whatever). I’m glad I went! We’ve been together for almost a year.

Edit: I want to add that I probably went on over 50 first dates over a few years. Just bc it takes a while doesn’t mean you won’t ever meet someone!

Edit 2: I like the exercise analogy- you exercise for long term results, sometimes in the short term it’s hard. But even in the short term you can find things to enjoy like being outside, enjoying a workout song.. whatever. Dating is like that. Low expectations in the short term, find ways to enjoy it anyways, keep doing it for the long term reward.

2020-03-10T03:17:27+00:00

nope, you'll just be wasting your time and energy where you can spend it on something you immensely enjoy. whatever that is.

i am in the same boat. i used to jump back into dating after one ended, or entertain a guy who is interested. but nada

TheWordLilliputian · 2020-03-10T03:56:58+00:00

I honestly have. Bc at the time I was not comfortable being alone and just with myself. I didn’t know how to be single and enjoy my time with me.

Of course none of those dates during that time period ended in any relationship. I actually “ghosted” the one guy that I should have been with and I was lucky at the time that he was patient with me when I thought I was ready to date. We tried, and in retrospect he was HVM and the only 1 of 2 that I’ve met in my life. I was the one being super duper LV in that time. Not even pickmeisha, not even someone I have ever been proud to present as a someone to fight for.

So yeah... you can force yourself, but why? I guess it’s different if you just feel lazy in the dating world AND you already enjoy your own company and know/accept/understand yourself in the single life. But forcing yourself will give you different results than when you truly are ready and don’t have to force yourself to do anything.

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-03-10T04:14:22+00:00

NO!!!!!

Radiant_SaltyEffort · 2020-03-10T06:21:33+00:00

naamshiko · 2020-03-10T09:55:50+00:00

Nah. If I'm not feeling it when I wake up in the morning I'll just cancel. Most of the time when I feel this way, I wasn't really interested in the man anyway.

Title	Do you guys force yourself to date?
Author	kolsen92
Upvotes	25
Comments	15
Date	March 9, 2020 4:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ffxdah/do_you_guys_force_yourself_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-you-guys-force-yourself-to-date.680544 https://theredarchive.com/post/680544

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