Obviously this does not apply to all men, but I just noticed how many women can work the same amount of hours but somehow the man need to rest is more of a priority and she does the childcare, cooking, and cleaning. My parents relationship is like this and my mom does all the cooking and cleaning. They both work full time and she drives in traffic, making it a long commute for her. She always goes straight to the kitchen after work to get him dinner. She has health issues and pain and needs to rest. He doesn’t think about this. On the days she gets home late he doesn’t think of getting any dinner ready for her. My parents are from a more traditional culture. She has to get his dinner started, lunch for the next day, and let him watch his shows. While she does housework, which is hard for her because she is not as active as before.

My ex used to act like he was so exhausted from work and give himself credit for how much he did, when I worked at the same place as him and would go to a part time job afterwards until 10 pm or so. Being the pick me I was I would drive 30 min to his place because he was “too tired”. He didn’t think of how exhausted I was but praised himself for all the work he put in. I made that boy hundreds of meals, and the few times he made a steak or vacuumed he was so proud of himself, and wanted me to praise him, exactly how a toddler would act when he cleans up his toys. One time we both worked at the same job and I did my part time job afterwards. He invited me over afterwards. It took me over an hr to get there from my other job. He had ordered himself food and told me to cook something for myself as he sat with his takeout container. Other times he’d ask me to pick up food or groceries in my way there. Somehow it’s too much for him to go to the grocery store but for me it’s easy. I feel like part of this stems from how much we inflate boys egos in childhood, especially in more traditional cultures where boys and girls have different roles and expectations. The most frustrating thing is when I would bring this stuff up he acted like I was just rehashing the past, when really he had just swept it all up and never acknowledged it. Impossible to community and sadly had to just block him and cut all contact one day because he would never ever understand. It took me months to get used to the fact I’d never get any closure.

I have to say though, selfish men like this are great at self care and prioritising themselves 😂 A lot of women are taught not to do this and we feel guilty if we rest until everything is taken care of. This is something I am unlearning in my 30s.

It always bothers me when men complain about women losing their femininity or being bitter after marriage because this is exactly why. And then after she leaves she has a major glow up.