Disclaimer of yeah, you'll probably land some mutual friends the longer you're exploring a relationship with someone, but that's def not what I'm talking about!

Big red flag: a man who is desperate or pushy to integrate you into his circle, but has little to no interest in yours.

Try this: simply say no. A man with an excellent understanding of boundaries will have no problem if you don't want to hang out with his friends as his +1. He won't mind at all if you don't want him around your friends. If he reacts poorly, GO. He has shown you he's a grown man with no boundaries, so take his silent advice and leave. You aren't safe, and you aren't capable of building a respectful man from the pile of spare parts he chooses to be. Nobody is.

A staple of abuse is slowly alienating you from your support system. This is a powerfully sneaky way of doing so; making you feel like you are still surrounded by friends and support. The illusion shatters when he abuses you and you leave him -- or worse, tell people the truth. You lose everyone. Prepare to be completely blackballed in numerous social circles you were comfortably integrated with. Prepare to lose your job and your own support system if he's found a good sob story for your coworkers and friends (and even family!) to believe. If you live in a small town and he's done a good job of keeping up the nice guy facade, prepare to be harassed for 'slandering' him. Prepare to be gaslit by virtual strangers who think they know your intimate partner better than you do, calling you a liar. Prepare to be dragged through the mud with nobody by your side, because a predator picked off your support system and put a false one in place. Their way of getting the last word because you had the audacity to leave and expose the abuse.

I almost used the 'nah, sis' flair because this is a horrific mistake I made TWICE before I realized what I was doing wrong. I wish I could hug the younger me and tell her to get it the fuck together sooner.