My fiance has a dress code he wants me to follow.

cerahhh · 2017-08-30T21:58:41+00:00

I don't agree with what people are saying in that you have issues because you don't want to wear a skirt and heels everyday. I think he's being unfair insisting you wear something impractical and potentially injury inducing on a daily basis.

As someone who had to go to a physiotherapist because I wore a range of heels every day (even then, stilettos were a rarity) from the age of 15 to 22, I would advise against it. I've had to commit 40 minutes a day just to Pilates and stretching for a long time just so I'm not in agony when I crouch down to pick something up. Even though they're much better now, I'm still nervous about jogging and only do exercises that are gentle on my knees. Don't wear heels every day. Don't do what I did.

I think it's great to wear what your man likes when you can but demanding it of you everyday is too much.

EDIT: I'd like to know at least which European country he's from because I'm European and if women went out in skirts and stilettos everyday they'd be assumed to be one of three things: a prostitute, a desperate woman, or British.

[deleted] · 2017-08-30T21:54:21+00:00

Everyone at my job is very casual and I work with kids so am outside a lot of the time.

If you start wearing dresses and stilettos there is an excellent chance you will be bad at your job and lose it. He needs to get over himself on that one.

I am also worried about the long term effects of wearing heels every day.

Yep. You're right. Wearing heels all the time isn't practical or particualrly healthy. If you do end up doing it though, check this out to help prevent too much damage.

he doesn't want me to wear pants PERIOD

I'm always leery of people who make unilateral demands that don't make sense. It screams of being insecure. The flats and pants are his targets right now, but what will be his unilateral decision next?

NewMindRedPill · 2017-08-30T19:43:36+00:00

"would stick out like a sore thumb."

I actually think this is important to consider. People undermine reputation often in the United States and similar countries but its actually very important (I think this is actually a related result of Blue Pill). There is a reason we care about what others think. I have received jobs/opportunities based on my reputation alone that I keep stellar. People I don't even know have talked about me but everyone always talks about me in a nice way (because I'm careful about what I say/do/wear) and this has always benefited me.

I think you should do a mix. Wear the clothes he likes when you go out with him (maybe longer skirt and shorter heels?). Most people will just assume you're a new couple on a date. When you dress like that and are alone then it might be uncomfortable for you. Tell him that but when you put on pants try to make the outfit still very attracting. Maybe a bit form-fitting so he might start liking that style more.

I have the opposite problem. I LOVE wearing heels and dressing up. My boyfriend can't stop looking at me and loves it too but he is very practical and is concerned about me falling and getting hurt. He usually tries to make me wear sneakers unless we go to the an obvious places for heels like the Symphony or a nice dinner.

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-08-31T16:46:23+00:00

A good "Captain" understands how to delegate.

If the crew is about to mutiny, he takes charge.

If the ship is about to sink, he takes charge.

If there is a flying dragon named Dracarys with a tiny blonde chick on it who is a horrible actress, about to shoot flames at the USS Dress Code, he takes charge.

If there's an argument about the sleeping arrangement for the crew, why would he even bother with that?

A GOOD CAPTAIN lets a First Mate run things as they see fit as long as it fits the vision of the good of the ship, the crew and the mission.

I can see the need for BOTH SIDES to make some concessions in terms of look. Maybe he likes long hair. So she grows it out but she prefers short, but it makes him happy. Maybe she likes he comes home for dinner twice a week, and he has to change his schedule to do it, but it's manageable he does it to make her happy. Maybe when people go out, for a nice dinner, she dresses in a way she knows pleases him.

A guy who wants to be Captain and micromanages First Mate areas of responsibility is showing he should be busier doing actual Captain-type stuff.

Do you want to wear something different than what he wants? Then do that. If he leaves because of it, then f**k him. That shows how much you were worth to him. And if he needs to buckle over that, then oh well. You were better off finding fast than slow over something like this. Dealbreakers that are practical are things like having kids or not, financial values, health issues, age, thoughts on fidelity. But this?

Anyone without the sense to let you be a First Mate, is no Captain in my book. But do as you wish of course.

Best of luck.

Schlammtaenzerin · 2017-08-31T10:11:05+00:00

stilettos are totally banned at work. They look unprofessional in my opinion, more fit for a party then work.

mauibaya · 2017-08-31T07:49:36+00:00

Have you been to his country of origin? Sounds like BS to me, i don't know any country in Europe where it's normal to wear heels and short skirts every day.

Willow-girl · 2017-09-01T14:25:00+00:00

In what other ways does he seek to micromanage your life and do you see an enormous red flag here? Because I sure do.

azngirl7689 · 2017-08-31T17:43:21+00:00

Haha no. Heels cause long term damage. Tell him to wear them everyday if he likes them so much.

teaandtalk · 2017-08-31T02:14:29+00:00

You can be a teacher and never wear pants, but stilettos is a bit much to expect. Why not add some cute skirts into your existing wardrobe, and some good quality, thick tights and cute/comfortable heels?

nattie3789 · 2017-08-30T20:42:11+00:00

I live in one of the most casual-dress cities in the USA and I wear dresses/skirts about 70% of the time, including Saturday morning errands. I do stick out, and receive plenty of compliments (all genders and ages) on doing so.

Heels are a slightly different story. You can and should practice wearing them, but don't wear 6-inch stilettos if you can't comfortably walk in them - at best you'll look ridiculous, at worst you'll fall and crack your head open. Wear the height that you can currently handle, then head to Goodwill and buy an old, higher/thinner pair - practice walking in those at home.

Is it more of the "sore thumb" that concerns you, or do you genuinely dislike dresses and heels?

suddenlystevie · 2017-09-02T02:02:32+00:00

You are in a relationship. He isn't your boss or schoolteacher - he doesn't get to give you a 'dress code'. Yes, he can have preferences (like we all do) but your partner needs to be understanding of your lifestyle, which seems like it doesn't exactly fit being dressed up to the nines 24/7 (and nor do you appear to want to be.) Dressing up sometimes is fun! But dressing up every day is a pain in the ass, and impractical. You can still look really nice in pants and flat shoes (by the way, that outfit you posted is stunning.)

He wants me to wear stilettos and skirts, and pants only when I am working out.

Ok, this is ridiculous. Do you know how dangerous it is to be wearing stilettos every day? And I'm not just talking about the tripping over stuff - stillettos place so much stress on your body, resulting in mega issues from your toenails to your spine (my 45 y/o aunt recently had to have a knee reconstruction as a result of her 30-year love affair with heels). Nobody should be consistently wearing heels for prolonged periods of time.

I feel like this is too much, because where i live I would stick out like a sore thumb. I really don't like how people on this thread are telling you to get over yourself on this one - if you don't want to look inappropriate, don't do it!

I work with kids so am outside a lot of the time.

Haha, ok this does it. I am a nanny. The thought of going to work in stilettos and a dress makes me want to simultaneously laugh and cry. My boss would probably sack me. Kids should not be around nice things. They will WRECK your outfit. Imagine having to chase kids around or roll around on the floor with them all day in stilettos and a dress. You couldn't do it - and even if you could it would majorly detriment your ability to work well. It's actually a health and safety issue. What if you stood on a kid? What if you tripped over? What if you flashed everyone? And on top of all of this, you work OUTSIDE*^no more comment needed!!!

he doesn't want me to wear pants PERIOD. Only for working out.

Yeah, babe your lifestyle is a workout.

I am also worried about the long term effects of wearing heels

Heels are fun sometimes! I love to wear heels - but it just isn't safe or healthy to be wearing them all of the time. I don't think men (or anyone unfamiliar with heels) realize this. You should show him some of this research.

He said I can wear flats when pregnant.

How kind of him.

_Vi_999 · 2017-09-04T14:42:47+00:00

My mom is a cop. Unless she's in her uniform she's ALWAYS in dresses/ skirts, low hills/ cute flats. She said that a dress can make you more elegant and feminine.

I didn't understand this until I went to college and started to do the same, a dress can make a big difference. My girlfriends would tell me later what I good taste I had (I know nothing about fashion) and the guys would look at me more.

I need to wear pants for my job now but when I'm home I wear dresses 90% of the time. My mom was right.

But I wear dresses because I love it. YOU should chose what's best for you not your SO, he can give his opinion if course but you have to feel confortable with it.

Atomicbebe · 2017-08-31T01:02:21+00:00

I live in an international city not in the US where there are people from all over the world. I can often tell you where people are from just by how they dress. I can spot the US because the fashion always looks sporty/masculine. It's just really noticeable if you are not from the US. If you want to change your look, you could wear mid heels, or low wedges. There is a world of fashion inbetween flats and pants and heels and short skirts. Another thing I've noticed is that men in the US will stare and cat call more than European men, so you need to make your fiancé aware of this too. (yes I made some generalizations and there is always exception to the rule.)

oasie · 2017-09-02T23:08:01+00:00

I would relay that looking good for HIM is your priority. Looking good without him with you makes you a cock magnet, and attracts the wrong kind of attention from men and women.

His desire for you to wear skirts and heels to work with children is irrational. I would suggest that you change before he comes gome to something he likes. You are his property and look good only for him. Your normal style is presentable enough to not embarass him.

_Vi_999 · 2017-09-04T14:42:47+00:00

My mom is a cop. Unless she's in her uniform she's ALWAYS in dresses/ skirts, low hills/ cute flats. She said that a dress can make you more elegant and feminine.

I didn't understand this until I went to college and started to do the same, a dress can make a big difference. My girlfriends would tell me later what I good taste I had (I know nothing about fashion) and the guys would look at me more.

I need to wear pants for my job now but when I'm home I wear dresses 90% of the time. My mom was right.

But I wear dresses because I love it. YOU should chose what's best for you not your SO, he can give his opinion if course but you have to feel confortable with it.

Schlammtaenzerin · 2017-08-31T10:28:44+00:00

I was reminded by my partner to never dress in a way that could in any way shape or form remind of muslim attire. So there are no maxi dresses, no head- covering and no bathing suits wich could get confused with burkinies.

Red-Curious · 2017-08-30T21:42:27+00:00

You mention church, so let me put a slight biblical spin on this. In 1 Cor. 11 Paul talks about women needing to wear head coverings. It's easy to brush this off as an antiquated passage that we should just ignore, but his rationale actually comes from Adam and Eve. In other words, Paul is saying, "This is because of how God designed men and women in the first place and has been true for thousands of years, and is something that transcends culture or eras of humanity." I've studied this so much that no one will ever convince me that this is a part of the Bible we can just ignore. So, the question is, then, how do we apply it?

The rationale Paul gives for why he insists on women wearing head coverings is that it is "a symbol of authority on her head." I don't think the "what" of the symbol matters as much as that there is one. This symbol is clearly tied with something to be worn - that is publicly visible and not something you keep in a box at home, although there's no clear requirement that other people have to understand its nature as a symbol other than those in the authoritarian relationship.

So, my wife often wears something that functions as a symbol of our leader-helper authority structure. She openly accepts this and embraces it. Most of the time, that's her ring. Other times it's me telling her what to wear on a particular day when we go out.

When biblical women were not in public, there was no requirement to wear a head covering or to show a symbol of authority. So, if he wants you to lounge around the house in a skirt and high heels, that's his own preference and you'll have to reconcile that with your views of him being the leader of your relationship - especially when he is your husband.

But when you go out together (possibly even without him, I haven't thought about that aspect of application of this passage), then there is certainly a Scriptural basis for you expressing his authority by what you wear. Now, you could argue that it should be this or that - like your engagement ring or wedding ring. But if he tells you what he wants that symbol of authority to be and you reject that authority to decide what your own symbol of authority will be ... what value is there in wearing a symbol of an authority that you don't submit to?

To be fair, this is also a passage I don't necessarily think about 24/7, so most of the time I'm not paying attention to whether or not my wife has her ring on, or I'm not telling her what to wear or anything like that. I'm not sure if this is a form of sin by neglect and I really should be stepping up and insisting on more adherence to 1 Cor. 11 or not - I just know that when I do express that it matters to me, it would be inappropriate for her to reject that authority. If he makes an overbearing requirement, my guess is that his request isn't following biblical principles anymore than your rejection of his request would be a rejection of biblical principles ... not that his wrong makes your wrong somehow acceptable.

Engaged or not, if he's that controlling, you're in for a wild ride. Get out before your submissiveness becomes a biblical/sin issue, particularly if he's going to abuse that obligation to funnel into a controlling nature on his part.

Title	My fiance has a dress code he wants me to follow.
Author	ambivalish
Upvotes	28
Comments	34
Date	August 30, 2017 7:06 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6x1f81/my_fiance_has_a_dress_code_he_wants_me_to_follow/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-fiance-has-a-dress-code-he-wants-me-to-follow.73363 https://theredarchive.com/post/73363

Comments