He's 38, I am 30. We've been together for 8 years, married for 4. A year into our marriage I have started to discover this dark side of him: happy ending massages, escort girls, swingers clubs, erotic parties, orgies, etc. He's made me a part of some aspects of it (ie, we'd go to swingers parties, despite it being an overstep of my boundaries) and I did it because he's my husband and I felt I must accept him for who he is. He wouldn't admit that he's got an addiction/problem, nor does he see anything wrong with leading a secret sex life. As a result, for the past year, I was unable to have sex with him and feel traumatized by the past events which I will never be able to unsee or forget. Have been going through therapy for 9 months but it's not helping much.
He knows exactly how I feel but doesn't stop acting on his "adventurist" nature. Is it my fault? Should I have been firmer in saying no or perhaps asked for immediate divorce? Is it something that we can come back from? I want my marriage to survive... any constructive advice greatly appreciated. UPDATE: There seems to be a need for more insight in our looks and status: Myself - caucasian, 120lb, 5ft8", athletic (or I least I'd like to believe so :)). He - asian, 160lb 5ft10', both attractive, both upper-middle class, both good jobs (he's an engineer, I'm a Project Manager for IT), both from very good families, good family values, never had kids (any of us).