Moral dilemma ...I’m a virgin but also want to be good in bed for this guy I started dating.... he doesn’t know obviously that I’m a virgin

lolablackbird · 2018-02-01T03:05:27+00:00

I've only had sex with my husband I don't regret it at all. (edit: I did not wait for marriage, I don't think that's a good idea for most people and it's unrealistic to expect most men to wait)

It isn't rocket science. If you're excited about being sexual with him, open minded, enthusiastic, and capable of following directions you will be just fine.

Don't overthink it. Tell him you're a virgin and nervous but excited to share this with him.

I don’t want to compromise my morals and dignity practicing on a dude I barely like just to be good enough for a guy I really really like...... !!

Having random sex for the experience is a terrible idea. Personally, I would have been way too uncomfortable to enjoy it and learn anything from the experience if I was with a guy I didn't know well, like, or really care about.

I think some people use "experience" to justify their drunken hookups because it makes them feel better about having meaningless sex.

md8716 · 2018-02-01T04:54:02+00:00

You don't really have to be "good" at sex as a woman. It's almost always incumbent upon the man to turn in a good performance, so he's more likely to be the one trying to impress YOU. But the trick is you have to be able to give him cues as to what you like/want.

Since you have no frame of reference, I would suggest taking it slow, sticking to basics, figuring out what you like and don't like, and going from there.

KittenLoves_ · 2018-02-01T07:34:35+00:00

I was once in a similar situation as you, and similarly was terrified that I would be 1 - terrible in bed 2 - unwanted and weird for my lack of experience

But truthfully, that isn't the case. If someone is put off by the fact that you're a virgin, the problem is with them, not you, because you have the right to make whatever decisions you please about what happens with your own body, for better or worse.

If you want to "be prepared" ... I would recommend, if you haven't already, masturbating with toys (dildos). Sex the first few times can be painful and uncomfortable. If you want to avoid that, and have more pleasant experiences, popping your own cherry, metaphorically speaking, may help with that. I know not everyone will have the same experience as I did, but I had no idea until I tried having sex and found out that I couldn't, that I had a medical condition that made penetration incredibly painful. (Things are fine now, but basically some women have a vagina that essentially needs to be slowly stretched out, over a long period of time, before anything larger than a pinky finger can actually fit inside without incredible pain.)

As others have said, as long as you're enthusiastic, visibly happy to be there, willing to learn/put in effort, and not scared to be there, you should be perfectly okay.

For what it's worth: I was in a similar situation where I thought I had met "the perfect guy" but didn't want to sleep with him as a virgin because I was ashamed. I ended up sleeping with someone else beforehand, but it was not a random hookup, it was someone I trusted. It ultimately worked out well for me, because he helped me get over my condition, but my case was different than most people, and I would not recommend just sleeping with any old person in an attempt to lose your virginity. I don't personally subscribe to the idea that a person's virginity is extremely special, but I still think that's a horrible idea. If you want an experience that isn't horrible, your chances of having that are much higher if your first time is with someone you trust and not just some stranger you barely know, who probably doesn't care a whit about you anyway.

thelittlestpotato · 2018-02-01T16:55:57+00:00

As someone who feels like I gave my virginity away too early, I say cherish it! No guy worth dating would be freaked out by you being a virgin. This should only make you even more precious to him. Also, sex is something that gets better the more you do it with one person. Having sex 10 times with 10 different guys will never feel as good as having sex 10 times with 1 person you truly love. Waiting for a serious commitment before having sex is not silly, it's smart! No matter what people say, sex IS serious, and it does mean something. Or at least, it should.

First time sex will always be awkward, whether you have experience or not. Your bodies will take time to adjust to each other, and it might not feel good at first (but it shouldn't really hurt either, don't be scared!), but after a while it'll be wonderful. As others have said, be willing to learn. Have fun with each other, grow as a couple both in sexual experience and love. There is nothing more satisfying than that.

Jikira · 2018-02-01T02:57:30+00:00

This is why it is important to establish a relationship before you sleep with the guy. I lost my virginity at 20, but I didn't have sex until I was sure that this was someone who I wanted to commit too. Technically, I didn't wait for commitment to have sex, but I knew he wanted an LTR and I could tell he wanted to LTR me. A couple of weeks later we started dating and now live together.

You do not need to be experienced or a seductress, you just have to be willing to learn. I am as awkward as it gets and for the first couple of months, sex was not that great. Through practice and communication, I now feel like a sex goddess with my bf. Don't think for a second experience matter. IT DOESN'T. Believe me when I say that exploring your sexuality with the person you chose to start a life together with is the most satisfying thing.

Whisper · 2018-02-01T23:24:23+00:00

But also, I feel like that’s horrible of me to think I should just go meaninglessly practice on another guy in order to be good enough and confident in bed before I do it with him.

Do NOT do this.

Instead, show up as a virgin to the bed of the man you love, and bring with you the following:

Complete disclosure in advance about your lack of experience.
Complete willingness to be open and very explicit about your sexual thoughts and fantasies.
A teachable attitude.
Willingness to follow his lead and do as he says.
Adventurousness and willingness to try kinky things he likes and see if you like them.
Patience, and the knowledge that even if the first time isn't spectacular, your sex life together eventually will be.
A small bottle of water-based personal lubricant. (Trust me on this. Even if he makes you wet as the Amazonian rainforest, virgins can really use a little help here.)

It will be far more meaningful to him to be your first than that you be skilled at physical manipulation right out of the gate. He'll teach you.

sunflower1920 · 2018-02-01T04:17:21+00:00

Definitely, definitely don't go have sex with another guy for the experience. I wish so badly that the guy I'm with, who I want to spend the rest of my life with, is the only man I'd ever had sex with. "Experience" doesn't matter a whole lot for women, sex isn't a performance, the better the connection is the better the sex is. Additionally, most if not all men, in my experience, prefer a women with a low count and the best is no count at all. I would say its actually a huge asset to be a virgin with him.

Think about it this way. When we think of virginal "purity" it sounds puritanical and archaic, but there's an element of truth there. Sex is much more emotionally binding for women than men, and so while you're certainly not "stained" in the puritanical sense, sharing that emotional experience with someone who doesn't matter to you can impact when you try to share it with somone who does matter.

Also, a lot of guys find it hot to fuck a virgin, just look at all the top porn.

plein_old · 2018-02-01T02:56:11+00:00

Some guys would much prefer a woman to have few partners, or, if he wants to be with her long term, for her be a virgin might be ideal. So what you see as a problem might be a "jackpot" for your boyfriend. A virgin is someone who hasn't given her heart away to a string of men/boys already, and some men really value that.

The best way to practice for sex is to get to know a man and trust him and relax with him and enjoy expressing yourself with him and responding to him freely.

All the calculated stuff, faking orgasms, and on and on... I dunno. Not everyone is into that stuff. But I'm sure some people must be into those things or they wouldn't be so effective with some people.

goku-pops · 2018-02-01T12:14:55+00:00

As a good guy myself.i would say if you tell him you are a virgin he will find that very endearing and be more sensitive to you. And take you more seriously for a relationship.

[deleted] · 2018-02-02T04:57:38+00:00

If you know yourself, physically, in a sexual way, then you won't have any trouble translating that to your sex life with a man.

Women who have longterm trouble with sex, in relationships, are women who can't get themselves off. These are usually women who are so self-conscious they can't make themselves orgasm or enjoy pleasure even when they're alone.

This has nothing to do with the number of sexual partners someone has had. You don't have to go have sex with random men, that's crazy!

Here's what a man wants:

A beautiful and willing partner who is into him, excited, receptive ,and gets off.

You can be this type of person without ever having sex, you just need to know your own body enough to understand what you respond to and what makes you orgasm.

SmamelessMe · 2018-02-01T11:17:36+00:00

Simple answer: Don't.

Long answer: Don't even think about doing something ridiculous like that! Have you just watched Cruel Intentions or something?

I have never heard of man complaining he had to have sex with a virgin, outside of movies. And even that was just a single chick flick.

In real life, worst case scenario is he won't care you're a virgin. But much more likely he will feel a little bit proud you trust him enough, to have your first experience with him.

If you want to "be good in bed" for him, the best you can do is build trust with him, and ask what he likes while you two have sex. Also, if you want to know what not to do, go watch some porn. Pornography is great library of scenes showing exactly how normal sex does not work.

I would also strongly recommend actually telling him its your first time. If he's as smart as you say he is, he will be extra careful.

RainbowKitty77 · 2018-02-01T20:31:07+00:00

My boyfriend is the only guy I've ever had intercourse with. He knew upfront. Made it clear he likes it. Men don't mind.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-02-02T14:54:08+00:00

You are dating this guy currently right? Then absolutely DO NOT fuck someone else, that is a horrific idea, and your sister has no idea what she’s talking about.

Guys like teaching. As long as you’re not going to be weirdly uptight about things then you’re fine. Try not to say no too much to him whenever it happens, and you can practice blowjobs on non-penis phallic objects if that’s your main concern.

Sex as a woman is pretty easy. Usually you don’t have to do much outside of blowjobs.

lolablackbird · 2018-02-01T04:53:09+00:00

Thank you so much. 🙏🏻 you are right. No more being worried about it, I’m a virgin and proud. thank you.

lolablackbird · 2018-02-01T05:06:59+00:00

Do not worry at all, if you are really attractive, and a model and a virgin then young rich, soon to be doctor has just hit the jackpot. He will love you even more if he is the first. Just be enthusiastic

zurgenfloggin · 2018-02-01T03:04:26+00:00

awkward is ok. Enthusiasm is good and covers a multitude of sins. Skittish is bad.

Honey_Mommy_82 · 2018-02-03T18:51:08+00:00

Honey, how long have you really known this guy?

Do you have a ring on your finger?

Sounds like you need to wait a bit longer. "Giving" it to him isn't going to make you any more high value to him than what you've already shown.

Edit: Where did you get the goofy idea you need to sleep with man #2 to impress man #1? Please don't do that!!!!

Title	Moral dilemma ...I’m a virgin but also want to be good in bed for this guy I started dating.... he doesn’t know obviously that I’m a virgin
Author	lolablackbird
Upvotes	9
Comments	34
Date	February 1, 2018 2:08 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7ufcnf/moral_dilemma_im_a_virgin_but_also_want_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/moral-dilemma-im-a-virgin-but-also-want-to-be-good.74180 https://theredarchive.com/post/74180

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