I [23] caught my boyfriend [25] masturbating to pictures of women we know and I don’t know how to respond.

Neuroentropic_Force · 2018-02-17T19:39:49+00:00

One thing to consider is that he is likely doing it because it is a fantasy of the forbidden. It is the fact that they are familiar that makes the fantasy work, not that these women are who they are as individuals.

It's a perverse fantasy (a common one that I think many people engage in, thinking about friends, coworkers, etc). I don't think this behavior alone indicates any of the following: He doesn't love you or value your relationship. That he is or would cheat on you. That he likes these women beyond the object of this fantasy.

SabirahNova · 2018-02-17T22:08:13+00:00

It could be nothing but in my case he was masturbating to a friend of mine who is a nude model, knew her personally etc and used the photos quite often. I told him once that it bothered me which just made him hide the behavior because he continued doing it just sneakier, the next time I called him out on it we almost broke up. Two years later he came clean about cuck fantasies wanting to sleep with other women and a lot of “sex positive” non monogamous things that I wasn’t comfortable with and ultimately ended the relationship. So maybe it’s no big deal or maybe it’s a sneak peek into his overall view on sex—you two should talk.

loneliness-inc · 2018-02-18T05:34:10+00:00

I know this is harsh to hear, but I would consider ending it.

Moobx · 2018-02-18T08:56:58+00:00

I am pretty sure if he ever caught u masturbating to pics of male friends the relationship would be over. This would be a deal breaker for me because I would know from then on every interaction he would have with those friends is fodder for his fantasies and the friendships would be ruined over time. U will break up eventually, it is up to u how many friendships die before then.

Aragorns-Wifey · 2018-02-18T01:17:23+00:00

I couldn’t go with porn or with this. It’s infidelity imo but I seem to be in the minority.

MenLoveBitches · 2018-02-17T20:01:49+00:00

I fully sympathize with you here and don't want to make light of it, but in your situation, I couldn't help laughing at him. It's just so ridiculous.

I'd ask him about why he's doing it and talk through it. Your only other choice is to ignore it, which is fine if it doesn't bother you, but it sounds like it is. Having his honest perspective would help. As others have pointed out, it is unusual in that you know these people, so it's not the same as normal porn. You might just want to find out what he's thinking, if it's a situation that you're comfortable discussing.

Everyone has vices, but the less of them, the better.

Kiddingyoself · 2018-02-17T20:47:34+00:00

I would recommend that under no circumstances that you, or he, let anyone know, much less the woman in question.

Playing with fire is asking for trouble.

Kiddingyoself · 2018-02-17T20:44:19+00:00

All guys have urges. If he's a good guy, it's not a threat to you. I would recommend that he should try not to indulge in fantasizing about others, as it is not ideal for your relationship. That's not that realistic. However, if fantasizing about an old hot teacher is a bit of energy spent in the wrong direction, fantasizing about an ex lover who is currently around, or your spouse's sister, or whatever, is more destructive. It may be hard for you to understand why he might fantasize about other people, even though he could be completely satisfied with you.. I'm guessing that would be hard to accept, and not particularly productive to dwell on. What is not too much to ask, though, is that you not be capable of discovering it.

If you can live with his fantasies, and masturbation habits, that's up to you. It doesn't seem too much to ask that he takes steps to protect you from having to know who he is occasionally thinking about.

Also, if you decided this is a deal breaker, you're not being paranoid. It's not unjustified. I'm not trying to suggest that you leave.. only that if you do, you're not some crazy person.

Whatever the case, I'd give it at least enough time to be certain you're thinking about it clearly.

Pedrao420 · 2018-02-17T19:31:48+00:00

The problem that is lurking behind the shadows is that you know these women. So it is normal that you feel something is off. Porn with women you both don't know it's fine because there is a distance. Now, people you know might make you a little insecure that he might try something with them. Open up to him, you can talk about what you both feel and maybe you can suggest to him to stick with porn.

Whisper · 2018-02-17T23:22:43+00:00

Pornography would be normal. But you're right that this isn't.

If he prefers clothed pictures of women he knows to lewder stuff of attractive women he doesn't, he's fantasizing opportunities, not just scenarios.

Worse yet if it was just one particular woman.

The best way to get real information is to ask in a non-confrontational way. If he hasn't done anything yet, you may be able to reel this back in.

Remember that attraction isn't negotiable, voluntary, or consciously controlled. So while you may be hurt, and you should be, this may not be a betrayal yet.

JStheHammer · 2018-02-20T00:21:24+00:00

I can't advise you on how to respond, But that is creepy.

durtyknees · 2018-02-17T19:33:58+00:00

I caught my boyfriend of 2 years masturbating to pictures of women we both personally know

If your goal is to have a strictly monogamous lifetime relationship with this guy, then it's probably time to leave. I wouldn't even confront him about it, because "words are wind" and "action speaks louder than words".

Getting off to porn/camgirls is impersonal and/or transactional, because they're not people in your mutual social circle, or part of your life in any way. And if they are part of your life, and your man associates them with orgasms, then you're unlikely to maintain a monogamous relationship.

There's nothing wrong with open/poly relationships between consenting adults. They're simply not in the scope of RPW.

loneliness-inc · 2018-02-18T16:26:20+00:00

Every man with a healthy sex drive will masturbate to your friends if they're attractive. If anyone thinks that their man isn't doing it, they're delusional.

OTOH, most men keep this stuff away from their women and deny it if asked. We do this because - why poke your insecurities?

My question is - why did you catch him in middle of masturbation? Masturbation is a very private thing. If he's caught midway, there's something wrong with him, with you or with both of you.

I'm married over 11 years now and I've never ever been caught mid masturbation. Ever

TopSecretFucker · 2018-02-17T20:02:29+00:00

Overreacting unless there is a history of cheating or evidence of an affair.

Forgive the scientific sounding answer, I project everyone will just understand how I write and will see it that way.... extradyadic (partner replacement) fantasies are positive or neutral in relationships and actually do not interfere with the ability to maintain LTR - except as stated above. Everyone has them and it tends to increase with how long people are in a relationship as novelty and excitement of the current partner wane over time.

Of course you will experience discomfort knowing that your partner fantasizes about someone else - everyone does and again this happens in LTR all the time. If you have attachment anxiety its better that you do not explore with him what these fantasies are - again unless there is evidence he is having an affair.

hirokinae · 2018-02-18T01:24:37+00:00

I’ve been with a great girl and fantasized about other close women. This was when she was away for about a month and I was super honey. The moment I blew my load Everything about that other women disappeared. Sex is a primal urge for us. It’s not emotional, it’s not about love.

As a dude I will honestly never understand how intwined love and sex is for you. We’re just different that way.

We can truly lust for dozens of women and still love just the one.

The real question isn’t: omg how could he do that. It’s, how likely is he to act on those urges?

He-She-Me-Wumbo2018 · 2018-02-18T01:27:14+00:00

I think others answered this well, so Ill leave the actual immediate response to those.

The one thing I would say is that, if it does bother you, ultimately you have every right to bring it up. If its still done then, and your wishes are ignored (u/Sabirah_Nova described that) thats grounds to leave the relationship.

By itself, almost anything can be harmless. What makes it harmful is the violations of trust, commitment, etc etc either spoken or unspoken. If he does it again after youve made a point that it violates your trust, he cares more about himself than you.

And as a guy, if a woman is near me, and wants me, but i choose porn? I have intimacy issues. Im not just horny.

But, as i always try to add, im not a woman. I just date them. So others could easily have better insights.

Ou-tis · 2018-02-19T16:46:50+00:00

How did you caught him with these pics? Seems a fiction story.

jane546 · 2018-02-19T00:20:42+00:00

If I caught my boyfriend doing that I would be furious. Maybe just talk to him about why he is doing it. Like what does he find attractive about these women? Ask him to stop and watch porn instead is all I've got.

Title	I [23] caught my boyfriend [25] masturbating to pictures of women we know and I don’t know how to respond.
Author	Throwaway950225
Upvotes	10
Comments	38
Date	February 17, 2018 7:14 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7y8o49/i_23_caught_my_boyfriend_25_masturbating_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-23-caught-my-boyfriend-25-masturbating-to.74272 https://theredarchive.com/post/74272

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