Why is every negative behavior in dating/intergender dialogue colloquially explained by default as due to opposite sex parental issues? Is the explanation more true or false?

BROWN-TOILET-PAPER · 2020-10-31T02:04:00+00:00

It isn't just the opposite sex parent at fault. It's both. Plus everyone else in your life and your experience. It all shapes you to what you are. Not everything is your parent's fault, much less just one of them. Something tragic happens to you that fucks you up, that's going to affect your relationships.

A guy is abusive and doesn't treat women with respect? He's got Mommy issues.

Often it's daddy issues. Like him watching his dad beat his mom.

A girl is a slut, cheats on perfectly fine men, is an extreme feminist? She's got Daddy issues.

Or her mom cheated on her dad, rationalized it to her daughter, and now her daughter copies mom.

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-31T01:30:28+00:00

They've started politely (?) calling it "attachment theory"

thetruthishere_ · 2020-10-31T02:08:07+00:00

I think it can generally true but other things can play a part. Its not just black and white.

merlinscalculator · 2020-10-31T02:42:12+00:00

No one has perfect parents and therefore we all suffer from our parents in one way or another. Some more than others, obviously. I remember reading somewhere that most of what makes us us is pretty much cemented by the time we’re 6 or 7. That’s mainly our parents input. It takes a lot of work to change or adjust that and I don’t think we ever fully can.

I have noticed that I date men with similar traits to my father, both physical and personality wise.

KirthWGersen · 2020-10-31T07:49:41+00:00

To examine ourselves, to change, we need to think within a different structure to the one we normally use. Psychoanalysis and other forms of therapy allow us to do this: they create a new framework to think within, a restricted one, a controlled environment. Religions and other philosophies can have the same effect. People with BPD can learn to control their responses to emotion in this way. Sinners can be turned into saints. It is sometimes helpful, sometimes not. But even when it is helpful, it is not that the framework is objectively true. It has simply allowed us to change our mindset and point ourselves in a different direction.

My personal impression is that our upbringing has very little impact on our personalities. We are, far more than anything, the product of our genes. This has been clearly shown by twin and adoption studies. Personality traits, even physical features such as our body weight, height, educational attainment, likelihood of divorce, the types of friends we choose, drug and alcohol use, and many others are far more closely correlated with our siblings and birth parents: EVEN IF WE HAVE NEVER MET THEM. (See Blueprint by Robert Plomin for the DNA research into this).

Barring the most extreme circumstances (like being locked in cupboard for years), our family environment has little impact on our personalities. This can be hard to spot as most of us grow up with people who are closely related to us genetically.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-10-31T01:29:44+00:00

It’s generally true. Every single issue isn’t attributable to them.

Impressive-Spot-1191 · 2020-10-31T04:28:01+00:00

A guy is abusive and doesn't treat women with respect? He's got Mommy issues.

i would figure its the other way around, someone with mommy issues was overprotected by their momma

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2020-10-31T09:19:58+00:00

Because of freud

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-10-31T23:40:18+00:00

That's probably done socially by people who don't understand what mommy/daddy issues are.

If someone has mommy/daddy issues, they're constantly seeking approval from their opposite sex partners in a lot of areas in their life because they never had that supervision from their parents growing up. Being in a relationship with these types of people is like being in a relationship with a grown child. They need to be told to do things and constantly ask for life advice/whether they're making the "right choice" or not.

That is what it means to have mommy/daddy issues and people who are using it for anything are misusing the term.

Physiologist21 · 2020-10-31T04:09:16+00:00

More true than false by a mile. Almost every pathology a person possess is from a trauma induced in formative years. The mommy issue isn't really a thing, the daddy issue is simply because men are the ones who are the disciplinarians and less emotional. Raising a child with emotion and not discipline makes them lifetime children, which is why being born to a single mother is the single most destructive thing that can happen to a child female or male.

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SaBahRub · 2020-10-31T03:13:19+00:00

People like labels, boxes, hacks and shortcuts

What can ya do? Just call it out

2020-10-31T06:24:57+00:00

It's the freudian approach to the psyche. You'll see that this approach gets some things right and some things not.

rubbooyuri · 2020-10-31T17:46:37+00:00

People are lazy?

analt223 · 2020-10-31T19:59:19+00:00

because we dont teach our kids about dating and sex. Its too taboo or something. We also have too many parents who are trying to force their kids into equality, when men and women clearly have different needs which will also lead to different outcomes

taapy234 · 2020-10-31T05:25:40+00:00

A guy is abusive and doesn't treat women with respect? He's got Mommy issues

This is not true.

A girl is a slut, cheats on perfectly fine men, is an extreme feminist? She's got Daddy issues.

But this IS true, and we have countless studies to back this claim. Fatherless children are more prone to unstable households, are more likely to become future delinquents: future street whores/feminist, future drug addicts, future thugs, future thief, future criminal, future murderer, future school shooter... and maybe a future terrorist too.

video exhibit A for your consideration.

But women use "mommy issues" as an insult because they naively believe mirroring the insults used by men (which is rooted in reality BTW) is the best way to engage in discussions.

What can you say about that? That's just female nature in action. They care more about the feeeels than the reals.

An interesting line I come across from PPD that succinctly puts it: Men will hate you if you tell them lies, but women will hate you for telling them the truth.

801735 · 2020-10-31T01:52:28+00:00

cheats on perfectly fine men

plural. LOL

Cimorene86 · 2020-10-31T01:59:57+00:00

Do you think these explanations lean more true or false?

Unfortunately, probably more true. But then again I'm cynical and lost my faith in humanity by the time I was, like, 12. I know full well that some of my remaining issues regarding sex/touch aversion are due to my male parents. What else can be said other than "some people had shit parents"? It's just how things go sometimes.

Are they overly broad and lacking in nuance or is it robust enough at the population level that nuance doesn't really matter?

Lol. Is there literally anything whatsoever we talk about here that isn't overly broad?

Title	Why is every negative behavior in dating/intergender dialogue colloquially explained by default as due to opposite sex parental issues? Is the explanation more true or false?
Author	501tracj
Upvotes	5
Comments	35
Date	October 31, 2020 1:28 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/jl9ns9/why_is_every_negative_behavior_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-every-negative-behavior-in.747227 https://theredarchive.com/post/747227

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