So I have been back on the dating scene for a couple of weeks, after finally realizing that the man I had been chasing after was a confirmed bachelor and a waste of my time. I met someone who is genuinely “Good” - we get along well, have had easy conversation and several fun dates now, going out dancing and getting sushi- I’d forgotten how nice it was to be “taken care of,” he is just a perfect gentleman, handsome in the face, with a great career and a decent body.

The problem I’m facing with moving forward is that I don’t feel especially sexually attracted to him. We had our first kiss the other night and I just got zero spark. Is there some way to gain a spark? I can imagine settling down with him, he ticks all the boxes on my wishlist for a man except that I just don’t feel the tingles at all. I worry this might be a repeating trend if I “next” him.

I think I have the sort of arbitrary idea of what a Good Man is supposed to be like, and am fine at identifying and attracting him, but I lust after the forbidden fruit. I’m also not entirely over the “confirmed bachelor” that I had been seeing, I suppose - it was (is) so easy to be attracted to him and it’s frustrating comparing that immediate magnetism to other still-charismatic (but less-charismatic) people. I’m not sure that I can find someone who is on the same level who is also willing to commit (but I am proud to say that, even though it took me longer than it should have, I have finally admitted to myself that spending any time hoping for a commitment from him in particular was a massive failure on my part).

And it’s not that he’s immasculine exactly, he is just definitely more of an introvert than me. I can be a somewhat intimidating person, I guess, as a fairly attractive, outgoing woman, and he does kind of give off a bit of the vibe of a nerdy kid who has a crush on the head cheerleader. Which is kind of nice, but kind of detracts from the dynamic I hope for eventually.

TLDR; A few weeks ago I terminated dead-end courtship that had lasted about five months. The problem I face is that I have met a man who is objectively attractive, financially established, and a gentleman, and we have had several good dates now, but he is not as immediately charming and attention-commanding as my previous partner and I can’t seem to stop comparing the two. I have tried to just think of the new man’s positive traits, but they’re all very “beta” - money, safety, security - which I want, obviously. I can see him being a good pick, but obviously starting off with no sexual spark is a bad indicator for anything long-term.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation of not feeling sexually attracted to the kind of person they think they are “supposed” to be with? I’m not getting any younger, is it too optimistic to hold out for the right blend, or is it more efficient to hook a good man and hope that your feminine energy and what-have-you will help mould him into a stronger leader/more confident individual?