I'm new to the group and wanted to share my story. I'm in my mid 30s and have already achieved and continue to maintain the goals that this group advocates. I have a great career, I'm a homeowner, I have no debt (besides the mortgage), and I own my dream car. My finances are on point. I'm also in the best shape of my life through my consistent workout regimen. I won't elaborate on how much I bring to the table in a relationship because it just feels gross to brag. But suffice to say I have had plenty of success with women over the years. I have been in my current relationship for almost 3 years, and it has been the worst 3 years of my life.

You guys are going to love this. She has no job, no skills, lives with her parents in her mid 30s, and of course, has a child. She is emotionally abusive. She constantly lies through empty promises. She doesn't follow through with what she says. She agrees with everything I say, even if she really disagrees, so I never know what's what. She regularly demonstrates that she cannot be trusted, and gets mad when I explain how trust works. She expects me to blindly trust everything she says, especially when she demonstrates the opposite of trustworthiness. If anything or anyone else pisses her off, she will take it out on me. She has selective comprehension, meaning she'll take one tiny part of what I said and disregard the rest. Then she blames me for her misinterpretation. She will say one thing then contradict herself 30 seconds later. Then deny the contradiction. She is insanely stubborn. She denies reality. She argues with me over the definition of words. I swear to god she would argue that a red pen is blue. She doesn't take responsibility for any wrongdoing. She will start a fight, and I have to be the one to apologize first. After fights, I go to great lengths to resolve all the problems. She says she agrees, then does the same behavior again the next day. She will set up expectations for herself, expectations that I never asked for, and when she fails to meet the expectation, she blames it on me. The more vulnerable I am with her, the more ammunition she has to use against me. As a man, I find it appalling that I'm the one shouting the praises of communication, trust, honesty, and reciprocity to a woman, while she refuses to communicate, lies, and doesn't reciprocate what I do for her.

Also something that the man typically doesn't do - I was also the one to suggest couples counseling. During a recent session, her and my female therapist ganged up on me the whole time (surprise, surprise). At the end of that session, my therapist said that I have to agree that 2+2=5 to appease my girlfriend. I'm not joking. I can post the whole story about this one, if you guys are interested.

One day I left work early to go get diapers for her son because she was too sick. I delivered them 30 minutes away to her, along with some medicine for her cold. Later that evening she screams and swears at me on the phone saying that I never do anything for her, and hangs up on me. That’s the kind of treatment I got from her for everything I do. For offering to be a father figure to her child. For offering to buy a big enough house for all of us to live in, in a good school district, and to pay for all of it. The way she treats me makes me want to be a worse person. She makes me want to stop working out and become obese, to quit my job and become a loser, to start using drugs and drink again, and become a complete asshole. I am punished and treated like garbage for all the good things I bring to the relationship, so that is where my mind logically goes.

Thankfully I have not seen her in many months. The relationship just involves fighting over text and phone calls literally more days than not. I am constantly stressed out because of this. I scream at the top of my lungs after talking to her. My life is a nightmare. I'm living out the fighting of my parent's marriage which traumatized me as a kid (for which I'm getting therapy). Every couple days I try to not talk to her ever again, and it only lasts 24 hours max. I keep going back for a few reasons. 1) Known misery is better than the unknown. 2) There is a part of me that keeps believing her lies. She promises that she will be everything I’ve always wanted, even though she repeatedly shows me that she is the opposite. 3) Whenever she goes a day without me, she either hurts herself or has a panic attack to the point where she has had to go to the ER. I know this will happen and it guilts me into staying. I feel so trapped in this toxic loop. I know it could be way worse, thankfully we're not married, have a child, or living together. But I am an emotional hostage. I feel like such a fucking idiot for believing her lies over and over. I am fully aware of how insane it is to stay. My brain is completely hijacked. I need help. That's why I'm turning to this group. Not even mental health professionals have been able to get me out of this.

But the problem is that I don't see the solutions that this group presents as sustainable in the long term. I have lived alone for over a decade, and yes, the peace and quiet is fantastic. Being able to do whatever I want is great. All the stuff about focusing on yourself, getting healthy, getting your finances in order, and general personal growth are all great messages, but I think those can be done without completely renouncing women. Although, admittedly, they will be achieved more easily without the anchor of women. I guess my point is that, like I said in the opening, I feel like I am successful. Materially, I have everything I want in life. While that's great, and I'd rather have it than not, it gets old. It's not sustaining. My life is very empty and I'm extremely depressed. Meaning in life is what's sustaining, and that's what I'm lacking. Meaning is not found through instant gratification. I'm desperately looking for meaning through this relationship, even though it's horrible, because there's a chance I could find being a stepdad fulfilling. Otherwise, I think I can do my current lifestyle for another 10 years max. Some input from older members who have been successful since their 20s would be helpful.

I guess I'm already living an MGTOW lifestyle in the sense that she does not expect marriage and knows I will absolutely never live with her unless things magically become drastically better. If she wasn't such a nightmare, this half-measure of being with her might be acceptable. But I know she will never change.

I need the strength to leave her blocked permanently this time.