His female friends/ex girlfriends

KombuchaEnema · 2021-07-01T10:53:15+00:00

The fact that he lied is wrong and you have a right to be upset about that. You should definitely bring it up.

The only time I’d have an issue with their friendship, however, would be if he was doing anything inappropriate. Ogling their thirst traps on Instagram, giving them sexual validation (like commenting “sexy ;)” on their selfies), constantly choosing to prioritize them over you (for example, canceling a date with you because one of them wants a ride somewhere), or anything of that nature.

First ask him to confirm or deny what his friend said. If he denies it, maybe ask to have a three-way conversation with the friend so you all can figure out why one of them is lying to you. If he confirms it, I would say, “So you lied to me when you said you’re not the sort of person who hangs out with exes. That really hurts me and I’m disappointed to know you lied to me. That makes me wonder what sorts of other things you are lying about and if your friendships with them are truly platonic.”

losingalldamonies · 2021-07-01T21:39:48+00:00

He shouldn’t be hanging out with girls he has boned. I’m a guy and your totally justified in telling him not to kick it with them. And if they are promiscuous. Well you already know. It’s a white lie to protect you so not worth calling off engagement obv.

abacabbmk · 2021-07-01T10:40:55+00:00

Does he talk to them all the time?

ana16011 · 2021-07-01T09:55:20+00:00

That's really concerning, so he lied to you That's major red flags, these ex girlfriends mean that much to him he would lie. You need to talk to him and depending on your relationship ask him to stop contact with them, this doesn't usually end well otherwise especially because he lied to keep them in his life and you are about to be married. Good luck and only settle when you are comfortable, married is a beautiful thing and should only be done when there's trust

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2021-07-01T14:30:07+00:00

Biggest risk here IMO is that he's keeping these girls around to bang once in a while if he ever gets bored of you or if you withhold sex for whatever reason.

TheBunk_TB · 2021-07-01T11:11:01+00:00

You need to write down your concerns in bullet points. Then talk to your fiancee'.

I did want to share a good thing and a bad thing.

(1) Good: He chose you. Something inside of him knows that you guys can have a future. He sees more of a future with you than with the other women.

(2) Bad: Even if he has no desire to run after these women, they might do something to poison or even try to scoop him up now that he is "marriageable"/worthy of relationship. Nevermind the crying on shoulder stuff.

A red flag not mentioned, (poss. due to a lack of info), is if this guy doesnt have male friends to fall back on. His best friend(s?) are female. A man needs a best man/trusted advisor. Yes, Im one of those folks.

I dont think that it is good to steer yourself in/near temptation. It is one thing that my views on male/female relationships are archaic but it is another that a man would tap dance on that landmine.

I had to start thinning out my exposure to the opposite sex friends, outside of accountable and sterile environments.

ReeGod · 2021-07-01T09:15:07+00:00

Stop talking to strangers on the internet about your relationship and start talking to your fiancé.

Samiam0911 · 2021-07-01T14:37:03+00:00

Huge huge issue...my fiancé was the same way however very honest about all of them...the rule was that any NON PLATONIC friendships had to be cut off eventually the real platonic friendships eventually will fall to the wayside just on gp of being in a relationship/life/time constraints. Can’t have your cake and eat it as well and sacrifices need to be made. Personally I hate this whole fwb/f buddy stuff and the idea of men having these “close” female friends is an eye opener. You have male friends as it should be and half the time the female friends are a mess in their own lives I noticed, giving horrible advice/drama...messy mess!!

Bleebleebloobloo2U · 2021-07-01T14:50:44+00:00

i think he lied because he does not have feelings that way for them and he didnt want to start a fight. either way, he is wrong for doing that. i find men lie about a lot of small things that are big things for us if we find out.

i think you should bring up that lying may seem like nbd at the time, but now it has caused you doubts on other small things. he may think its stupid be prepared if he rolls his eyes. this is just a tactic to make you feel crazy (i find men do this a lot too lol) just reinforce that any type of lie to you is not justifiable and it really hurts the way you perceive him.

I dont think there is an issue with him being friends with them. He put a ring on your finger. if he wanted to be with them im sure he would just stay single. i really do think putting a ring on your finger is a very big deal.

Hopeful_Pay_6685 · 2021-07-01T14:18:56+00:00

If my fiance or boyfriend had those types of female friends, I would be very uncomfortable. He doesn't seem like marriage material tbh, what if he cheats on you with one of them? And guys and girls can't really be friends, sorry, especially if the girl is constantly showing her body like that on social media. I would be self-conscious and tell him to block them, sorry. And I don't think RedPillWomen should be about allowing guys like these to take advantage of you. You're marriage material to him but those "exes" aren't, so why is he keeping them around?!

Thank goodness mine doesn't, he only has guy friends.

PrincessaRusalka · 2021-07-01T17:30:07+00:00

I can relate. My ex had these “crazy” ex gfs he kept talking about so he was not over them. They all did drugs, were disloyal or had extreme behaviors like cutting (I can’t bring myself to cut even if I am in a spiral). He did in fact see me as “one of them” after he thought of me as a “good girl” at first(I am a virgin). Men like this need a lot of female affection so I would be wary. I would not marry someone like that as they will leave at a moment’s notice.

warmpickles · 2021-07-03T14:16:55+00:00

This would make me uncomfortable and lose trust because that's a big thing to lie about since people aren't normally friends with their exes (out of respect for their current relationship). Don't fall into the sunken cost fallacy; there are guys out there that wouldn't do that sort of thing. Maybe breaking up is extreme but just think about it what this means to you, because I would personally feel betrayed.

Lando_620 · 2021-07-04T11:05:51+00:00

Honestly, 99% of the time men & women can't be platonic friends. Typically one of them would like to be romantic/sexual so unless there are other factors going on to limit or taboo their sexual energy...it is just very rare they will be truly platonic.

If he is high value then he was probably just sleeping with these women which often gets labeled as "dating" because women in general don't like being used. Even most promiscuous women won't admit being a fuck buddy and try to claim girlfriend status. Slut shames women because it exposes women who trade their commodity for free/without commitment...just like simp or friendzone shames men who are doing the same type of one sided trade.

Now that doesn't mean he should be deceptive about it. Also, if they were fuck buddies, odds are he will probably fuck them again...not because he wants them as a wife, simply because he can. Men don't have to have emotions for sex, women typically do. Men are also wired for quantity not quality like women are. Ultimately, you will need to learn the truth, which will involve asking him straight up...you will then need to decide for yourself if his answers are something you can accept and live with or not.

stripedtanker · 2021-07-04T22:44:35+00:00

I'd personally place most your focus on how he treats you. If he's spending time and resources on them, that's not good. But if its just texts here or there, who cares. It's people from the past.

But I'm shady and the people I tend to get along with are shady as well so we'd probably all make up stuff about our past. So what people say doesn't matter for me as much as what people do. The girls I've dated and I tend to not poke and prod each other's history too much, given that whatever comes out probably will be spun in some way. Usually in a way that makes us look good.

shanealeslie · 2021-07-01T21:42:20+00:00

If there is no longer any intimacy between him and them it would be good for him to have platonic female friends that do know him really well, understand him in the context of being in a relationship, and can be there for him when he needs advice, support, or friendship.

When I got married I pretty much lost contact with the rest of my life. All my female friends got blacklisted by my wife, and I was friends with a number of my exes. 16 years and a divorce later I really resent her for forcing those people out of my life for so long; to be honest if I had had those women to talk to about the troubles in my marriage I would have quite possibly received the support and advice that could have saved it.

Make sure your man continues to have friends of all kinds after the wedding and kids because depression caused by loneliness and isolation can happen to a guy that works full time while married with kids if the guys life narrows down to sleep-work-kids-wife-solo TV/Games-housework-repeat. By no means should he be running off with the single members of his pre-marriage gang every weekend, but spending some bonding time with other adults outside of family and work where he can relax and be his unburdened self is really, really important to a mans mental health in the long run.

I know this from experience. 5 years after my divorce and I'm still struggling to rebuild a social life and have friends, and it's really hard and lonely.

Title	His female friends/ex girlfriends
Author	uwucatsuwuu
Upvotes	39
Comments	23
Date	July 1, 2021 8:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/obhp6j/his_female_friendsex_girlfriends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/his-female-friendsex-girlfriends.787982 https://theredarchive.com/post/787982

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