Do we ALL get f@#&ed?

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2020-09-16T02:58:30+00:00

It’s her attorney. She got a shitty one. It’s the attorney that lays down this bullshit until the money is all gone. Attorneys get paid to negotiate. So they start at the moon and go back and forth and create hell and anger when it didn’t have to be that way.

Ask your wife if you and she can sit down with all the financials, split everything 50/50/. Agree to 50/50 child custody and look up the child support calculator for your state. Divorce isn’t hard. Attorneys are in the business of making it hard.

Fight for 50/50. Tell her you will not settle for less. You are a good dad and always have been. Most states now recognize custody at 50/50 unless one parent travels extensively or you live in an assbackwards hillbilly state.

Tell her this is the cross you will die on, and she can skip all the back and forth. You want a court date.

If you must get an attorney right now, Tell your attorney what you want- 50/50 child custody. And you’re not paying,for this back and forth bullshit.

Get all your past 5 years of income tax, payments, debts, everything and start looking at what reality $$ you’re both going to be living in.
Work out as much as you can between the two of you, then throw it at your attorneys to finalize what YOU and she know is fair.

sc1617 · 2020-09-16T03:23:59+00:00

Do not agree to any temporary custody arrangement that you do not like. Do not sign anything. It will be made permanent if the kids are doing ok. It is a common trick that screws dads with good intentions of "keeping the peace" now who think they will get 50/50 later. Nope.... what you agree to now will be what you will be stuck with later.
Why are you agreeing to the current situation with your wife? Stop doing that and demand 50/50 now and if you have to sign anything. If you can't agree, do not sign anything and take it to court. Be strong and formidable with your wife. She doesn't get to dictate things. Good luck!

Danthesongparodyman · 2020-09-16T03:08:38+00:00

Hey man. I'm in the middle of the same thing. It heavily depends on state and judge. Some states have practically default equal time. Some do not. I live in NY, which does not. But I'm still fighting. I've met and talked with men that have gotten the best outcome for their kids, namely equal time. You have to get a good, family law attorney. You must remain in the marital home. Judges love status quo and of the children are parented by you every day, they are hard-pressed to change that. Make sure you keep things as calm and peaceful as possible with your wife. Be a great dad. If you've been involved, stay involved. If you haven't been as involved as you could be, get involved. Be prepared for over a year of battling and you'll need a warchest to go with it. Also think about the future. If you want equal time, make sure it's practical. If you work 6am until 8pm and your wife is a stay at home mom, it doesn't bode well for you. Make sure you have a flexible work schedule that allows you to take them to school and pick them up. At least make sure you are as available to care for the kids as mother is. If she works 9 to 5, you work 9 to 5. Make sure when you do live apart, you live close to mother or at least within the same school district. You cant expect equal time when you live 2 hours away. Things like that. Make sure you know everything about the kids. Who their teachers are, friends, doctors, etc. Be up to date on medical and educational history. Shoot, make sure you know their shoe and clothes sizes. In other words, be as intimately involved as mother is. Again, if you live in a more progressive state like Kentucky or Florida or Nevada, this matters less. If you live in a backwards state like New York or Rhode Island, this means more. Regardless of where you live, if you earn more than mother, you will have to pay CS. Don't be intimidated. Don't be afraid of going to court. Believe it or not, only 5% of custody cases get to court. In the vast majority of cases, men throw in the towel. Either they are convinced they're screwed, can't afford it or simply want to move on. Do what you know is best for your children. For most of us here, what's best for our kids is having equal access to two loving, competent parents. Most stories I've heard end up with a deal being cut on the courthouse steps. It's a game of chicken. Who's going to blink first. Don't make it you. If you are still living in the home with your children, remember that getting you out of there is your wife's primary objective. Record all interactions with her to defend against possible false allegations of abuse. Do not believe her when she says she'll treat you fairly if you only leave. Its a trap. Once you're gone, you have no more leverage and she holds all the cards. If you leave without court ordered parenting time, your contact with your children is up to her discretion. If she's violent or in anyway unstable, leave and take the children. That's how they play it. It probably won't come to that but be prepared. My wife has done everything under the sun to make life so uncomfortable for me here in the home. Ive had locks put on my bedroom door, shower fixtures removed, watermains turned off, been forced to sleep on a couch and other indignities. I am not a victim. I choose to withstand her wrath because our son needs his father and this is how the game is played sometimes. The crazier she gets, the more I know I'm getting close.

Don't move out. Get a good family law attorney. Be as involved a parent as possible. Don't move out. Keep the peace as much as possible. Record all interactions with wife. Close any joint accounts. Don't move out. Don't be afraid. Document everything you do with and for your children. Be a great Dad! And don't move out.

You got this! Remember, if you lose, you'll still be a part of your children's lives and you can carry on the struggle. Some men and women haven't seen their children in years. If you lose, you'll know you did everything possible to get the best outcome for your children. If you quit, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Heroes die once. Cowards die everyday. It is scary. It is hard. It is long. None of us ever expected to be here but you'll get to the other side. We all will.

iamnobodybut · 2020-09-16T03:06:12+00:00

This is why you should teach your sons to never marry when they grow up. Shoot, having a kid but never being married is better than doing the whole cycle.

innerpeice · 2020-09-16T16:24:49+00:00

i'm in a good red state so its default 50/50, you have to show real neglect abuse to the kids ( not the wife) to get anything but 50/50. ( not that i'm saying that wife abuse is ok, im not)

get a good lawyer take daily notes, read the book MENycalculations. stop getting upset at your wife, be complacent and compliant ( except with visitation) but plan to destroy her case in court, document everything.

jjholt0147 · 2020-09-16T05:03:29+00:00

my current schedule is 1 overnight a month one week in summer plus fathers day my birthday and dec 23. take a look at my post history if you want horror story

SticksAndStoneSaint · 2020-09-16T13:32:12+00:00

If you have a lawyer, why are you asking Reddit how to proceed?

used2befast · 2020-09-16T13:36:20+00:00

Fight with all you have. I just went through a brutal 10 mo divorce where I essentially lost my kids. Ex is moving 5.5 hours away and I'll be lucky to see them 1x a month.

StruckByRedLightning · 2020-09-18T09:13:58+00:00

All your communications (text, email, etc) to her should be calm, collected. Do NOT move out. Do NOT overshare. Spend time with your kids.

Start reading your state's statutes surrounding divorce / parenting time. In my state, both parents are presumed to be fit to raise the kids, and the only way men don't get custody is if they give up and fall for the BS your wife's lawyer is doing.

Get the book: The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce: And How to Avoid Them.

spstrong229 · 2020-09-16T02:55:38+00:00

Its the worst... your going through a loss. Have kids and money comes into play. If they didn't see the dollars they wouldn't care.

Title	Do we ALL get f@#&ed?
Author	sticksnstonesaint
Upvotes	15
Comments	23
Date	September 16, 2020 2:27 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/itmyqj/do_we_all_get_fed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-we-all-get-fed.817892 https://theredarchive.com/post/817892

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