Men, how many times has your consent been asked for by women during and leading up to sex?

HeForeverBleeds · 2018-10-15T16:36:38+00:00

Never explicitly. On the occasions when it wasn't me to initiate it, they would just start touching and expect me to go along with it. If I asked them to stop, a few of them were "gentlewomen" and would stop right away

Most would keep going and keep trying to pressure me into it, but would still eventually stop. Only after giving me attitude, some choice insults, and asking what's "wrong" with me

Some would keep going till they got what they wanted. But that was only either when I was too young to fight them off, or the one time it was my supervisor and I couldn't avoid her

McFeely_Smackup · 2018-10-15T18:49:53+00:00

the only time I can recall ever being asked for consent by a woman is my wife, and that's not really a "getting consent first" thing, but an artifact of the casual approach to sex that comes from long term relationships "hey, you want to do it?"

I have never had a woman actually ask for consent for sexual activity, but I have had several react between "badly" and "fucking psychotic episode" when rejected.

menshouldhaverights · 2018-10-15T16:34:04+00:00

Never- women always act like they are doing men a huge favor.

Flaktrack · 2018-10-15T19:10:02+00:00

Never. Generally this hasn't been a problem, but there have been a few "bad touch" situations. Most of those were relatively minor issues, but I've had women get mad at me for not being able to keep it up while wearing condoms and then they'd keep trying to fuck even while I tried to get away, my interest having died completely. I'm talking actual screaming fits of rage because my dick couldn't get hard because the condoms were tight as hell.

Nothing kills a boner faster than a woman assaulting you while screaming about you not being man enough to fuck her.

riPEEMYFARTBOX · 2018-10-16T00:29:58+00:00

Never. This honestly made me think of a time when I was in my early 20's and met a girl at a bar. She invited me and my buddy back to her apartment and then she cornered me in the bathroom and said she didn't care if I wanted to or if I even had a girlfriend I was getting f'd tonight. Strong empowered female amirite? I did wind up leaving though.

Superboo666 · 2018-10-16T12:05:46+00:00

Pretty much never. This one time a girl pushed me against a wall and started kissing me. I held her by arms and pushed her away telling her to stop and she slapped me. Everyone says I deserved it for being a wimp

Enyalius3-3-3 · 2018-10-16T01:02:00+00:00

I have had girls get pissed off at me for not having sex with them. 2 of the times they were being fucking drunk and annoying. And another time I was trying to make a point that You don’t get to fuck me anytime you want when you get to refuse half the time I want. That’s not fair.

MayaMordle · 2018-10-15T17:22:03+00:00

Women usually TELL men what to do to them, knowing that the man has the benefit of just not doing it.

eg

"put it in me"

"you have to fuck me"

"kiss me" etc

2018-10-15T20:52:37+00:00

IMO this is a nonissue. Verbal asking is not really much of a thing in long term relationships. Yes there is asking if they are up for it, but kissing, touching etc is just generally part of dating.

Ill grab her boobs, she'll grope my butt. It's normal.

alclarkey · 2018-10-15T19:47:37+00:00

I've never been asked. I've been touched plenty.

orangeLILpumpkin · 2018-10-15T19:34:11+00:00

I've had, maybe 5 or 6 times, a woman say something along the lines of "wanna have sex"? But I interpreted it more along the lines of "I'm willing to have sex with you if you want to and just haven't asked yet" as opposed to getting my consent for sex that they were actively seeking.

TruthGetsBanned · 2018-10-15T19:06:54+00:00

I've gotten verbal yeses from every woman I've ever been with. I've never had a woman ask me though. Never.

oafsalot · 2018-10-16T08:30:44+00:00

Never, not once... With guys however every time but once.

ThePigmanAgain · 2018-10-15T22:53:20+00:00

Never. Guess that means i'm a rape victim and need to take to Twitter!

skellious · 2018-10-16T07:31:00+00:00

Never

2018-10-16T08:59:46+00:00

Never at all. Not one time.

WiseMonkeyGoodMonkey · 2018-10-15T22:25:07+00:00

Literally never once in... 34 years of sexual activity. Damn I'm old....

_pseudodragon · 2018-10-16T00:59:16+00:00

I think that it would be super sexy if they did ask. Never going to happen.

2018-10-16T13:30:10+00:00

I've had it a few times, but it' anomolous.

Frankly, more often I've had women express frustration that I didn't initiate when I've gotten mixed signals and didn't want to proceed with any advances without a clear diplay of interest.

P1000123 · 2018-10-16T21:33:54+00:00

No woman has ever requested consent from me. But generally I've always been the aggressor. Oh, there was this one time this woman tried to shove her fingers up my butt without asking, she was laughing and thought it was real funny. I was definitely freaked out, I fought her off and I was not raped thank god, but I never imagined that even being a situation at all. What a strange thing. Now that would have been sexual assault huh? Yeah, I don't know if I'd be calling the cops if that happened when I was a kid, but I'd definitely laugh watching the cops/lawyers faces twist and contort over my sexual assault claim haha

antilopes · 2018-10-17T04:47:26+00:00

For PIV sex? So far as I recall 100.0% of PIV sex with me has involved me consenting AND communicating my consent, and that consent being correctly received and interpreted by my partner. So we met the standards of the most rigorous laws requiring affirmative consent, like Californian university campuses, and Canada. Every single time.

I am reactive so sex often is initiated by my partners rather than myself.

Words were very rarely used for consent. Typically there was a series of gradual escalations, alternating between us. At some point it would become apparent that sex was proposed or at least likely e.g. "lets go to the bedroom". Sometimes it was possible to identify one party as the initiator or as being keener. That role might swap around during the escalations before, and during sex.

Occasionally rejection involved words but usually it would not get to that point - she would try to get me interested, my responses would not escalate and it would not go to the point where there sex was clearly being proposed or turned down. It worked the same for both of us.
There was a lot of rejection at some times, when we were tired and stressed, or grumpy. We both got plenty of practice at being turned down.

Consent was still communicated in adverse situations:
- Darkness so complete that no facial expressions were visible. That wasn't a problem for initiating sex but it did make ongoing consent harder to determine since both me and some of my partners like to take turns as starfish and let the other partner entertain us.
- Several times that we jokingly described as her raping me. She didn't.
- Being drunk or seriously high on weed. Like many / most men my ability to get hard disappears a long way before my ability to consent.

LeBouffonRoi · 2018-10-15T21:46:44+00:00

This needs to be cross-posted on the dumb dumb subredit. r/we'rebetterthanmen or some shit

2018-10-16T15:15:11+00:00

Zero.

OMG !

They all raped me !

azazelcrowley · 2018-10-17T03:00:18+00:00

One partner always asks in some form or another. None of the others did, except one, who asked sometimes.

2018-10-17T07:29:46+00:00

nonrequested · 2018-10-17T10:58:02+00:00

Nobody knows. Sadly, like PC principal campus in South Park, you must ask to your partner to sign an informed consent pre-mating document, lol.

Morningsun92 · 2018-10-17T11:45:55+00:00

Never, it just sorta leads to it

Lethn · 2018-10-17T14:52:20+00:00

You know something you are right, I've had a few times when girls have flirted with me or messed me around and they never hold themselves to the same standards they expect of men. Makes me wonder whether any of them would call themselves feminists and attend these stupid women's marches.

2018-10-16T09:17:30+00:00

Absolutely 0 times.

Asking for consent is incredibly unsexy. If you really need verbal and written consent you shouldn't have sex.

noleague · 2018-10-15T16:15:34+00:00

12 times

Title	Men, how many times has your consent been asked for by women during and leading up to sex?
Author	w1g2
Upvotes	123
Comments	61
Date	October 15, 2018 4:08 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/9oe17d/men_how_many_times_has_your_consent_been_asked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-how-many-times-has-your-consent-been-asked-for.891839 https://theredarchive.com/post/891839

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