What is the smart thing you or your lawyer did during divorce process?

walkingdisaster4046 · 2021-08-12T19:34:54+00:00

Filed for trial and stopped wasting time, money (ridiculous temporary spousal support), and hope that she’d actually make a good faith effort at negotiating and reaching a settlement.

Also document, document, document. Receipts, text messages, old bank statements from 15+ years ago saved my ass proving financial assets prior to marriage (got lucky on that one). Keep a log of custody exchanges/times, what you and the kids do (photos/videos) and track when she reneges or doesn’t honor parenting plan or court order (journal).

I’m in a contentious divorce. Hope it works out for you.

bk1285 · 2021-08-12T23:24:03+00:00

I’ll go in the opposite direction of the smart thing my lawyer did…the incredibly stupid thing my lawyer did was not show up on the day of the trial

anonymous_punk · 2021-08-12T20:37:02+00:00

First, shop around for your lawyer. Not all lawyers are created equal. Second, don't choose your lawyer based on who is cheapest (a good way to be "penny wise, pound foolish").

In my case I almost didn't talk to the lawyer I ended up using b/c they charged a $350/hour up front consultation cost and all the other lawyers I talked to offered free consultations. Based on what other lawyers were suggesting would be the final settlement, I would have been out nearly $250k (in terms of taking on her dept, giving up my 401k, and alimony)! My new lawyer was smart enough to realize that she had given up the right to alimony based on the laws in my state (co-habitating with her boyfriend) and through negotiations she never got my 401k. End result was $10k for the lawyer (ouch!) but only $35k in settlement. Given that the other lawyers wanted me to suggest a quarter million dollar settlement, I'd say that $10k was well spent!

KneeDeepThought · 2021-08-13T03:20:59+00:00

When the missus bailed out of our home with the kids and started emptying the bank account, my lawyer said 'let her.' Not only did she not get the house (she abandoned the marital home so she had no grounds to have me removed) but the moment the bank balance hit $0 it was midwinter and I couldn't buy heating oil. This was a threat to my well being so it justified immediately changing my direct deposit to my own separate account and stopped the financial bleeding.

Then she tried to take my car. Lawyer said 'the cars are joint marital property. push it and we'll sell both cars and split the money.' Her new SUV was worth far more than my beater so she backed off.

Overall she thought she would roll over me like a train but she got almost nothing she wanted. All her unreasonable demands were shut down like the tantrums they were. Spend the cash on a real bulldog of an atty, they are worth it ten times over in the long run.

pegleg_legal · 2021-08-13T02:56:45+00:00

https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/onujje/how_to_save_legal_fees_10_tips/

here's how to save some money

sandman200 · 2021-08-13T06:08:53+00:00

Yes,shop around for a lawyer. Interview them, find one that will match with your personality.

The local bar association is a good place to start. In Dallas, the bar association has a on-line directory. To be listed l, your lawyer must be a member AND agree to a free consultation.

Don’t go with the cheapest. I picked mine because he was a straight shooter. He billed $400 an hour.

Dad_travel_lift · 2021-08-13T15:51:19+00:00

One thing to be aware of is child support. Some judges will have the spouse receiving child support be responsible for 100% of certain expenses while other judges will not. This is very naunced and depends on the specific judge provided your state allows the judge to have that discretion.

The other smart thing I did was negotiate with my exwife instead of doing it through the courts. I think we both left things on the the table but overall saved a ton of legal fees.

Mjolnir37 · 2021-08-13T19:41:06+00:00

Ex pulled in nearly same salary. So alimony not a problem. We put on an 200g addition then two years later she wants out. House was a money pit. I offer the house if she leaves my retirement alone and we split the kids 50/50. I wipe $ 350,000 in red off my ledger when she gets the house. I downsize, work overtime like hell for a year and put all my debt behind me. I am free and in 4-5 years will hit the seven digit mark. She on the other hand will be working forever to support her materialistic lifestyle. My life simplified exponentially. We mediated the whole thing. I know I got lucky compared to most but I used her greed against her. Meanwhile my boys are getting to college age and she will never be able to help them out. Me on the other hand….I’ll be able to help a lot. They will remember who put them first and to me that’s priceless.

thefudmaster · 2021-08-13T14:18:37+00:00

I have a few different pieces of advice. As far as choosing a lawyer, I would always recommend going with one that charges a fee for the consultation, somebody that is in their 30s to late 50s as well. I have seen older lawyers not do a terrific job for their clients, which is not always the case, but was a concern for me. I chose a lawyer who would be realistic with me about my expectations, and would tell me what I was in for for the future.

Another thing I would recommend is not to hit send on any text message or email to your ex for at least 24 hours. You always want to follow the BIFF model (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm). Not every conversation or text message from your ex requires a response. Keep those messages about the kids only.

25_years · 2021-08-14T15:00:13+00:00

I won't mention any specifics because I just don't have the time or energy. But here's an idea: Google "dirty divorce tricks". I'm serious. In fact, HERE is a link.

You'll get plenty of results, but after you read a few, you'll get the general idea. Of the Top Ten Dirty Divorce Tricks, my ex-wife's attorney did 11 of them.

Looking back, my own attorney did not appear to recognize what the opposing lawyer was doing. I depended on my lawyer to protect me from dirty tricks, but he did not. I think he was simply not as experienced as I believed.

So, in a nutshell, learn the dirty tricks of divorce and BE SURE YOUR OWN LAWYER is looking out for you, and can recognize them.

Title	What is the smart thing you or your lawyer did during divorce process?
Author	Equivalent-Double-58
Upvotes	12
Comments	25
Date	August 12, 2021 6:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/p3609r/what_is_the_smart_thing_you_or_your_lawyer_did/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-is-the-smart-thing-you-or-your-lawyer-did.958673 https://theredarchive.com/post/958673

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