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Male student who was raped by an ex-girlfriend says he was left feeling 'weak and unmanly' after the attack because he felt powerless to stop her

TR6Cool

November 25, 2015
132 upvotes
/r/MensRights
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3331968/Male-rape-victim-reveals-attack-ex-girlfriend-left-feeling-weak-pathetic.html
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Title Male student who was raped by an ex-girlfriend says he was left feeling 'weak and unmanly' after the attack because he felt powerless to stop her
Author

TR6Cool

Upvotes 132
Comments 31
Date November 25, 2015 2:38 PM UTC
(10 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3u7xnt/male_student_who_was_raped_by_an_exgirlfriend/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/male-student-who-was-raped-by-an-ex-girlfriend.966378
https://theredarchive.com/post/966378
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Comments

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

But it is not a crime for a woman to rape a man in the UK. The law needs changing.

[–]TheDude41 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Is that true? Or is it considered sexual assault instead of rape in the UK?

Still, I get your point. Innnies vs outies are irrelevant. It's rape.

[–]mwobuddy 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If a woman can be a victim of rape due to fear causing inaction to stop it, the same should hold true of a man.

At the same time, people need to start learning to actually do something to protect themselves.

[–]CarbonBlob78 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

For the sake of your blood pressure and general health I advise you all to not read the comments for the linked article.

Believe me, just don't do it...

[–]Lethn 9 points10 points11 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

There are at least some people calling these morons out, but yes, usual ignorant comments about male biology and whatnot which they clearly have no understanding of.

I really need to go and find articles of dead men or dying men who have gotten erections and post them to these ignorant fucks, but you just know they'd never dare set foot in a subreddit like this.

[–]SkyGuppy 7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

These misconceptions have to end. A good way to adress it may be to compare with female rape victims. It is not uncommon (5 - 50% in different studies) for females to have an orgasm when being raped, which is one of the reasons it can be difficult to heal and move on. A therapist had an ama about it

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1w4d7m/orgasm_and_arousal_during_rape_or_sexual_assault/

[–]Lethn 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not even a misconception, is deliberate denial, they need to be called out on their shit and people just need to stop listening to them and study some basic human biology or maybe ask guys instead of just assume they know everything about how a penis works.

I gotta say I have a lot of respect for that woman who came along ages ago genuinely asking about whether or not men could get erections without meaning too because that's better than just talking shit.

[–]rossraskolnikov 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Nor the accompanying 'facts' box.Bad facts and outright myths.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"That's why men have to stop being macho and being hurt by toxic masculinity and patriarchy. I invite men, as Hermione Grainger from Harry Potter, to think of themselves as subservient to women and defective women. BRB going home to get fucked senseless by a big, tough rich rugby player."

[–]Wargame4life 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

unproven allegations. unless his rapist is found guilty in a court of law these allegations should be treated with suspicion.

Its funny how MRA's cry outrage at people being publically smeared as rapists based merely on allegations and no formal proof or prosecutions, and yet switch the genders and no one calls it out.

well im calling it out: No proof, no sympathy

[–]dancing_junkie 10 points11 points12 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Good argument but there is still the issue of being forced to penetrate is not considered rape. So you can't convict her as a rapist if there is no law. So this becomes a hard topic of conversation because people should be found guilty before being called a rapist but if it's not considered rape ( and hypothetically she did do it) she is not a rapist.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Nobody's being publicly smeared unless he's only had one ex-girlfriend in his life. They don't name the person in the article. He's the only one without anonymity.

[–]FeierInMeinHose 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No one was named, so no one is being smeared. At the same time, I give all accusers the benefit of the doubt and feel sympathy for them, but I don't feel anger or anything towards the accused, and I wouldn't say the accuser is telling the truth without evidence. You can be sympathetic with the person based on them feeling powerless and slighted without instantly believing every word they say.

[–]chavelah 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I've got all kinds of sympathy, but if I heard this exact same story with the genders reversed, I would not encourage the woman to go to the cops or the media. This is a textbook example of an unverifiable accusation. He's not naming names, but if this story goes viral, the identity of the accused will come out.

[–]Sabz5150 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

... listen and believe?

[–]Hickster1991 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This guy didn't smear anyone. He never brought up the accused's name. Which is a lot less than what I can say when the roles are reversed

[–]Alkomb[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You're saying "No proof, no sympathy"?

If it was a man-on-woman rape "claim", or whatever, you'd be kissing her feet.

[–]blueoak9 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

What exactly would count as evidence for you? Video of the rape? There will be NO trial. Don't you understand?

[–]Wargame4life -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

so we should believe all allegations should we? every single allegation with no evidence should be treated as fact should it?

fucking moron

[–]coke501 -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

Ok, that will be not very welcome here but: i find it hard to believe that one can't get rid of an attack like this (he said he wasn't weak and she wasn't especially strong, and if they were both average he would be stronger by some margin) with just physical force.

It only makes sense if accusations of abuse (against the victim in this case) were taken into consideration, doesn't it?

[–]Russelsteapot42 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

From how he describes it, he basically didn't have adequate leverage to push her away. He was lying down and she got on top of him and pinned him.

Also, men can often be too terrified of harming a woman accidentally to struggle as vigorously as they might be capable.

Frankly, this criticism is pretty similar to 'why didn't she cry out'.

Also, the perception that an average man should be able to stop an average woman from raping him in any circumstances is a significant part of this guy's trauma, and the trauma of a lot of male rape victims.

[–]coke501 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

I read the article, and as i said, I acknowledge other reasons than physical ones (afraid to do harm and/or face repercussions for it). I just have problems understanding how she could have pinned him down so he has no chance to get her of him.

And I read nothing about police in that article. Shouldn't we treat all alleged victims of rape the same?

[–]Russelsteapot42 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

And I read nothing about police in that article. Shouldn't we treat all alleged victims of rape the same?

Plenty of female rape victims don't go to the police, for various reasons including social stigma and a desire not to bring down such terrible consequences on their rapist, especially in a situation like this, where one is raped by an acquaintance. Add to that the substantial chance of him not being believed, or even accused of raping her, and it shouldn't be surprising.

Would you really be looking at things this critically if it was a woman's confession of being raped?

[–]coke501 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Of course I would. Why wouldn't I. How many threads are on this subreddit that are about not believing every rape accusation made by a woman and let the police investigate before making a judgement?

Look, I don't say he definitly wasn't raped, I acknowleged that I can imagine reasons why he didn't/couldn't defend himself, I only said, that I have a hard time believing that an average woman can hold an average man down with physical force alone.

We don't know if he was or was not raped. The only thing we have is his word. That word alone is all to often enough for women to be believed, many men falsely convicted for rape can tell you that.

I don't partake in 'Listen and Believe' wether men or women are involved

EDIT: Some typos and a clarification

[–]Russelsteapot42 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I think that the level of scrutiny you're calling for here is appropriate when someone stands accused. When that's not the case, we're just looking at someone who is crying out for sympathy and empathy after something horrible happened to them.

[–]coke501 -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

Someone stands accused. Depending on the number of girlfriends he has had, more than one person stands accused. Except if no one that knows him knows his ex-girlfriends.

Again: I cannot say if a rape happened or not. But I won't hold a man in higher redard than a women and just believe it. It's nice that the topic get's some mainstream-attention, that others see that they are not alone and that it can happen. It may help some people with the trauma they have to go through. But again: 'Listen and Believe' is not something I(!) can do.

As a side note:

Plenty of female rape victims don't go to the police, for various reasons including social stigma and a desire not to bring down such terrible consequences on their rapist

Yeah, and everytime that happens the whole subreddit attacks the female if she decides to make it public after she didn't go to the police (even if no one is named). As they should (well, not attack but it has to be critizised). Not going to the police after a real rape is letting a rapist go free and go on to rape someone else. Not going to the police and then talking about how one couldn't or didn't go to the police reinforces the social stigma.

EDIT: poor choice of words

[–]Russelsteapot42 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe I don't have as much experience here as you do, which is quite possible as I'm an occasional lurker and even more occasional poster, but I've really only seen that reaction when people are being brought up before kangaroo courts--I mean, university hearings.

[–]blueoak9 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

and if they were both average he would be stronger by some margin) with just physical force.

...and therefore he would probably be charged with assault for resisting rape.

[–]coke501 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It only makes sense if accusations of abuse (against the victim in this case) were taken into consideration, doesn't it?

got that one covered, I think

[–]chocoboat 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

That may be true. But my question to you is... does that matter? Is it less of a crime to attack someone who may be capable of stopping you?

And should we be getting into the business of trying to judge whether or not a victim could have fought someone off? If a tall and athletic woman is raped by a scrawny and short man, do we have to test their strength and physical abilities to see if she could have fought him off or not?

Sex without consent is rape, regardless of the size or shape of the people involved. Even if she was only on top of him for 5 seconds before he threw her off, that's still rape.

[–]coke501 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

You are completely right. I didn't deny that it was a rape if it happened. Nor would I. I just wanted to say that i cannot really imagine how he could not have defended himself based on physical things alone.

EDIT: Just to clarify: His ability to defend himself has nothing to do with the question if a crime happened!

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