Do you take things that girls give you to hold?

BrutalMan420 · 2018-05-17T07:26:21+00:00

i stopped reading. 2 months no sex is a joke. other girls will fuck you first night. this girl isnt special why are you saving yourself for her?

MattyAnon · 2018-05-17T10:25:48+00:00

2 months no sex

Is she a virgin?

"strong-willed and independent, likes to get her own way etc".

Spoiled brat, got it.

She just handed me her handbag without even making eye contact, pretty much just like assuming that I'm going to hold it. I took it before I could think, but I feel that I might have subtly lost some frame here.

Yeah, this is taking you completely for granted. Would you do that to a male friend? What if they did it to you? Would you do it to a girl?

It's a small frame loss, but not irretrievable. Get into the habit of not taking instinctively taking things that are handed to you. Look at the item, but make no move to take it. Then say "ask nicely" with a smirk... then say "no, hold your own fucking bag". If you can't say this because you fear the consequences you have already lost.

stared at me and then took her fork and placed it into my plate and shoved the plate towards me again.

She's trying to control you. No sex, making demands. What are you, married already?

While she was making dinner for us she asked if I wanted something to drink so I said yes, I'd like some water. She replied "well then get some, you know where the glasses are by now".

At this point you should have walked out.

This whole thing is all kinds of wrong. She isn't respecting you, she's enslaving you. This is how they work. Small subtle transgressions... getting you to habitually do things for her, while also telling you to do things for yourself.

What the fuck are you even doing with this girl.

ll of this feels like fucking disrespect to me at the moment, but then again I'm not sure if I've earned enough respect. Should it be earned or should we expect it to be there default departure point and only if we're weak and lame do they have the right to lose respect?

You are being actively disrespected. You don't have to earn the right to not be disrespected!

What I'm Going To Do Next:

What you should do next is move on from this girl.... quit thinking you can win. You are fooled by her efforts into thinking this relationship is worth it.... but really this is her investing in you so that you can repay it for the rest of your life.

It's like training a horse: it's hard work, you make all the effort, but eventually you have a horse to ride around on. You are the horse, in case this is not clear. Don't be so flattered by her efforts, they are not for your benefit.

Is this disrespect or simply shit-tests that I need to pass?

It's both, but forget this girl. This shit has to be passed within minutes/hours of meeting her. It's probably too late now - standing up to her will not get you alpha points, you'll be labelled a bad beta. How do you know the difference? Alpha points is a jaw drop, arousal and hot sex. Bad beta means a tantrum and demands and shaming. Try it, you'll see.

lol_throwaway303 · 2018-05-17T09:20:10+00:00

Sounds like you’re her bitch and buddy companion which you mistake for her investing time in you

360_no_scope_upvote · 2018-05-17T08:28:46+00:00

Why the fuck are you wasting your precious time with this bitch first and foremost. Get ahold of yourself and snap the fuck out of it.

Actual question; I'll be patient and hold anything that isn't a purse. If it's a purse I'll set it down beside me or hang it on a chair. Women do view you as her bitch when you're holding her hand bags. Its A very man servanty vibe. Bitch you brought it you can deal with it.

If she just hands me a plate and expects it to vanish she can go fuck herself.

purplefidgetmidget · 2018-05-17T09:23:08+00:00

I didn't read your story but to answer the question in the title. No. Never. Yes, it sounds butthurt and lame but I think it's actually quite important.

I usually reply "I'm not a shelf" and put it onto the floor. If I absolutely have to hold it I'll make a big thing of it, or I'll say no, watch her get flustered, and roll my eyes and say something condescending like 'dear me, give it here'.

There was an article about this floating around somewhere in the past, but despite being a small trivial action it really hurts your frame quite a bit.

The exception is if I volunteer to hold something. Sometimes I'll say something like "Dear me, what on earth are you doing, give me your bag while you sort yourself out. There we go, I can't take you anywhere.". Still hold it like it's toxic waste though.

TLDR No, unless I initiate, and if I do I am generally condescending (in a teasing way, of course).

Invalidity · 2018-05-17T08:04:24+00:00

She just handed me her handbag without even making eye contact, pretty much just like assuming that I'm going to hold it

All of this feels like fucking disrespect to me at the moment, but then again I'm not sure if I've earned enough respect.

I think if I had a stronger opinion about these things, I wouldn't even have had to write this post.

You answered your own question but you want constructive criticism.

What

vandaalen · 2018-05-17T10:16:57+00:00

Oneitis. Next.

BobMargarita · 2018-05-17T08:55:14+00:00

Theres this girl at my work who does this. She's maybe a 6.5 at best, but acts like she's some alpha female and can get anyone to do what she wants them to. She constantly asks for dudes to do her favours and will almost never say thank you. The place I work is mainly males so she gets a lot of attention, and it makes her think shes a 10.

To answer your question though, you hold her handbag when she asks respectfully.

nme112 · 2018-05-17T12:39:13+00:00

It sounds like she gets off on bossing you around. Try taking charge a little, get angry at her. On more than one occasion chicks have gotten way hornier/responsive to me after I got uber pissed. It's like they want to fuck it out of me.

YouLoveThisBTW · 2018-05-17T12:58:51+00:00

You need to consider the idea that she is waiting with you to build a relationship but fucking a fwb to get hers.

I only say this so that if you ever find out that that’s the case it doesn’t blind side you.

As for the purse, yeah, that’s a tough one. Hold it for a minute, then say “here, you forgot this.” Or “this purse doesn’t go with my outfit” or “next time make sure there’s cash in it”

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2018-05-17T17:40:24+00:00

I read this and your comments so here we go.

I'm going to make a soul read and say you're somewhat like me in that you are treating this like an opportunity for experience. I don't throw hard to crack girls away unless they are exceedingly annoying because experience is what makes you a man and it is valuable to have experience with these types as well, as long as you are not wasting too much time and you're getting laid elsewhere.

The fact you say you have two other girls you're banging leads me to believe this. However, you seem to have gotten in too deep and have let this turn into a sunken cost fallacy. My advice would be to make a grab for the dominant frame and if it fails let her go because you're never going to be the alpha at that point.

My go to would be, for example, when she said the thing about the glass I would respond, "do you think that's charming?" she'll play dumb, it will escalate into something of an argument but the key would be to remain unemotional and after I made my point about how I don't like how she acts I would get up and leave. Not respond to any texts for a couple of days and then see how things went. If that failed I'd next.

leftajar · 2018-05-17T18:45:15+00:00

Actions speak louder than words.

She hands you the plate, you put it down on the table and smirk.

She hands you her handbag, you hand it back and say, "ask nicely."

This isn't a sexual thing; this basic "having personal boundaries."

IronJohnKwando · 2018-05-17T13:00:52+00:00

hard no from me. I especially don’t hold purses. If women give me shit I say “that doesn’t match my shoes” or “I’m trying to quit.”

altlegend · 2018-05-17T16:18:10+00:00

If I get handed a bag I'm putting it down on the floor. Sorry I'm not a whipped beta.

kendallb183 · 2018-05-17T17:10:30+00:00

If a girl asks me to hold her insert item here I always laugh and take it then set it on a table or something and say yeah that table will do a way better job than I will. I say it in a stupid discarding but sarcastic way that shows I am not their fucking butler. But makes a joke at the same time.

When a girl says I should hold open the door for them, I tend to hit the automatic door button for cripples and say something sarcastic too... it's not a flat rejection of then but sort of a way to show idgaf about meeting their stupid compliance tests. I comply in a highly smart ass way that shows that shit doesn't work with me. Then if they ask again I just laugh like they are joking and say no in a "pshhhh uh no...: kinda way.

friendandadvisor · 2018-05-17T15:14:07+00:00

She took me out on a coffee date over the weekend and we quickly ran into a clothing store. She just handed me her handbag without even making eye contact, pretty much just like assuming that I'm going to hold it. I took it before I could think, but I feel that I might have subtly lost some frame here.

I don't see this as being any kind of frame/shit test. This is just an equivalent to waiting for a door to be opened by the gentleman. It is sort of a 'manners' thing. Sure, we can call her a cunt and tell her that we alphas don't do this kind of shit, but, well, it's just one of those things.

It's not like she's saying "Hold this while I go blow that biker over there." She has something to do, you're her male friend doing traditional b/g stuff, she can't very well just leave her purse on the floor...just take the fucking bag!

She baked a cake for me and after we finished eating, she handed me her plate to take to the sink without saying a word, again just assuming that I'm going to take it. I first stopped and jokingly said "no thanks, I already have a plate, I don't need two" after which she just sat there, stared at me and then took her fork and placed it into my plate and shoved the plate towards me again.

This is funny! She may have been just fucking around, waiting for you to whip a little Amused Mastery, then some Penis Mastery, on her...or, it may have been a shit test. I think it was light hearted, tho.

While she was making dinner for us she asked if I wanted something to drink so I said yes, I'd like some water. She replied "well then get some, you know where the glasses are by now".

This, actually, is fucking rude. She fucking knows that you fucking know where the fucking glasses are. She doesn't need to ask if you want something to drink. If she was being polite, she would have said "Feel free to make yourself at home, blah, blah..." without the question. She went out of her way to be rude. I differentiate rude from shit test, though, this may have been both. At this point, she may have been that she needed you to do something to get off of dead center; since you can't get anywhere using your standard methods, maybe she just needed you to get tough and walk, show her some abundance mentality.

I'd have told her that I would go ahead and use one of the glasses at my own house, and blazed outta there. Orrrr, I'd have said "How fucking rude! Listen, obviously, you aren't in a good mood, so, why don't I give you some space and let you chill out?? OK, check you later, babe!" Then leave,with a light ass slap. Then, of course, soft next.

Title	Do you take things that girls give you to hold?
Author	cyanidez
Upvotes	6
Comments	44
Date	May 17, 2018 7:23 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8k2dk8/do_you_take_things_that_girls_give_you_to_hold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-you-take-things-that-girls-give-you-to-hold.97443 https://theredarchive.com/post/97443

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