Advice before divorce

xjeeperx · 2025-03-08T20:50:39+00:00

Work on you, take ownership for your part of it. Get happy being by yourself, get your life together, and then find someone that adds to that happiness.

I’m 3 years out, just started dating again, and it’s actually going well. I know what I want, and what I won’t tolerate.

HistoricalRich280 · 2025-03-08T13:25:25+00:00

Brother, loneliness is real and painful. But long term it will be better to wait. I’ve seen it where first hook up accidentally becomes relationship and now your life is a total mess. Get yourself together first.

FWIW, I think much of the advice given on this sub is due to the fear of the absolute worst case scenario, which I understand to be that your ex would accuses you of unfounded abuse and involve police, file restraining order, and thus secure her position financially and with the kids.

Unfortunately, although the advice here can help protect you if you are at risk of this type of situation, I also think some of the black/white rules presented can escalate issues from sort of amicable to not on speaking terms.

Depending how much time you have spent on this sub, some of that advice is 1. Never leave the home 2. Record all conversations/ put camera in common space.

The situation you describe indicates that you and your ex are able to communicate and function for your children without having to talk to ten lawyers first. This is good. This is not abandonment.

Not having finances to fight over is a true blessing in disguise.

Upstairs-Studio8509 · 2025-03-07T18:41:08+00:00

Make it about your kids, not about you. Focus on improving every area of your life, not instant gratification. If you are actually getting a divorce (and seems like it's definitely headed there), try to get sneaky proof that she's binging. It could help your custody case in the future.

Do what is right, not what is expedient.

Equal-Morning9480 · 2025-03-07T17:23:04+00:00

If I were you and I owned this home with your wife, you are both on the mortgage/deed, I would go back home and I would not leave until there is some type of court order in place, this can fuck you over badly

rsmiley77 · 2025-03-07T17:17:32+00:00

I’m most concerned about the mistakes you are making when it comes to your home and kids. A court may see you leave bing out as abandonment. Old eventually lead to you being an every other weekend dad living in a crappy apartment you can barely afford as you fund your stbx’s drugs and partying.

My advice you need to still be living with your kids until a court decides you or her have to go.

soontobesolo · 2025-03-07T16:41:25+00:00

If you really think a hookup will help, then go for it. I was never one for hookups, but what really helped me was just dating in general without expectations. Feeling attractive again, understanding that I was worthy, all that was absolutely huge. The sex was secondary and I waited a while for that, took my time.

General advice:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f4yhuc/my_advice_to_those_starting_down_this_path/

frogmicky · 2025-03-07T16:37:47+00:00

It probably would be a bad idea for a hookup here and there because it'll do nothing for your self-worth but inflate it.

What you should do is look into lawyers and make sure you have a separation agreement that is valid. I would also work on yourself as a man. You could go to the gym or make clay vases, whatever you think will make you happy. Don't sit on your hands waiting for her to make the first move be proactive this is your life not hers.

mesi130 · 2025-03-07T16:36:58+00:00

Get a sock

jalapeno-grill · 2025-03-07T16:33:03+00:00

My advice would to focus on getting the divorce process started. Put your effort in that area, hit the gym, focus on work. Once you start messing around with women again it is a complete distraction. It can also make your life more complicated if you are actually wanting to get divorced.

Don’t worry about wtf she is going with other men. Get that process started and once you are in a proper position to entertain that shit then do it.

If an opportunity comes up (not you searching for it), hey, who am I to judge. But, I would focus and think about what your priorities are and how to not distract yourself.

Title	Advice before divorce
Author	ChoppaBear
Upvotes	2
Comments	25
Date	March 7, 2025 4:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1j5sffs/advice_before_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/advice-before-divorce.1545889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545889

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