Advice

Sorta embarrassing to be up at 3 a.m. laying on the pullout couch in the spare room posting to this forum, but I’m anxious/confused and sorta angry trying to keep it all together. Unfortunately I’ve stopped doing what I perceived as being positive stuff in my life like going back to school, getting in shape, and getting more involved with church. Now the only thing I hang on to is working and I’ve unfortunately been hitting the bottle more and developing other unhealthy behaviors just to help me get through this.

Got married several months ago, and now she’s leaving me. She recently got a better paying job and a group of friends who are riddled with drama and apparently (she said) she used her new friends to distance herself from me because. She felt I was doing the same thing to her with school, work, and the gym (90% of that time shes at work). I don’t take her on long enough vacations and am controlling because I don’t feel comfortable with my wife hanging out alone at other men’s apartments or going to strip clubs. She basically blames me for everything she lacks in life and says everything is on my timeline, but I’m also the one who pays the bills and saves for everything and does most of the cooking, cleaning, and I take care of her dog (when it comes to daily needs or picking up). She kept giving me the cold shoulder and saying things like this and leaving me alone with her dog while she would be with her friends. I looked at her search history and saw she was looking at new apartments and looking up divorce attorneys among other stuff that I thought was concerning. Anyway I don’t want to drag this out, but shes moving out this week into her new trendy apartment that shes excited to decorate and furnish with new stuff and leaving me in this old apartment with all the stuff she probably doesn’t want and wants me to deal with smh.

She doesn’t want to divorce quite yet and wants to go through therapy. Yet shes made no effort towards setting anything up and says she cant make time for anything besides a phone call session. Well I looked into it and since I’m a veteran I get these services through the VA and the therapist told me since shes already leaving I need to attend therapy and she needs to attend discernment counseling. Which I agree with because Im afraid she’s stringing me along as a backup incase life without me doesn’t work.

I need advice on how to protect myself financially. We own nothing together, no kids, accounts are separate, she has a small loan on her car in her name, together several years but only married several months and now she’s leaving. We do have a joint bank account that I put all the wedding money into which is not much but north of a grand. I thought about cashing it out this week before she leaves to use for any repairs on damages to this apartment her dog caused and then if she decides she wants a divorce using it to pay for the filing fee and maybe then splitting whats left with her. Hell she’s taking most of the wedding gifts that she wanted with her. What a joke, sometime this week shes gonna have all her new friends over to move her out while I’m at work and I’m going to be alone. I offered to help her but she said she doesn’t want me there because “it’s going to be emotional” sure but i don’t think thats the whole reason, but whatever I don’t think I could take watching these people going through stuff and coming in and out of my home anyway. Shes also planning a vacation with her family that i was originally included on but not anymore, her family has basically told her to do whatever makes her happy, While my family is basically mourning.

Well in a few months I’ll be moving myself and doing some couch surfing until I figure out my next move, hopefully she makes a decision by then. I genuinely have lost the wind in my sails and just want to hit the pause button on life because I’m fatigued and don’t want to care anymore but I cant help but to still care.

Sorry that this just turned into a rant. If you do have any suggestions on protecting myself or if you believe that I should be fine with the way things are set up I’m here for it. Also I want to make some investments and move money around is it okay to do so or should I wait until divorce.