Alone time with kids

Suki100 · 2022-04-16T12:15:05+00:00

You stand your ground. Your girls deserve dad time. You can fit in blended family time later. But there is something special about having time for your daughters. Have a sensible convo with your girlfriend, but if you start giving in, you will create more problems. I feel for men who are caught between women wanting their attention. It feels good to want to make the women in your life happy but your girlfriend should understand.

TheRealDrWan · 2022-04-16T12:21:05+00:00

Just take your girls for sushi.

Don’t ask for permission, just do it.

Eve-3 · 2022-04-16T14:43:27+00:00

Take your girls out. In fact, try to make time to take them each out individually too so each understands that they are special and unique. And when your girls aren't there take her girls out too. If you think you are staying and this is going to be permanent then they need to be included in special things. So take them out for a special outing with you and bond with them and get to know them. Don't wait for your new partner to start this routine with them, it isn't her thing. Hopefully she does include your girls in her special things, but even if she doesn't you still can.

It's not bad at all that you have special time with your girls, in fact it's fantastic. The problem is that it excludes her girls and can cause resentment towards you and envy towards them and who knows what other issues. They have to be treated equally or they'll know you don't see them as being as good as your real girls. Your real girls is how they'll feel, like they're what you have until your real girls are there and then they don't matter any longer.

Good for mom for realizing the problem, though I think her solution goes the wrong direction. We don't want to add bad feelings to your girls for "losing" their daddy we want to add positive feelings for your new girls. Good luck dad, you are super for making sure your girls have special time with you.

Dell_Hell · 2022-04-16T13:36:40+00:00

Your GF needs to get over herself. Sometimes you need to be able to just focus on your kids, not her and her kids. They can talk to you that way more about what's really going on, how they really feel - without so many other people around.

oli_21_ · 2022-04-16T20:55:09+00:00

Esssh.......some bullshit mate. You do you.....this is typical and you need to never apologize for what you do for your kids.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2022-04-16T23:33:54+00:00

This is kind of a worrisome issue. It's not unreasonable for you to.spemd alone time with your kids, just as she probably has and will. It doesn't mean you think any less. To.me, it shows your dedication as a family man.

MedFu · 2022-04-17T05:53:08+00:00

She’s abusing you.

Read that again.

This is emotional abuse.

She’s GUILT TRIPPING you. It’s subtle. We often put up with it. It seems all nicey nice. But it’s not. It’s fucking abuse.

This is some grade A BS. My ex gf got between me and my son one time and we broke up. ONE TIME. He was anxious and sad and I told her I could tell he needed some dad time and she said “it feels like you don’t want me around”. That specific interaction led to the breakup but it represented a constant guilt trip.

A few months later we got back together. Same shit eventually came out. Guilt trips when I wanted alone time. “Of course I won’t say no. But I’ll miss you sooooo much! Sad face sad face lonely lonely.” “It feels like you guys don’t want me around”.

Nope.

It’s not the specific instance but it’s the face of the overall attitude. She wants to control the family. Wants to control your interaction with you and your kids. Wants to be their mom.

It’s subversive.

this always causes a problem

And it will never stop. Tell her she’s being emotionally abusive and if it happens one more time you’re out.

Or accept your lesser role in your children’s lives your gf has put on you.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-18T01:22:00+00:00

Flag color: RED

What she wants you to treat her kids as yours? Doesn't want your kids to have something hers don't? This is unnatural.

fencingmom1972 · 2022-04-16T22:19:05+00:00

I’ll go one step further and say that if she’s not encouraging you to spend time alone with your kids and even sometimes offering to stay with one of your daughters while you take the other one out for one on one time, there’s much more trouble ahead. What happens if you want time for just yourself? Would she encourage that or fight with you about it?

Even married parents should make time for one on one time with their kids, without the other parent. This isn’t any different.

2022-04-21T16:23:16+00:00

Sit your GF down and simply explain this is something that you need. Tell her you want her support and that it’s something to bond with your daughters.

Maybe suggest some activities just she can do with your daughters when you are not present and do the same for her kids.

Remind her you are in a partnership and that supporting each other’s needs is the key to success.

Title	Alone time with kids
Author	drummer8881
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	April 16, 2022 12:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/u4wbua/alone_time_with_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/alone-time-with-kids.1112454 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112454

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