Anyone else struggling through a divorce?

Irishspartan · 2019-05-24T00:46:00+00:00

I understand you’re hurting really bad and feel immense despair, but truthfully man, those are normal feelings, but they are just that —feelings. The perspective you take on your situation will determine the happiness of your future FAR more than your circumstances themselves. Your username itself shows that you’re stuck in the rut of feeling helpless about your situation. Take control. If you’re not in therapy, get in therapy. If you’re not reading, I highly recommend starting with some self help books. Sounds lame but cannot tell you how much they helped me. Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly is a great start. So is You Are Not Your Brain. Also, Meetup is a perfect app for finding groups to interact with. Find a community of people. There’s no one solution to this but it starts with taking control.

SadDivorcee · 2019-05-24T00:27:56+00:00

Dude. Come on. I’m not 21. I don’t want just sex. I would rather just jerk off.

life_on_the_farm · 2019-05-24T17:19:20+00:00

Im going through the process as well, but have finally really looked at my marriage and realized that I can definitely be happier than I have been. Ive also accepted that my marriage is over. Im not with those who say to go get laid a bunch. Im 40, Im not just looking to go bone. I want to get myself straightened out and then seek a serious relationship. Im not going to rush into it though, I want to be ready and well past the trauma of my divorce and losing my wife of 19 years. Im also pretty shy and a homebody. I don't get out much. I know that is one of the things I need to change. Ive read a couple of divorce books and some are fairly helpful, others not so much. If you have any close friends, talk to them about how you feel. I barely have any friends but the two I have are very good friends and I have talked to them. Ive started working on myself, eating better and exercising. I think the exercise has helped my mood and my mental state. Hang in there.

rjdickerson79 · 2019-05-24T00:25:16+00:00

Get a tinder and pof account. The more times you have sex with another person the more you'll realize you can get over her.

warrior_up · 2019-05-24T01:24:57+00:00

Here’s to the start of your next chapter bro. Life can be so much worse, divorce isn’t the end game - quit taking life so seriously

Trytosurvive · 2019-05-24T01:31:10+00:00

My ex initiated divorce- was suicidal for about 2 years - I still love her - or the memories of her and our past - she was my first love etc - I found a podcast with two divorced men really helpful (forgot the name) I did therapy, exercise, eat healthy, play with daughter, hobbies, SSRIs etc not through joy (except seeing daughter) but going through motions to hopefully one day it will stick and I would get some positive feelings back. After 3 years at a much better place but still ups and downs- I think some people live with the wounds and you live around them. I also read that 6 months to 5 years depending on circumstances it takes to fully function after divorce- not only do you lose your future and loved one, you lose economically, less access to kids, stigma- it’s a huge impact on life- it’s normal to feel fucked for a long time - just if the blackness gets too much seek help or join a support group etc. Jordan Peterson talks about depression and divorce as well in some of his talks that helped me

ticklemyballsack · 2019-05-24T01:47:30+00:00

You won't ever get over it, but you need to let go of all of it , it's done , everything you thought is no more, everything you had is no more, concentrate on yourself first and foremost, your relationship with your kids is no longer what it was , be there when they need u, but be there for yourself b4 anything else.

MrKatUK · 2019-05-24T10:36:04+00:00

Ill second the Tinder route.

Part of accepting what’s going to happen is to start moving on yourself.

I’ve met a few ladies online, and although there’s been no sex, it’s made me feel better within myself.

But I will say that you need to be open and honest with them. Otherwise you are just another douche.

shmarlow70 · 2019-05-23T23:59:53+00:00

Honestly I felt the same thing. I don’t know your backstory or what caused you to be going though a divorce but you can’t change anything from the past, the only thing you can do is focus on your future. Everyday it gets better. Everyday has is challenges and you wanting to call your ex and beg to get back together. But it fades, after awhile you will look back at this time and wonder why you ever felt like this.

It gets better trust me, you will get though this and become a better person for it

LMDINC · 2019-05-24T00:15:53+00:00

Dudeeee I know what you going throw.

SadDivorcee · 2019-05-24T03:11:53+00:00

Honestly, I have no friends. No family. They are all 2000 miles away. All my friends and family out here were hers. I stayed out her for her. Now I won’t leave my kids. So I have to accept being alone and depressed for the next 12 years until they graduate high school.

Arizona-Vinny · 2019-05-24T03:37:20+00:00

Buddy listen. I know how you feel. My divorce is close to being finalized. We were together for 20 years and have 2 kids together. I’ve surprised myself at how emotional I get. Songs.... places... it’s ok to cry (I didn’t think so for the longest time but I couldn’t help it). I feel lonely a lot too. I’m also pretty shy.

But you know what...as much as I still hurt, I feel like each day gets better. The biggest thing for me was going to the gym. Go on long walks. Get fresh air. Get the sadness and poison out of your head. Take classes or join something around an activity. Force yourself to get out and stay busy. Keep your mind sharp. The worst thing you can do is hide and drink. This is from a guy who has struggled mightily and still has ups and downs. More ups each day..... be strong for your kids.

SadDivorcee · 2019-05-24T03:41:16+00:00

I hear you man. I know deep down your right. But honestly I struggling hard right now...

BobQuasit · 2019-05-24T16:48:23+00:00

In a way I was lucky, I guess. I never loved my ex. Even so, though, divorce nearly killed me.

All I can suggest is therapy and medication. They help a lot. Plus time, of course.

SadDivorcee · 2019-05-24T17:37:28+00:00

Thanks man. I really envy you guys that are strong enough to move on. I just don’t see that for me. Especially since I will be seeing her so often at kids events. It’s going to be really hard on me for sure because she was my best friend as well. I just miss talking to her in general. But I have talked to few friends but they don’t live around here. Im actually about to fly out this evening to see those friends and family over the holiday weekend. I’m hoping that will help although it may even be harder on me since this will be the first time in 12 hours I’m going without my kids and family. I’m also seeing a therapist which helps a lot. I highly recommend it.

SadDivorcee · 2019-05-24T19:39:01+00:00

I didn’t know there was a difference between shy and introverted so I don’t know what I am. I know I am a wall flower that is afraid to talk to anyone I don’t know. But I’ll have to do more research on that.

Your story is inspiring but in my situation not only did I lose my wife and best friend but I lost my way of life. I had to move into a small one bedroom apartment that I can barely afford and once child support hits I won’t be able to even afford that. Not sure what I’m going to do. And out here they base child support on a percentage so the more you make, the more they take. So there is really no way to get ahead. That puts me in a position that I couldn’t travel or buy stuff or sign up for classes. Just adds to my depressed and dire situation.

RFBComp · 2019-05-24T07:29:35+00:00

Read the book The Unchained Man.

Title	Anyone else struggling through a divorce?
Author	SadDivorcee
Upvotes	15
Comments	49
Date	May 23, 2019 11:27 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/bs9t42/anyone_else_struggling_through_a_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-else-struggling-through-a-divorce.1206659 https://theredarchive.com/post/1206659

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