Hello, going through a contentious divorce that certainly had the chance at the beginning to be amicable and now has an even greater chance of becoming much much worse.

My stbx decided to go for primary custody behind my back and has signaled they are willing to go to court to get it. (No chance of settling) Since then we have been constantly bickering and arguing over everything (primarily in text): schedule, change of schedule, assets, you name it. Although, I don't think I really said anything that is outside of the norm of two people ending a marriage. There definitely have been no threats, violence, or name calling but I've probably dropped an F bomb or two.

But in an attempt to defend myself and my rights while my ex tries to take everything from me, I feel I may be coming off as argumentative and "high conflict". Whereas she probably comes across as more civil in day to day (much easier to do when everything is currently in her favor, she is living in the house and has all its contents, literally nothing in her life has changed other than I am out of the picture and she has more free time away from the kids (which she wanted).

So my question is how much will being seen as "high conflict" affect my ability to get joint physical custody. I currently have my kids 50% of the time (had to fight for that) and have been the primary caregiver during the workweek for the past 2 years.

I truly don't feel I am that high conflict. I feel like most of my reactions are due to the unfairness of the situation. My ex likes to play up every minor disagreement to suggest that I am not mentally fit to watch my children. At the same time, she asks me to watch them when she is unable to due to work conflicts.

Has anyone gone through a not so amicable divorce and maybe even been the "high conflict" spouse and still managed to get joint custody?