I’ve met a wonderful woman. We’ve been dating exclusively for over 5 months. We get along great. She likes my kids and understands the demands of 50/50 custody for parents with kids their age. She has two young adult kids of her own. Holidays were fantastic. She’s smart. She’s successful. She’s kind. And for some reason, she thinks I’m special.

I’m twice divorced. Both due to infidelity. The first one my choice. We were only married 3 years. The second divorce was my children’s mom’s choice. Ended a 17-year marriage and 19 years together.

I’m good with all that healing stuff. I recognize my own shortcomings in both relationships and at least part of the reason that both women sought other partners. I’m not sure I can fix that thing that I don’t offer them. In fact, I’m not sure that at 56 I really want to try.

The thing with the current relationship is our future marital plans. I have no plans to go for a 3rd marriage. I just won’t do it. I can be completely committed without a ceremony or a government contract. She has been married once and is very clear that she wants to marry again.

There doesn’t seem to be any place to compromise those two goals. If i acquiesce, I’ll immediately resent it. I can live with resentment. I did so for a lot of my 17-year marriage. But I don’t want that again. If she compromises, it sacrifices something important to her, and resentment can build on her part. What’s more, because I’ve had two spouses who vented resentment in similar ways, I’ll spend a lot of my time wondering if this is the day she has had enough.

I’d love any other perspectives or things I’m not seeing. I’ve been on Reddit 7 years, and this is my first post. I told myself I was saving it for a doozy. This seems to qualify.