CUSTODY MEDIATION

Rjs617 · 2022-10-20T17:54:02+00:00

Our custody mediator was a man, but he fell for my ex’s BS. She pulled all the same stuff, crying etc. I asked for 50/50, and she started with supervised visits every other Saturday. The mediator actually asked me if I could come closer to her position, and I said no, why should I. Her position was totally unreasonable.

Eventually, we got no further than every other weekend from Friday after school to return to school Monday, plus all Fridays from after school until 8PM. I asked for a Tuesday overnight, which my son and I both wanted and she kept saying no, and so I finally stood up and said I was leaving and we could go to court.

At this point the mediator tried to talk me out of it saying that I might get less in court, and I told him I would be fine with that because at least I tried, but I would not be fine rolling over for their terrible deal. He then tried to scare me by saying I’d be responsible for more meals and laundry and after school stuff, and I responded that I was already doing all that, which I was because my ex didn’t pull her weight.

I f-ing hated that guy.

Eventually she caved on the extra overnight, and that saved my son because he did not like it at my ex’s house. Even with the time I got, he complained a lot about having to spend more time at his mom’s.

During distance learning her whole lie about being more available during school hours because she doesn’t work totally unraveled. We ended up going to a straight 50/50 schedule at that point, which is finally what I wanted.

A year after that, our son’s relationship with his mom reached a breaking point because he is bigger than her and she cannot physically control him when they argue. He is now with me full time, and we get along fine. At no point have any of our arguments ever escalated to the point where they were physical. My son is a good kid. He stays out of trouble and works hard at school. The fact that my ex and he fought as much as they did is on her, in my opinion. My son and I are both relieved to no longer live with her.

If our mediator was paying attention, he would have seen what our son’s relationship with his mom and me was like, and how much time I was spending with him before the divorce, and what a disruption it would be to drastically cut my time with him. Instead, he just took my ex’s side right from the start.

Thank goodness my son was almost a teenager already and was soon able to make his own choices.

RideATX · 2022-10-20T15:55:16+00:00

You don't have to agree to anything in mediation. The mediator leans on the weaker party to get get an agreement. Don't budge. We'll see what the judge has to say is a perfectly fine response.

Nobody-941 · 2022-10-20T18:59:58+00:00

My STBXW asked that we wait a year before overnights during court ordered mediation. Keep in mind I raised the kids with her everyday just prior to the false TRO that were squashed. Anyway, our mediator knew it was ridiculous and I imagine she told her (Separate rooms). I thanked the Mediators for their time and we were in court later in the week. Judge asked us again to talk in the hallway...same unreasonable demands. I mentioned to my ex after she wouldn't reason, that we would be walking into that court room and the Judge will decide for us. She walked away. Judge granted everything I asked for because she didn't even fathom preparing a counter that was in the ball park of reasonable...only came in with a complete refusal of anything I said. Tell her you will see her in court. Good Luck.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-20T15:56:33+00:00

Women are entitled. Water is wet. News at 11.

Did you sign anything? That's what matters. If not, then tell her you'll let the judge decide. Sometimes trial (or the threat thereof) is the only thing that will instill rationalism in a woman long enough to mediate an agreement.

Mediators have one job: To get an agreement. They don't care about being fair. They get an agreement by leaning on the weaker party. And the mediator saw you as the weaker party.

If you do go back to mediation, then read this: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=46407

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-20T17:03:17+00:00

Change mediators

CleburnCO · 2022-10-21T21:27:08+00:00

So...refuse to accept it instead of talking to strangers on the internet about how bad it went.

Title	CUSTODY MEDIATION
Author	TheBoyBand
Upvotes	12
Comments	35
Date	October 20, 2022 3:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/y91d4i/custody_mediation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/custody-mediation.1136326 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136326

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