I’m a mess. Wife wants divorce after 20 years together (rightfully so). I suffered major childhood trauma, it has lead to me being a shit husband. Shut down, defensive, emotionally unavailable and emotionally dishonest. A major wall built up between me and literally everyone. 3 months ago she wanted separation, through therapy and changes she gave me a final chance. Things were going great and therapy brought out a person in me I hadn’t known since childhood. I was open, emotionally available and stable. Then, I started a new job. The stress triggered something in me, same time I ran into a dead end with the therapist and we weren’t progressing. I stopped therapy and backslid into the old me. I know I have caused a ton of damage and trust issues ( no cheating or anything like that, dismissiveness, defensiveness, lack of accountability, distance, lack of emotional availability etc). Today she says she is done, 16 year old son whom I/we love dearly. She has some resentment (justifiably) says she still loves me but has to do this for herself and own healing. I am back in therapy, but it’s too little too late unfortunately. My trauma has become her trauma now. She is not interested in couples therapy. I literally can’t do life without her. We are living together for the next 1.5 months at which point she wants to separate. Anyone been in a place like this? Is there any hope? This is the love of my life, on a whole nother level. I want no one else. What can I do? I have no friends or family to confide in and feel like I might not make it through this, but I have to and will for my son. Tho I don’t know what will come out the other side. I’m looking for real, honest advice. I’ve truly fucked up.