Divorcing a Narcissist ... help

stent00 · 2022-12-02T16:16:08+00:00

Well if she didn't work she didn't work. Depending where you live this could be one sided in the custody arrangement. Fight for 50\50. She had degrees she will have to get a job now.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-12-02T19:18:45+00:00

How do I prove that she has been lazy

That's the neat part. You don't.

Even if you could, it's meaningless. The court doesn't care.

Now you can take her degrees and certifications and slap together a resumé and thus get her income stipulated in order to reduce what you'll pay. Don't get an expert to interview her, just do the resumé with stuff that can be a matter of public record. And then if it goes to court it's up to the judge (but you can still make an offer that gives numbers based on your estimate of her employability).

As far as custody goes, if she's abusive and you can prove it, that works for you. It's not enough to prove that you're the "better parent," they'll only consider it if you can prove that it's actively harmful for them to stay with her.

The big things to consider when divorcing a narcissist are:

they'll jam stuff up with frivolous crap
they'll attack your character, which you need to condition yourself not to respond in any way to that. (Look up 'grey rock' for that)
They'll lie like crazy, which to protect yourself you need to be able to document everything, i.e. recording all interactions or insisting that all communication be done over email or text.
They'll harass you, which you respond to with a restraining order.

traderjoesbeforehoes · 2022-12-02T18:20:14+00:00

im also in nj, and have 2 failed mediations under my belt, in the 1st they claimed her income needed to be $0 for an alimony calculation because she was on disability. (she was still making $1k per week from disability). she has had the same full time job, 22 years with the same company and makes $75 per hour. all she would need to do is work 30 hours per week to make the same as me. both lawyers i have (the 1st one was an idiot i hired him for mediation, which was a total failure)say im going to need to go to trial and hire a vocational expert to impute her income. the whole thing is so fucking backwards. she has a job, we already know what her pay is, wtf is it that hard to impute her an income???

good luck my dude, dont settle for anything less than min wage x 40hours per week at a minimum.

SanMiguelDayAllende · 2022-12-02T16:30:10+00:00

I hope you have more luck, but my non working ex did not have to get a job after the divorce. Only I work. I guess to maintain the status quo?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-12-02T21:36:44+00:00

> how do I prove she has been just lazy

You don't. You focus on how you've been SuperDad.

With regards to her employment, you pay $5k to have a vocational evaluation performed. The ROI will pay for itself in reduced support costs.

playerknowmore · 2022-12-02T23:08:14+00:00

In the Instagram age she probably isn't just lazy; she probably cultivated an on line image as a stay at home mom. A job will alter her online image. There is actually a thing called SAHGF. Instagram models who posts on social media all day while their boyfriend provides a luxurious lifestyle.

Title	Divorcing a Narcissist ... help
Author	No-Big7797
Upvotes	10
Comments	15
Date	December 2, 2022 3:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zapnbl/divorcing_a_narcissist_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorcing-a-narcissist-help.1143204 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143204

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