Finally built up the courage to post here.... here goes nothing... I’ve felt unloved, and unappreciated for years, and I’ll admit that I’ve had an affair. My wife found out about it. It’s time to divorce, and I’d appreciate any advice on how to best move forward. We’re in Texas.

FunkyTownMascot · 2023-04-14T02:41:38+00:00

Mediate, agree on nothing less than 50/50 custody, and get your wife to work. Alimony will be limited due to her education and the short duration of the marriage.

Be prepared for her to want everything in the divorce.

ideliver22 · 2023-04-14T04:17:15+00:00

Your affair partner is not your "soul mate." That's just new relationship energy, not love. The affair was a symptom of a larger problem that you should figure out. This will take time and counselling.

Please don't advance this other relationship. You need time to grieve the loss of your marriage. The disruption to your child's "family." You just need time.

life-is-short- · 2023-04-14T03:05:12+00:00

No alimony in Texas for less than 10 years marriage. Unless you have been really bad to her. You end up in 50/50 of what you gain together 401k, savings, stocks, debt

justsomedude1111 · 2023-04-14T13:03:00+00:00

Also in TX. I used www.texasdivorceonline.com to interview and have the paperwork drawn up for $200. It was easy since my stbx and I agreed on an uncontested divorce. They used the suggested visitation schedule and in my case asked that I have primary custody for a few reasons. My STBX agreed and that was that. It took about 2 weeks for the paperwork to be ready. It was about $400 to file the paperwork. I'm currently waiting on a summons from the court to complete the divorce. Not sure if there will be additional fees, but I'm assuming there will be.

playerknowmore · 2023-04-14T18:46:57+00:00

It sounds to me like a lot of men don't check their woman at the beginning of the relationship and can not check after marriage. Happy wife, happy life. Condemns men into its cheaper to keep her. If you are not giving an opportunity to have your opinions. I refused to be my wife's child.

xadmin123 · 2023-04-14T03:40:06+00:00

Did she change before the marriage or after?

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-04-14T17:07:55+00:00

Everyone else has good advice -- insist on 50/50 (unfortunately you're in Texas where it's customary for fathers to get every other weekend -- but it'll take every divorcing man in the state always fighting for it and overwhelming the system before that'll change. Be part of the force for change.), anything you put into accounts since being married gets split in half (and anything you had before getting married doesn't get split). Your stbx needs to work and she's not entitled to alimony based on the facts. Make sure it's filed as no-fault.

Let me give you an extra piece of advice. Dump your affair partner. Stay totally single, not dating for a year. You need this time to recover and figure out who you are without someone else. Your hand reaches the necessary parts if you need to 'get off' but be careful about porn because it can be a huge life-consuming rabbit hole. Also quit drinking or using other mind-altering substances. Find a hobby, something you can do for fun and accomplishment and relating to other people. Many here will say 'hit the gym' and I don't disagree but the important thing is taking care of your soul, and for a lot of men punching a bag et al helps but for some it doesn't; just explore and figure it out.

Playing a bit of therapist here . . . I'm going to suggest you had the affair because you didn't do the above -- you didn't take care of yourself, you let your physical and mental health slide and your stbx responded to that very negatively, thus feeding back and making it worse. The problem could have been fixed by taking care of yourself long ago, but that's neither here nor there -- the main thing to focus on after (and during) the divorce is fixing the problem.

Jdogg125 · 2023-04-15T02:41:05+00:00

Take time off work - spend some time with a therapist. Understand what is the gap and see if divorce is the right choice.

Alatornio · 2023-04-14T04:01:40+00:00

You screwed up. Hopefully she goes easy on you but dont believe much you hear from her.

Your only goal is to be in the child's life. You are going to have to fight for that.

Comments