First post

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-06-15T20:00:42+00:00

I’m in a good place after my ex grenaded our 17 year marriage for an affair and ruined me financially in the divorce. I’m not anyone special; I credit my faith, my badass friends, and an active lifestyle with good habits and fitness. Doesn’t mean I don’t have hard days like everyone else though, but I also refuse to drink when I’m feeling bad.

It seems pretty normal to me that you’d still be feeling the loss of almost everything meaningful to you, and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. You’re still getting back up every day, and you have my respect for that. Just take it easy on the alcohol. You got this brother.

Candidate_Worldly · 2025-06-12T12:16:09+00:00

You're not alone. I'm coming up a year separated now, and the void inside is just as empty. My life is shit, quite frankly. My home ,my wife, half the time with my kids , half my wages to a shitty rental property, my workshop, my motorbikes, all gone. For no good reason. Hard to reconcile this.

MiddleSwipeCrisis · 2025-06-12T09:25:48+00:00

You’re not alone, not in the dark, not in the drinking, not in the “I’ve tried everything and still feel like I’m walking around with a hole in my chest” bit.

Anniversaries hit like a punch to the chest, even years later. You’re grieving not just the person, but the version of your life you thought you’d still be living. And yeah, it’s brutal when the therapy tools and distractions don’t feel like they do anything to help. I've been where you are right now and you are doing the right thing, you are talking. Talk to anyone, friends, family, strangers on the internet, talk to your microwave at home but just talk!!

I’m not going to throw a cliché at you or tell you to go run a marathon, but I will say this: the fact that you’re still showing up for your kids, that you’ve tried, that you posted on here, that means you haven’t given up. You might feel empty, but you’re not done. Sometimes we confuse numbness with failure, but it’s just the mind saying, “I need a breather.” Let it breathe. You don't have to fix it all in one day.

If you ever want to just vent, DM's open. No judgment. We’re all dragging our own bags through the same storm.

You’re doing better than you think.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2025-06-12T05:44:58+00:00

It's been a year and six months for me. I can honestly say that I am living my BEST life! I say that to offer hope to those who are just going through it and have not made it a year yet. Hang in there!

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2025-06-12T05:20:57+00:00

3 years here to mate. Your not alone. Keep pushing forward. The dark days are the hardest for a reason. They make you stronger. Also no feeling good or bad is permanent. You will feel at peace again.

Content-Class1259 · 2025-06-12T03:07:56+00:00

I think everyone who goes through a divorce initiated by their other half goes through the same sets of emotions and issues, it’s just a time thing around how long it takes for the issues to move to the background in your life. I think many of us go through the drinking, the silly dates, the late nights, all as tools to try and recover from probably the biggest kick in the guts you will ever get. I’m roughly around 4 years clear, and yes, I still get down, I still think about her now and again, and how it all unfolded, but, I also think if we had kept going along the same path would I be happy now, or still just existing? I drank myself into oblivion early on, full bottles of spirits nightly, but it didn’t really help, it’s just digs the hole deeper. You need to get living, travel, go to events you wouldn’t normally have had the chance to, just do things that add a little extra to your life. All the things in my life now would never have been possible inside my marriage, so maybe she did us both a favour in the long run. Embrace the now my friend!

lllllll2567 · 2025-06-12T01:13:21+00:00

Thank you everyone especially you guys who mentioned alcohol. That’s a demon I’ve been wrestling with ever since everything went down.

Riff_Raff1 · 2025-06-12T00:33:58+00:00

I’m early in the stage, so I can’t understand what you’re going through. But to your comments, I can speak to what has helped me — talking about it. As a guy, the last thing I want(ed) to do is talk about my impending divorce, especially with strangers. I’ve always buried my emotions down deep, and it took me hitting rock bottom (and finally going to see a therapist) to realize I’d cut off all emotions, both good and bad. I was essentially a shell of a person just going through the motions of life.

Once I got through this, I did start to feel things again, and I was able to start down the stages of loss — grief, sadness, and now I’m working through anger & resentment (while still dealing with sadness/loss and some shame/regret). What I did find was talking about things was a HUGE step for me. I found a divorce group that met locally. I started, then stopped, the registration process multiple times. I finally did register (took me many months to actually do it), and that first meeting was extremely uncomfortable for me. I shared very little. But I was able to listen to others that were in different places than me — some further along (divorced, or almost divorced) and some wrestling with whether they should. It was cathartic realizing we’re just people hurting over our situation that none of us wanted to be in. It took a few weeks/meetings for me, but I was able to share some of my story with the group.

I’ve also reached out to some friends that had previously gone through divorce — this was incredibly hard as well. And what I found out was that they were more than willing to just listen, give a little bit of perspective (from their experiences), and advice if asked. It’s been great to have a few friends to do nothing more than “check in” with me from time to time. I’ve thought about friends quite a bit — one in particular who I was fairly close with. And my wife is friends with his wife. And he never once reached out to me despite knowing what I’m going through. I’m sure he’s heard plenty of my wife’s character assassination, but he’s never reached out to me on it. On one hand, it hurts that he has not — and on another hand, I’m not sure if I would have either if the roles were reversed. What I’m saying is that until you’ve been through a divorce yourself, you cannot understand. And too many guys don’t know what to say, and will instead say nothing at all…. But I’m 99% sure that if you reached out, they’d be more than willing to just hang out, grab dinner or a beer, etc…. That’s what you need. That’s what I need.

While I’m not yet divorced (I am separated), I do understand the hurt. And I’ve had too many days of rumination where I can’t get out of my own head. But what I’ve found is talking to others, even if they don’t know what to say, is the best medicine to help me accept and process my own pain.

Best of luck to you. I wish you the best.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2025-06-12T00:32:11+00:00

Well… you’ve got us

Ok_Supermarket9402 · 2025-06-12T00:28:30+00:00

3 years here, getting somewhat better. But i can feel your pain man. Keep going.

myxyplyxy · 2025-06-12T00:16:49+00:00

I am sorry. I know where you are. The empty hole.

I know everyone has their process, but alcohol didnt help me fill that void. The only thing that helps is sitting with the pain.

StatisticianOld8246 · 2025-06-12T00:11:14+00:00

Hang in there buddy. I’m early on in the process and it’s tough to hear that you’re still dealing with this years down the road.

Ready-Tomatillo7645 · 2025-06-12T00:10:56+00:00

I’m so sorry dude

Title	First post
Author	lllllll2567
Upvotes	19
Comments	16
Date	June 11, 2025 11:51 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1l980yd/first_post/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-post.1554520 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554520

Comments