Getting over her

No_Key_6276 · 2023-03-31T13:29:49+00:00

Limited contact, keep it about your baby and nothing else. I’m in your shoes too. It’ll be hard at first think detoxifying. It does get easier as the days go by. You have no obligation to be a friend. Have you taken up any new hobbies? If not then try those. Get back into your old loves and rediscover your worth. Fall in love with you. Treat yourself the way you would treat your love. She’s gone and you need to kill any notion that she might come back. You’re just hurting you.

throwsadaccountxxx · 2023-03-31T14:24:46+00:00

No Contact, welcome to the gym bro.
That woman and family was everything to me too. 17 months in, still feels like limbo. Maybe it's how life will be now.

rookiepatchaut · 2023-04-01T01:16:28+00:00

In a similar boat. Painful divorce after ex met someone else. We were together over 12 yrs. She left when she got a better paying job with high status colleagues, and you can assume the rest.

Actually have had problems dating again even after being apart for two years. Partly because I let myself go mentally after the breakup and had “oneitis.” Also because I held onto hope and didn’t want to take a chance we’d get back.

I’m still struggling. I’ll have a week where I’m fine, but then I’ll crash and crash hard.

Biggest thing for me is forgiving myself and realizing it was her choice, and I don’t know everything she was thinking. I like to think if I had just been better during the pandemic (lost my job, mental health suffered), or if I had dressed better or worked out more or came home from work earlier, things would have worked out. But men only see the top of the iceberg. We have no idea what she has going on below the waterline. And most of her emotions, desires, tactics are below the waterline.

The best advice someone told me is that real relationships aren’t brittle. If a year of depression on my end was reason for her to throw away 12+ years, the relationship was never as solid as I imagined (at least for her), and she prob would have left me at some point if the right guy came along. She prob only stuck around for 12 years because the right guy didn’t come along earlier.

I just wish we had broken up sooner when I was still in my 30s. Dating seems tougher than ever in my late 40s, but I also have a lot to learn about OLD.

My recommendation is to pursue hobbies you didn’t do with your ex (esp hobbies that really challenge you). I loved scuba diving and skiing, but my ex and I always scuba dived. I’ve accepted that I’ll be taking a break from that hobby for the time being to try other things that I’ve always been curious about (snowboarding, kite surfing, fly fishing, dirt biking).

glassofwater05 · 2023-03-31T14:56:22+00:00

Right there with you. I'm working out like a maniac the last couple days after I found out something that my stbxw, who I still live with, has been doing since we separated. It has been a hard couple days, but I am leaning on my family and friends, and trying to keep as busy as I can.

We will get over them. I know I will get over her, but I don't know when.

thrownaway41422 · 2023-03-31T18:32:12+00:00

No words of advice e for to< but thank you for sharing this with us. Everyone here is super supportive but it gets depressing hearing about how much people's lives are now that they're divorced. I've tried what I could and I'm still stuck on her. It's comforting to hear I'm not not n only one.

geraltofoblivia · 2023-03-31T19:19:57+00:00

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Had a baby early 2019, was laid off in July, COVID starts not long after. Took a major toll on mental health just like you, relationship deteriorated pretty quickly. I had a breakdown later, she left, said she would come back if I got help but I got help and nothing got better. This is obviously a condensed version of the story, I didn't do well for a while. Turns out I'm pretty sure she was cheating on me. Sometimes women just suck.

Best way I got over het? Probably the time apart and lack of contact which was her idea I think. Eventually it broke me of the spell I was under and I was able to see her for who I assume she truly is. So yeah time is the best remedy. Take care of yourself physically that was what I struggled with. Drink lots of water, force yourself to eat even though you're probably not going to want anything. I lost 50 plus pounds in that period of time, but since I hadn't been taken care of myself before it was actually a good thing for me. Definitely do the gym thing or find some way to stay physically fit. You need the stress relief right now. Just give it time, eventually she'll be out of your life and you can do what YOU want to do. Whether that's fine somebody else or be alone, it's your call. Stay strong man!! 💪💪

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-04-01T02:34:55+00:00

"This woman was my world".

That's the problem right there. Putting her on a pedastool.

boatlife44 · 2023-04-01T03:31:32+00:00

I feel you man. You gotta get to a place of understanding that nothing in life is permanent. You just have to focus on becoming the strongest version of yourself, so that you don’t need anyone to be there in order for you to be stable.

Understand also that you manifest your own reality. Whatever you focus on becomes real. So push those thoughts to the side and replace them with positive thoughts.

Get into therapy, the gym, put the booze down, focus on friendships, work, hobbies. It gets better king 👑

wolpak · 2023-03-31T19:11:01+00:00

This is because it is still about her and not about you. You even said it in your post. “Did the right things to keep my family.” Never do the “right things” (by this, fix yourself) for other people, do it for yourself. Once you work on yourself because you love you, only then will things fall into place.

Do the things that ween you off of her, whatever you need. But take a look at yourself, figure out what person you want to see looking back at you in a year and fucking get to it.

sparky1976 · 2023-03-31T19:23:45+00:00

Try a prescription of Lexapro

Sea-Shallot · 2023-04-02T11:59:45+00:00

Understand female nature it appears you’ve yet to do so

Title	Getting over her
Author	Kentankerous1
Upvotes	14
Comments	14
Date	March 31, 2023 1:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/127l7s6/getting_over_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/getting-over-her.1207313 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207313

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