Got an odd question

mcw33 · 2023-09-24T14:53:24+00:00

I’m not in the same boat as mine is not amicable at all, but you need a clean cut I’d recommend not engaging with any sex as it will muddy feelings etc.

techrmd3 · 2023-09-24T15:30:27+00:00

she's subtly telling you that she has been "released in" so you need not worry about cheating in the relationship because she has

mind game. I would ignore and bang as you want to bang.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-09-24T15:49:03+00:00

A release with each other? Or a release with someone else? It's an important detail you omitted in the story.

If she means you and her having sex, whatever you do, don't get her pregnant now. Make sure she swallows that load. Divorcing a pregnant woman is the lowest of low situations.

Brilliant-Tomorrow55 · 2023-09-24T14:57:50+00:00

You're so soon into this thing, don't go looking for release. Two reasons:

1) It could be a trap to get you into a "fault" situation

2) most importantly, you're gonna need time to get past some things and even casual sex brings potential for emotional bonds. You don't need that right now.

My ex said that while we were married and while I doubt she was messing around, your wife may be doing it already or prepared to if she's saying this.

You're better served agreeing and seeing if she does it...and if you collect proof of it, keep it in your back pocket as leverage until you aren't living together anymore. After that, the courts typically don't care about the other relationships.

Does your state have a separation filing or just living apart counts?

kidkangaroo · 2023-09-24T16:32:01+00:00

Here in VA, the last known date of intimacy can and will be used against you when establishing a date of separation. The longer you are married, the more money you will pay in alimony. And so long as you are not separated (still being intimate), any debts she is incurring in the mean time will be yours too. Get a good lawyer. Good luck.

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2023-09-24T22:02:08+00:00

She'll probably be fantasizing about someone else.

i_am_buzz_lightyear · 2023-09-24T16:10:21+00:00

We did this. We called it stress relief and "keeping it weird" was our motto. We both would initiate. We fucked at my new place. We fucked the day we signed the paperwork. When I was around, we fucked. The sex was just as good as always. Everything was great considering the situation. I treated her like an FWB. We met up and hung out together with the 4 and 6 yr old (at the time). It was good for them. I remember being there to get the kids and she offered stress relief and said she would turn on something for the kids to watch. When she asked, I think I said, "am I a man?" I went right up the stairs and she followed.

BUT -- beware. It allows her to maintain control and leaves you vulnerable to be hurt even more. You become hopeful for a friendship. You then enjoy this, just like you once did with marriage. I left town for a couple weeks to work and she nuked it. It hurt. She went back on the agreement. She was "forced" into it she said. Slander came next and now we are fighting with lawyers, barely talk, and are completely inconsiderate. A "friend" likely got to her. Don't care. It doesn't matter. I didn't have respect for her anyway. It was more like a surprise one night stand every time it happened.

Your mileage may very, I don't know your woman, but I will say it was fun while it lasted, about 4 months.

Edit: 13 years here too. Next court date in November. Fun shit.

Edit 2: I feel like I should give more because this was down voted. The story above is true. She had an affair that ended in December when I took the proof to the church. It started in October when I was out of town. She begged to stay together. I let her try to reconcile. It failed. We started serious divorce talks in April. Paperwork was signed in July. Then she lawyered up before that went to the final hearing in Aug.

Yours doesn't seem like there was foul play. If you think you'll remain friends (I've seen it happen to others) why not fuck?

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-09-24T19:16:48+00:00

Remember, she's no longer your life partner, and there's no reason to complicate divorce matters with physical intimacy. Sure, divorcing couples have sex, but it often leads to second guessing and regrets. Keep things amicable, don't feel obligated to or obligate yourself, and follow the sage advice of your attorney.

hazalo9 · 2023-09-24T19:32:03+00:00

You both are used to each other and 13 years of feelings will not go away in an instant. Who really brought up divorce first? One of you will realize that you will have to stop sleeping together in order to move on and dump the other. Be the dumper, not the dumpee. It's time to move on before she decides it one day then you will be in emotional pain.

Affectionate-Pea-350 · 2023-09-24T21:16:26+00:00

If you guys sleep together that restarts the 1 year of seperatation. At least here in SC it does. I will struggle with that if she ever even wants me.

SuperConfused40 · 2023-09-25T13:57:27+00:00

ITS A TRAP!

All parts of your relationship are over. It takes a long time to mourn and move on. Stay strong.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-09-25T17:38:11+00:00

May want to check your state's laws on defining the "date of separation" and whether intercourse counts toward "reconciliation".

Huge warning first: you want to make 100% certain she isn't pregnant, by you or someone else.

Best bet is to say "no thank you" and start moving on with your romantic life. You're divorcing for a reason.

Title	Got an odd question
Author	soullessredhair
Upvotes	7
Comments	13
Date	September 24, 2023 2:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16qzdqr/got_an_odd_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/got-an-odd-question.1232850 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232850

Comments