greive. take the time to greive

EmotionSix · 2022-07-20T12:03:47+00:00

Someone gave me The Grief Recovery Handbook. Im reading it now.

Gattsama · 2022-07-20T06:23:50+00:00

I'm in the middle of divorce and no kids. She asked me to move out & took off her ring Oct '21 (which I did, then after a few days later I took my ring off too). We tried the reconciliation dance, but ultimately I told her it's not going to work, we are not healthy together and I filed Feb '22. We have been in a slow motion train wreck since Aug '19. No cheating (that I know of) but constant emotional abuse, dead bed for over 2 years (although she tried to flip the script and love bomb me during reconciliation), everything is my fault, we have no happy memories, I am never enough or doing enough...

I was so beat down and fucked up mentally. I keep making promises to myself that I never kept. And I kept trying to make it work. Her asking me to leave was the best thing that ever happened, because if she had not I would most likely still be there, trying to suffer through it, endure, lying to myself and trying to make it work.

When I left in Oct I had never been more peaceful and stress free. Now I'm doing all the work to unfuck myself, unplug myself and figure out why I was simping so hard and delusional. I'm working on becoming: emotionally fit, mentally fit, physically fit and financially fit. I use to get these waves of guilt and anxiety, and spontaneously cry 😢 I came to understand that was basically dopamine withdrawal from being trauma bonded in our toxic relationship.

Greiveing is happening, but mostly I think I did it during the last 2 years of the marriage. The way she's acted since I filed shows me more of her character. She use to tell me she has nothing (emotionally, we had a ton of trips, huge home, lots of pets). But she keep saying that for years. I have nothing, I'm not safe, you don't do enough.

That use to crush me, or upset me, or annoy me... now I think she might have been right... not sure what to grieve... not sure what we lost... I think we were never really healthy together... 😔 I think greieve the lost of the delusion of who she is and what we could have had. But that was a delusion and it needed to die...

CaliDude75 · 2022-07-20T05:40:01+00:00

I grieved before I petitioned. By the time I petitioned, I was over her and the marriage long before. Thankfully no kids involved.

pegleg_legal · 2022-07-20T03:30:56+00:00

This is really, really important. It's okay to be angry and hurt and all of that but you need to work through it to reduce any long-term damage. Great advice.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2022-07-20T03:16:02+00:00

My friend, my son says the same at 3 years old. It's crushing to my soul. It's so upseting to me when he states he wants to be with his daddy when I drop him off. He doesn't understand.

JackSkell0255 · 2022-07-20T02:31:22+00:00

Everyone has their own method of grieving.

The important thing is to remember that it is OK, even (possibly) necessary, to do so.

25 years ago, if someone had just told me to grieve, I would have channeled my despair, anger, sense of failure and lack of impulse control in much more healthy ways.

But feel sad and get done with it, move on, and don’t duplicate your mistakes, or the mistakes of other men. I’m grateful for the communication channels available now. I fell into the gap between the closure / infiltration of physical mens spaces and better developed mens spaces on the internet.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2022-07-20T02:29:39+00:00

I grieve over a year later not so much the loss of marriage but for the fact that my young son has to deal with a fractured world. I couldn't prevent that and it hurts.

Protomize · 2022-07-20T00:08:46+00:00

Mannnnnn, fuck bitches and get money.

Ok. On a serious note, I agree.

Title	greive. take the time to greive
Author	SleepyTobi
Upvotes	20
Comments	19
Date	July 19, 2022 11:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/w36am5/greive_take_the_time_to_greive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/greive-take-the-time-to-greive.1209324 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209324

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