Help!

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-07-17T20:00:31+00:00

Protect physical evidence & docs

• Back up camera footage in the Cloud
• Photograph + video every room so you have a time-stamped inventory of what’s still in the house.
• Gather the originals you still possess in a friend’s s home or a bank safe-deposit box
• Make a master list of documents she already removed

2. Lock down finances

Open a new checking account in your name only at a bank she doesn’t use. Move direct deposit for your paycheck there.
Order all 3 credit reports on yourself (Experian, Equifax, TransUnion) for free here and freeze your credit so no new loans can be opened in your name.
Change online-banking, brokerage, and tax-prep passwords; enable two-factor authentication everywhere.
If large joint balances exist, talk to your bank today about placing a 2-signature requirement or “dual-control” hold on withdrawals above a certain dollar figure until the divorce is filed and temporary orders are entered.
Stop using joint credit cards except for essentials you can document; photograph each receipt.

3. Protect yourself from false DV

• communication in writing ONLY (text or email). Respond factually, never emotionally, and avoid in-person confrontations withotu witness If you must meet in person, choose public places+ witness.• Maintain the cameras. They’re legal as long as they’re in common areas +she knows about them

4. File ASAP

Many U.S. states automatically freeze marital assets, prohibit document destruction, and restrain harassment once a divorce or legal-separation petition is filed. Ask for a quick phone retainer so the petition can be filed next week, not in 2. Until then, she is generally free to shift or spend assets.

5. Make the “lawyer package”

Bring bothpaper + USB stick with :

Timeline – marriage date, kids’ birthdates, major job changes, home purchases, recent incidents (with dates).
Financial snapshot – current balances of every account (attach statements), credit-card balances, retirement totals, mortgage payoff amount, vehicle values and loans.
Income information – your W-2s/1099s, her most recent paystub if you have one, last 3 years of tax returns.
Asset list – house, vehicles, pensions, IRAs/401(k)s, stock options, valuable personal property. Note anything she already removed.
Debt list – mortgages, car notes, student loans, personal loans, credit cards (joint and individual).
Proof of your caregiving role
Evidence of potential dissipation or concealment of assets – screenshots showing the missing credit-card autopay, the new account you discovered, and any large or unusual transfers.
Digital evidence – copies of camera clips, the voice memo, and photos of the empty file drawers/boxes in her truck.
NEXT BELOW IN COMMENT !!!

crayzeejew · 2025-07-17T19:09:59+00:00

Im a divorce mediator and divorce coach, and can give you a free session to go over how to get started with your divorce and how to protect yourself during your divorce.

ageoffri · 2025-07-17T18:30:03+00:00

Get a digital audio recorder (DAR) and have it running in your pocket at all times your STBX is near you. The point of the DAR isn't for court evidence, it's so that when and not if, you're falsely accused of domestic violence you pull it out and let the police listen to it. Getting arrested is one of the worst things that can happen.

fixingmedaybyday · 2025-07-17T18:25:24+00:00

Keep a journal and document everything. Setup a ring camera for home security. Do NOT get baited into an argument. Do NOT leave! Do NOT make any major financial decisions or actions. Lawyer up and gray-rock.

KneeDeepThought · 2025-07-17T18:08:28+00:00

Turn your car into a rolling safe or leave all your valuables in your brother's basement. Change all your passwords. She abandoned the marital property which will not work to her advantage- make sure you mention this to your attorney. Don't hesitate to lay down a paper trail for anything, especially if she deserves something like a restraining order.

Legally she still lives there, right? So, you can't prevent her entering her residence but make sure you're ready to record at all times so she can't fake a DV incident and get you kicked out of your house. Try not to be there at all with her after you get your baseball cards out. Home surveillance systems are cheap and will keep her honest about not wrecking the property or falsely claiming you did.

When the time comes for property transfer I recommend getting a police detail to supervise, you can call your local police's non-emergency line to arrange this and it keeps everyone nice and civil while the moveout is happening and you won't get robbed.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-07-17T18:07:09+00:00

She can't make you do shit. If you're not already separated, she can do whatever she wants with those papers and she can't come back to the house if she wants.

You need a lawyer asap

ImpermanentSelf · 2025-07-17T17:53:14+00:00

Find a lawyer you can talk to sooner

Boglehead101 · 2025-07-17T17:39:58+00:00

“Told You to put the house up for sale” I’d be ignoring that for starters. Get a lawyer, she seems to be ramping this up quickly.

Help!

Comments

Protect physical evidence & docs

2. Lock down finances

3. Protect yourself from false DV

4. File ASAP

5. Make the “lawyer package”

6. Ask your attorney about

7. Make the house less vulnerable while on shift

Title	Help!
Author	6StringFiend
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	July 17, 2025 5:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1m2dit3/help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/help.1557399 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557399