Help

RiskSure4509 · 2026-08-01T03:50:20+00:00

How do you deal with constant allegations against you,untruthful ones?Why?

bizbunch · 2026-07-31T18:13:17+00:00

Once you're 100% it will be because something truly terrible and irredeemable happened. End it before you both hate each the rest of your lives so your kids can have healthy coparents. You already don't have a real relationship.

What are you modelling for your oldest?

curtdogg47 · 2026-07-31T16:55:51+00:00

If you want to try to save the marriage, then you need to have a pretty clear picture of what that looks like for you! The dumbest thing people do that try and save a marriage is they don’t ever do anything different! Maybe for a short period of time everything is done differently but it always returns to the baseline of the original relationship! Made that mistake twice before divorce!

I would say the reality is you can never save a marriage or a relationship! Because what was working and how things used to be stopped working for any number of reasons.

What you can do and all you can do is to see if the same person wants to create a new relationship! Meaning you have to get to know who each person is now. The challenging part of that is you both have hurt each other, so you have to heal from that together and that can be almost too much for most people.

Divorce will be hard, staying together also hard, there is no easy way here.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-07-31T16:44:41+00:00

I wasn't 100 at first. I was 95% but not 100. I had been with her for 20 years. Each time she cheated, I told myself, this may be better since she got it out of her system. It never was. Even when I filed, that kept coming up as well as looking at all the years and memories I'm throwing away... Is it worth it? Should I just stay?

It's been 11 months. Divorced since April. It absolutely does get better. Started talking to this woman and we both hit it off very well. Excited to talk to each other all the time. Even having dinner together tonight. If my ex had told me all the things she had said to me in a few days, I probably would have been married still. I feel absolutely wanted by someone for the first time in probably a decade.

eastlibertypj · 2026-07-31T15:43:05+00:00

Your wife needs her own therapist. If your eldest child is coming to you breaking down crying, you need to be divorcing so that you can establish at least one home with emotional safety. I am doing this now. My wife does not sound as acutely troubled as yours but I have had to intervene when she behaves emotionally immature and loses it with our kid.

You need to shift your approach in those situations to mediating while supporting your CHILD, not her.

The sad thing is that a relationship devolves to the emotional capacity of the least capable participant, and your wife has almost no capacity to see anyone outside of the prism of her own insecurities.

Check out Maika Steinborn's video on caretaker relationships. You are trapped in one where you do all the caretaking and they uphold zero standards of healthy behavior.

Good luck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aMj4J3dy14

Any-Neat5158 · 2026-07-31T15:26:02+00:00

I'd be willing to bet meeting with the lawyer is what has her flipped. She likely heard that it's not going to go the way she wants it to go.

Dangerous-Yam2894 · 2026-07-31T15:16:56+00:00

No sex for three years? Why does she even care if you cheat. She obviously doesn’t like you as a person but either likes controlling you or needs you in some other way. You need to figure out what you want and enjoy life. Sorry but I’m not sure what’s worth holding onto with this person.

ProofConnect6521 · 2026-07-31T14:54:11+00:00

Every woman has something she is dealing with. But this particular one is your wife and those are your kids. YOURS.

What you do is exhaust every option twice before making a decision to lose that. At stakes is another man competing with you for the love of your children. Or worse a series of men and them potentially being abused. Under your roof they are as safe as can be. So you exhaust every option TWICE. She wants you to lead and that is where ai think you could do better. Lead your family.

She has some heavy lifting to do to save your family and you have to carry what she can’t. But only as long as she is putting in the effort. I have been around men all of my life and when a man finds his purpose he is a titan and you have not realized what your purpose is.

No matter which way it goes you are only accountable to the man that looks back at you in the mirror.

Get into counseling, demand she get into therapy, and you do what’s needed to do better. It may fail anyways and that’s ok if you tried everything twice because that’s a man whose branches spread wide and roots dig deep.

bdkgb · 2026-07-31T14:46:34+00:00

Get yourself a lawyer now and get it going man. She's probably scared for financial reasons. My wife wanted to bird nest with the kids for four focking years so we could grow out finances. I wasn't about to keep contributing to my 401 and bank accounts for four more years for her to get half of it. I filed and it'll suck for a bit but the kids and I will be better off long run. Honestly wished I'd of done this a long time ago.

mistake-number2 · 2026-07-31T14:45:14+00:00

Talk to your therapist. See ifshe would mind you bringin your wife. Sounds like she could use it a good bit. But it can also show her that your willing to be open about your sessions.

No_Code6755 · 2026-07-31T14:38:14+00:00

Sorry to hear you are in such situation. I don’t think you’ll be 100% sure before making the decision given there was no cheating etc. What I can recommend is to try to be mutually sure you have tried all options to fix things. Everything should be put on the table, which is really scary, but I think necessary. This will help on the long run to digest what seem to be very possible now. Hang in there.

Title	Help
Author	SoggyGur5918
Upvotes	2
Comments	13
Date	July 31, 2026 2:18 PM UTC (1 day ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1vbsa92/help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/help.1628623 https://theredarchive.com/post/1628623

Comments