How do you deal?

TheGreatSageAndOnion · 2025-03-05T16:56:06+00:00

I have no friends nor family around. I am planning to play sports more often and work out when I stop snacking.

Particular_Act7478 · 2025-03-05T03:36:38+00:00

Now is a great “season” to get to know yourself and heal. Reflect, how did you find yourself with someone who was incompatible? Be really honest with yourself. Do not gaslight yourself. Examine other aspects of your life and really come to understand yourself and what really really really drives you. Then overtime you will regain trust in yourself and decision making. Read a variety of books.. not listen .. but read and engage with the books you read by writing in them, journal your reactions to certain ideas that resonate with you or trigger you … give yourself time to know yourself irrespective of what others think of you, then you will better understand your own needs and wants. Practice enforcing boundaries that respect your needs and wants. See how people react to your authentic self. You will attract other authentic people over time. All the other suggestions on this post are also awesome. You’re wounded. You’re going to heal. Life is precious so use your time wisely. Mentally healthy people can detect other mentally healthy people. They properly detect gaslighting. They value themselves and time. They are highly selective about who they allow in their lives. They are not overly social because they know there mentally ill people who wear masks upon masks. And as you heal and trust yourself and intuition… life gets better. But you must understand yourself and heal first. And read up on women and their behaviors. How they tend to seek a rescuer… not good. How some tend to refuse personal accountability… not good. How some use sex or sexuality to trap and eventually destroy men… and know what you ideally want in a partner if you decide to date. Wish you the best!

regertsrus · 2025-03-04T21:13:30+00:00

I dont understand this "i wont be screwed over again so i am not dating". Its an irrational feeling. You dont have to fall in love. And if you do, you dont have to get married.

SireSweet · 2025-03-04T17:42:58+00:00

I’m generally okay being alone. I’d adopt a dog as a companion if I was really down about it though.

How I deal with it: Gym, alcohol and keeping my mind busy. I’ve turned my introvert self into outgoing person. Talk to anyone about anything.

I’m not going back into the dating pool. Fuck. That. I’m not ready to be fucked over twice.

IronOxid3 · 2025-03-04T16:27:57+00:00

This is awesome. Thank you all of you.

BlueHarvest17 · 2025-03-04T16:22:14+00:00

You have to start making friends. If you just depend on the next person you date to be your social circle, it's going to be hard. Start by saying hi at the gym to the other people you see there all the time. I'm now friendly with a few of the trainers that work at my gym just by saying hi to them and asking them if they're trainers. Now I walk into the gym and they all say hi to me and we chit chat.

Take a class in something. Maybe a cooking class. Maybe a rock climbing class. Whatever seems even somewhat appealing.

Volunteer somewhere. Usually volunteers are 1) nice people and 2) looking for connections just like you are. I like outdoor stuff so I volunteer at the local arboretum.

Consider a pet. I'm probably going to get a dog, even though it'll be a ton of work. But having a four-legged buddy is really appealing.

Join a divorce group, either online or in person. It's nice to talk to other people going through what you're going though. I've become friends with a few other people this way.

The good and bad part of this is: Yes, you have to start on your own, but that also means you're in control.

And finally, get outside your comfort zone. That's the best way to grow and thrive.

Slowloris81 · 2025-03-04T16:09:11+00:00

Also lean on this community in the meanwhile. I found a lot of comfort here and we’re here for you.

20Wildtrak22 · 2025-03-04T16:08:33+00:00

Going through the same shit here. She adds to the confusion by acting like we are best friends. Sometimes she wants a hug or tries to kiss me and wants to cuddle. Other days she's Satan's asshole after a jar of jalapeño peppers. Sad days become farther apart the anger fades with the sadness. For me the anger was just being me angry at her for making a grown man cry and beg. We will all get through this! Stay strong.

Slowloris81 · 2025-03-04T16:08:09+00:00

Push yourself. I didn’t have a network but I made the effort to create one. Reconnect with old friends. Try in particular to find a guy who’s divorced or going through it. Ask your contacts if they know someone. I did and made a couple great brothers in arms. I found that nobody can really relate unless they’re going through it and people will be more receptive than you think.

Historical_Eye3756 · 2025-03-04T16:04:58+00:00

I was here…. Now I’m like screw it… I’d rather be the eff alone

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-03-04T15:36:02+00:00

You already answered your own question. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you need some good guy friends. Dudes that will call you out on your crap but also be there to help you no questions asked. You absolutely need this before getting into another relationship.

Make that a priority and put yourself out there. The gym is great, but it’s a very solo experience most of the time. One of the easiest ways for guys to make friends is working out, playing sports or suffering together. Join a CrossFit box, an MMA gym, or sports league.

SantitasAvenger · 2025-03-04T15:35:25+00:00

Are you me??? I've felt this same problem. It may not be the healthiest but I've reached out to many old friends and family that I've not hung out with in a long time. I've had some good text conversations and managed to connect to several folks. I've not really met many new people but I'd like to start getting out there.

Title	How do you deal?
Author	IronOxid3
Upvotes	10
Comments	22
Date	March 4, 2025 3:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1j3d52i/how_do_you_deal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-deal.1545583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545583

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