How does one get divorced and minimize impact to kids?

Dull-Roof-9088 · 2024-12-13T23:29:28+00:00

See /BipolarSOs as well. I'm sure your thinking 50/50 custody means leaving a 1 year old with a mentally ill person, and that's a no-go for many. I'm also sure that staying just for that reason is going to make you crazy, and very unhappy. I think you need to document all the behaviors you've observed that would make it unsafe for your daughter to be unsupervised with her. Get a home security camera (no bedrooms) to protect yourself. Gather as much medical records and notes you can. Hopefully this will shift more custody to you. You may also request a court ordered mental evaluation of her as part of the custody fight.

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2024-12-13T20:31:07+00:00

If it is a toxic relationship and the kids are exposed to it, it doesn't matter how you get divorced, the cumulative impact of staying married will be far worse.

In the meantime, don't engage and if things do get heated for whatever reason. Disengage and/or leave the room or the house until things have deescalated.

techrmd3 · 2024-12-13T18:44:30+00:00

one does not "minimize" the impact to kids

one does not "simply" walk into mordor

yes2matt · 2024-12-13T13:08:00+00:00

Source: father of five, all school aged.

There is no way to not impact the child. This does not exist. There are ways to reduce trauma and conflict within the child's home life and primary relationships.

A one-year-old will not remember her parents ever together. Always her mom and her dad distinct lives, goi g back and forth to two homes. You can make that life smooth for her.

reduce/eliminate/manage conflict with mom. Never a negative word about mom from you or any on your side of the rift.

clear expectations about life with you. She will try and pull the "mom vs dad" bullshit as a lever to get what she wants. Nope that right out. Things are mom's way at mom's, dad's way at dad's. Kids are capable of navigating this as long as it's clear and steady.

taking care of yourself. The child will never see whatever sacrifices or concessions you make to her mom, she will never value them, she will never love you more or less because you gave so much for her. So do not make sacrifices or concessions to mom unnecessarily, there is no benefit to you or the child.

SireSweet · 2024-12-13T12:39:33+00:00

What the hell is a “cluster b” person?

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-12-13T08:12:15+00:00

Before asking about her , bear in mind You are on the hardest mode of potential conflicted divorce: With her mental issues, you are at risk of severe bogus accusation during the divorce (aka Silver Bullet Divorce read about it) : ie domestic violence & sexual abuse on your daughter to win the divorce & custody.

If you never been in court, dont ever think she needs any proof. Just random accusations will be enough to push you out of the house. How would you know if you are high risk, find below Questions to reflect On:

Behavior Patterns:
- Any unfounded accusations about you or ex to family, friends, or authorities?
- Any manipulative tendencies, such as exaggerating or fabricating stuff ?
- Any threats or implied ones she could make things difficult if you dont listen to her?
- Has she been documenting or recording interactions without your knowledge (check the recorder phone app?
- verbal or physical abuse during arguments ?
Relationship with Your Daughter:
- Does your daughter seem afraid of you or suddenly act distant ?
- Any sign of her parroting her mother?
- Is your ex painting you as bad dad with her?
- Has she restricted your access to daughter or limited your time alone with them?
Her Network :
- Does she have support from family or friends who would back her unconditionally, even if she lies ?
- Does he have any "battered women" friend or satanic attorney who would encourage such tactics
Threats:
1. Remarks like, “I’ll make sure you never see her again,” or “I’ll make you pay for leaving.”, "You’ll "Just wait—you have no idea what’s coming". threats of involving child protective services or police/court.

Snowbirdy · 2024-12-13T07:06:45+00:00

This book was recommended by my marriage counselor. Very helpful.

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder https://a.co/d/9rcbjFl

My advice as someone who divorced a BPD+narc woman: do it soon. You are otherwise showing your kid a toxic model of relationships.

Just get divorced. “Staying together for the kids” isn’t just a fantasy, it’s actively harmful to them.

At 1 years old, divorced parents will become the “new normal”. It’s much more harmful when they’re older.

And go for 50/50 custody. Probably best you can do

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-12-13T05:42:18+00:00

I’m with a possible BPD. It’s hell on earth. I’m just ripping the band aide off and assuring my daughter she is loved. My stbx was never diagnosed but it’s abundantly clear to her few friends and family that she is bat shit crazy at times. I have no advice as these types of people are the hardest to divorce, especially if you are leaving them (that’s my case). Hopefully you’re in a state where 50/50 custody is presumptive.

Title	How does one get divorced and minimize impact to kids?
Author	st0nksBuyTheDip
Upvotes	4
Comments	13
Date	December 13, 2024 5:37 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hd5iqd/how_does_one_get_divorced_and_minimize_impact_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-does-one-get-divorced-and-minimize-impact-to.1538357 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538357

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