How much will she get?

SilverDesperado · 2023-06-12T04:23:01+00:00

You make less than I do and I have no kids, I understand making bad choices but wow you fucked up. Maybe you need help developing emotional intelligence to fix the marriage or prevent this from happening in the future just a thought

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-01-31T23:23:14+00:00

She'll get about 50k in assets if you've got 100k. Half the house, half of whatever your retirement accounts gained since getting married.

There's a calculator for child support right here. You'll give exactly that, no more, no less.

Spousal support is totally discretionary in AZ. (I know, that's where I got divorced). You can put your heads together and come up with an amount, or you can both submit your financial information and butt heads about what's necessary and what's total BS that can be done without, whether or not she's actually capable of making more than $12k/yr (lol she'll at least be ruled at minimum wage which is $25k/yr, and likely more if she's got an education beyond high school; they could extrapolate that $12k per year to total full time assuming that's coming from, like, 12 hours a week, they'd extrapolate that to $40k/yr at full time).

My case isn't all that dissimilar from yours. 12 years married before separating. About $100k per year income and a $0 income wife, four kids, two houses (part of the income was coming from renting out the second house), etc. Ultimately settled everything by consent. My lawyer (a woman!) told me what I offered was too generous and got me to back down. Said she'd seen a similar case give $500/mo in spousal support and ~$300 in child support. I was more generous and offered "effectively" $1k/mo (reduced to $700/mo in exchange for taking on a debt attached to her house) and comparable child support, with that spousal support limited to only two years. I probably could have gotten away paying less if I didn't feel bad about "doing this to her."

Another thought.

I love her and I feel like I've worked so hard to try to gain her love but still after 10 years feel like she just despises me and always wants more

I don't mean to blame the victim here -- because you are indeed a victim of emotional abuse. That's not your fault. But you can start doing something about it without having to file for divorce first, and there's a shot at winning your wife's love (and no actual downside, because either way, you win.)

Don't blame yourself for this, because this is kind of the nature of many men and how many women exploit those men. The issue is that you've unconsciously trained her that being upset at you will always get her something more that she wanted from you. And you still have it stuck in your head that making her happy requires you to do something more. Both of those things are wrong and they need to stop.

You need to assert yourself and be kind to yourself. You need to stop riding the never-ending wheel of "making her happy," because 'making her happy' isn't really your job, and further you've probably not noticed it, but it's a fact that she's not responsible for making you happy, either. Step one is to take charge of your own happiness.

Step two is to set firm boundaries. Establish what you will and will not do for her, and stick to them. Establish what you will and will not allow from her to do to you (i.e. no hitting, no throwing insults, etc.) and what will happen if she does them (i.e. you will leave the home to go cool off and not engage in a toxic 'discussion' or whatever else you choose). You don't get to control how she spends her time or whatever reasonable budget you've given her (keyword: reasonable -- she doesn't get to spend more than half your discretionary income unless you both agree on whatever it is), but you do get to control what you put up with.

Start building your support network. Get friends. Get a hobby. Do interesting stuff. All that cool stuff that made you interesting before you got married? All that stuff that you don't do anymore now that you're married? Yeah. Be someone to look up to. And support your wife in the kind of stuff she does, too, so long as it's reasonable (i.e. not an MLM or other scam). Let her be an interesting person too.

One of two things will happen. Both of them are good.

One would be that it reignites her interest in you. If that's what you want, then good. You got what you wanted. The other possibility would be that she sulks about losing the whipping boy that was always simping for her and tries to make it more intolerable for you. That's also good, because it establishes that it was never 'you aren't good enough' for why she doesn't love you -- it was always her just trying to get a bigger boat on the gravy train. In the latter case, you win because you can feel good about dumping her ass.

playerknowmore · 2023-01-31T23:06:16+00:00

What are your ages and how long have you been married?

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-01-31T17:58:45+00:00

She'll probably get quite a bit for child support (depending on your custody arrangement), but she's still in for a MAJOR lifestyle change (you both are).

The court can only demand so much from you, so after child support, there probably won't be anything left for spousal support. But with four kids, man, that's going to be a struggle for both of you.

captainchippsixx · 2023-01-31T17:51:21+00:00

Holy shit $5500!
She is going to kill you with alimony and child support demands. To be honest you need to play a long term plan. See a lawyer when you can on the sly.

Common tactics she will do, than you need to prepare for (based on what you said about her) - Empty accounts - file against you to secure assets and lock you out - file false charges of abuse - run up the credit cards even higher - try to get you out of the house and lie to your kids about it. -drag out divorce to run up legal bills until you give in.

You need a plan to mitigate that. Easier said than done.

junkmailbox121 · 2023-01-31T17:44:40+00:00

It's probably going to be a lot but if you're not happy don't let that stop you from divorcing her. No matter how much you love her she won't return the same love towards you and only cares about herself. There is probably a calculator on the internet for your state's child support. Alimony is probably a big variable. She's probably going to say that she has been getting the 5500 a month and say that was status quo and request that much or more in alimony. Remember this is all a demand and they can't give her an amount greater than what you make. Unfortunately you may be left with very little.

Speak to an attorney to see what you can do before and after the divorce process to minimize your losses. Ask if you can take half of your assets now and secure them in your name only because once you start the divorce you can't take away her access and she may drain whatever she can. I'd also ask if you can remove her access to your earnings so she can't waste anymore money and give her a reasonable amount for clothes, food, and money to buy things for the kids. If you continue to live together during the divorce process you won't have to provide more for housing.

Think of other ways to offset the alimony like give up your half of the equity in the home for a one time alimony payment. Maybe assume her debt in lieu of alimony. Everything is negotiable.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-01-31T14:45:27+00:00

There probably nothing to be left of your salary. Make sure you secure your half of 100k, as she gonna become a big spender and loose the job in 5 mins

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2023-01-31T05:40:00+00:00

No one can give you estimates. With the details you provided, you need to start protecting your half of the "assets". Everything is going to be split 50/50 unless she starts war and gets you removed from your own house. Then you're paying for that 4600sq home while sleeping a couch. Seek an attorney asap. You need to file for separation/dissolution asap to hold the values at today and not 30k or more later when she drains you dry while your still "married" it's all marital property until you file. If you keep waiting, she will continue to drain you dry and these credit card bills will be 50/50. It already sounds like your handling this like a business deal and keep doing just that. If you're on a shared checking/savings account you need to split/take half of everything. Hold onto it. Have you filed yet?

Old_Ad8951 · 2023-01-31T05:35:33+00:00

Those calculations are estimated. Every case is different

Old_Ad8951 · 2023-01-31T05:33:43+00:00

For example in OH the calculator says you'd pay about $3k a month for 6yrs in alimony alone. I've no idea about CS. I feel for you. Don't make the same mistake twice

Old_Ad8951 · 2023-01-31T05:29:58+00:00

Google AZ alimony calculator & then Google AZ divorce laws. Hire an attorney yesterday. Read No More Mr Nice Guy. Good luck sir.

Title	How much will she get?
Author	Mjzzjm654456
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	January 31, 2023 5:03 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10pp9uy/how_much_will_she_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-much-will-she-get.1150603 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150603

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