I guess I don't get it?

Either_Evidence_1986 · 2023-08-23T17:55:08+00:00

This person sounds like a psychopath. Best course of action which seems like you're doing is to just ignore her. She is trying to provoke a response out of you. She wants you to lash out at her so she can say you're abusive. Find your zen. Be a good dad to your daughter like you are. Do not give this psychopath what she wants. Stay strong brother.

cschoonmaker · 2023-08-23T18:29:54+00:00

since you said the whole co-habitation things is "a whole different beast" I'll just say this once and do with it what you will. You need to get TF out of there and stop living with her. This crap is going to take its toll on your mental health.
Being comforted by your child is not a problem as you've described it. If you had said to your daughter "Your mother is being a bitch and yelling at me for no reason and I need a hug" that would be a problem. That would be you putting your child in the middle.
Exactly how was she "standing up for myself to you in front of her"? How is telling you to 'move over" multiple times standing up for herself? Am I missing something here?

azwildcat74 · 2023-08-23T18:36:58+00:00

I got the same shit when I cried when "we" told my then 6yo daughter that we were divorcing, was told that it's not right to cry in front of them blah blah blah. I agreed in the moment but after time realized how fucked up it was to say that. Why would it not be ok to show a kid that you are affected by something that is DAMN SURE going to/already is affecting them? You should instead act like they're the only ones going to feel shit? I say as men we should model the healthy expression of emotions for our kids, I think women don't like that because they aren't feeling those feelings as they blow up their family and don't want the kids to see that they are the cause of it.

That said, I think it's fine to ask for and get hugs when you need them but you do need to be strong for your kids too, don't get in the habit of them having to help make you feel better, it isn't fair to them in my opinion. If you're feeling something talk to them about what the feeling is and what's making you feel that way, it'll make them a lot more emotionally intelligent as they grow up, but also model being able to healthily get back on track with things as well.

iamnotyoutoday · 2023-08-23T20:38:03+00:00

totally ok to cry in front of kids. they will learn its okay to show their emotions and not bottle them up.

you are not fighting with your spouse, you are getting divorced.

stop co-habitating and tell the psycho to shut tfu and call the lawyer if she has anything to say to you.

ffs, the kid is starting preschool. its emotional on everyone.

TheBoyBand · 2023-08-23T18:38:41+00:00

So yea wow, where to start… first off sobbing in bed dude come on! … im not saying men shouldn’t cry or show emotion, I have, but like damn, find your balls.

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-23T21:35:15+00:00

Stand up for yourself man. No sobbing. Get your phone out and record her freak out.

silmarp · 2023-08-25T21:35:56+00:00

You need to perfect your 180 and grey rock methods.

Have a phone recording everything.

Ignore, ignore, ignore and ignore her reactions.

Never under any circumstance cry in front of your wife or daughter. Never under any circumstance let your wife see your cry. Because she will not let you down easy. She will think that you are weak and women, all of them are programmed to punish the men they see as weak. Be strong and non responsive. Don't stay in the house for too much time, if you can just dress yourself and go outside the house at night, even if you go to the cinema alone but don't stay with her all night long. Take a walk or whatever but be confident.

Sign up for the gym, if you don't have the money then sign up for a walk while you listen to an audiobook.

As for what audiobook. Listen to No Mor Mr Nice Guy. Other people might tell you other good books.

Also check up for podcasts that talk about narcissists because your wife might have some characteristics.

Don't engage on conversations with your wife. If you have a lawyer tell her every talk is through the lawyer. Learn how to disengage.

Title	I guess I don't get it?
Author	Ill_Atmosphere_414
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	August 23, 2023 5:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15z9vrx/i_guess_i_dont_get_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-guess-i-dont-get-it.1229511 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229511

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