I hate my life after divorce

NoFee4026 · 2023-12-09T21:39:56+00:00

I sat in the cafe today with my STBX and our 2yo. We were drinking coffee and having a decent time as a family. I am not sure what was said, she just went quite and distant. I asked her what was wrong, if i said something that upset her or if she wanted to leave. To which she got mad and told me to stop asking her questions and to give her some time. To which i got upset as I didn’t even what it is i had said wrong. Then it was just awkward silence.

I saw a couple next to me, the guy soo full of energy and was just excited to be out with his partner. It suddenly dawned upon me how i used to be like that years ago. I was a happy cheerful guy always laughing and making jokes. But i have been slowed turned into this person now who is always walking on eggshells and almost never really excited about anything in general when around her. I nearly cried remembering who i was.

The reason i mention this is, one, to vent, but also, after separation its easy to remember only the good parts and forget all the tiny things that make us miserable on a daily basis. Cuz obviously we don’t take selfies when that happens and there is no stored info about it. And we are men, we are not going to remember what they did on this particular day even 5 years later. Thats their job.

So, you might be miserable now, but the fact that you went through the hassle of ending a long relationship with someone means you were probably more miserable then. You atleast have a chance now to fix things without the constant needing to please anyone

cactuscharlie · 2023-12-09T20:51:42+00:00

I get the sentiment.

vector5633 · 2023-12-09T20:44:10+00:00

Well, do you want to elaborate? Maybe we can give you some advice and tips.

krazykanuck · 2023-12-09T21:14:52+00:00

What do you hate about it?

Capable-Profile4425 · 2023-12-09T20:55:58+00:00

This is temporary. It too shall pass. Get into therapy. This whole thing sucks, but you control your life now.

You got this, but a huge part of it is your mentality.

pooseypie · 2023-12-09T20:36:35+00:00

Chin up my guy. Victim mentality only works for women.

They all do this shit

You got this king.

sc1617 · 2023-12-09T22:24:35+00:00

Stop hanging out with her.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2023-12-09T22:30:38+00:00

It’s a complete rebuild but I approached it ( and always still doing it) with a glass half full mentality. Not what was lost but what could be gained.

Even during the dark period of separating when I was trying to rise above all the nonsense of my ex’s crazy claims, I reminded myself to live in the moment, especially with my kids.

They grow up so quick, I didn’t want to lose 1 or 2 years of time with them by not being present. I love my time with them. And now I like it even more, they grow and mature through the process and if the conversations are right (not ignoring issues, not venting etc) they become a source of support.

Meanwhile I’m having great sex (yes this does matter), about to start a new job and after Xmas doing foreign travel by myself. I focus on the upsides not the financials, my ex’s perspective of the world & not the happy Xmas family photo.

Good luck my friend, one daily step at a time.

SwordfishVegetable38 · 2023-12-09T21:06:37+00:00

If you're still doing the same stuff expecting different results it will suck.

Specific_Ferret4005 · 2023-12-09T22:21:42+00:00

Its been 3 years in this depression hell. The pills stopped working after a year or so. No new ones worked. I can barely work, have to do uber and barely making it, living in a weekly hotel. Paying daily again because the depression got bad again. I can't tell the difference when it comes, I just feel worse and work less and because my mind is so fcked up I don't notice it. I just want to lay in bed all the time where that never used to be me. Lay in bed for what, right? Im just so damn tired every second my eyes are open. Its just a fight the whole fckn time to do anything. I literally just want to sleep so much I almost don't care if I just sleep on the ground outside. So far, I've cared just enough to not be that pathetic.

I feel you man.

SuggestionSmooth1202 · 2023-12-09T22:40:01+00:00

Ohhh I know what the silence was about. That was her pause and questioning her choices and thinking this is kind of nice. Then u spoke. Lol

Alternative_Case_878 · 2023-12-09T21:23:18+00:00

An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?” She hangs up the phone.

The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they’re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.

Title	I hate my life after divorce
Author	Dramatic-Ad7192
Upvotes	32
Comments	14
Date	December 9, 2023 8:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18emfbl/i_hate_my_life_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-hate-my-life-after-divorce.1240190 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240190

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