Is It Worth It?

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-02-17T12:00:08+00:00

A few weeks post divorce I can pinpoint the exact time I was on the highway just cruising wherever the fk I wanted with no obligation to let anyone know why or what I was doing at the time and a HUGE feeling of euphoria washed over me. And that's when I knew she had actually done me a favor. The divorce was brutal. She butchered me in court as she was part of local law enforcement and knew everyone personally.

But goddamn. That feeling. The not giving a fuck anymore. It felt like picking up my dd214 again and leaving that shithole base and driving cross country back to the home area.

Stay out of the fire for awhile dude. Work on yourself and chick's will come in and out of your bed naturally. Maybe one day you'll run into a chick you really want to date again but give it awhile.

sludgepress · 2025-02-16T23:57:18+00:00

In my opinion, this is a situation that differs man-to-man. I was married for 20 years and then was divorced. I dated a couple women and I realized immediately that being on my own and having that unbelievably beautiful level of peace in my life where I could do whatever I want whenever I wanted with no input from some woman was so far superior in making me happy than any womans company ever had, that I realized I had no interest in ever being married again. I don’t say this to be insulting, but it sounds like you’re trying to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire again. If I may offer up a bit of advice, let your divorce sink in. Get over the pain…. quit trying to replace the pain with another person who’s going to cause you yet more pain. I never knew I could be so happy until I got divorced and let the relaxation take over. granted, divorce sucks. Child support sucks. Yes all of that is true and it takes a toll. But it does come to an end. I guess all I’m saying is to give yourself a chance to be happy. Just having some woman around to have sex with does not equate to happiness. Believe me.

AggieDan1996 · 2025-02-16T19:51:33+00:00

Why are you using dates like that in order to "get to know" someone? You should get to know them and then start dating.

The big expensive wining and dining dates should be the reward for making it past the "get to know you" stage. Even at that, I split costs with the women I dated.

Case in point, first woman was a relationship I stumbled into by accident. She wasn't local. So, she'd fly here and I'd pay all the costs here. When I flew there, she paid. The second woman became my current wife. The first date was centrally located between us as we lived an hour apart. When she drove up to see me, I paid. When I drove to see her, she paid. That latter changed into cooking me dinner when I drove to her.

I met both online. My wife through a dating app. But, I kept things online and on the phone for a while. With my wife, we each have kids and lives outside of dating. So, once things moved forward the first step was a can every other night.

And between the two, there were many women that I didn't move past the messaging and calling phase. One almost got to the date phase until I saw a pretty strong red flag. Her response to "let's be friends" only confirmed what I figured would be an issue in a long term relationship.

It's worth it, dude. Just be smart about dating so you don't waste your time and money.

regertsrus · 2025-02-16T19:51:24+00:00

I got together with a single mom who works her ass off. While i pay the bulk of the household expenses as she works a job making half my wages, she absolutely aids in our homes financial well being. If i were alone, sure i would have less on my shoulders potentially. But in the grand scheme of things, not only is my financial obligation reduced slightly but also my mood akd aspirations are greatly elevated. My new blended family has been great despite the roadblocks. Definitely dont get together with another "stay at home mom". These women are drains on everything and everyone around them and unlikely to change. Find a woman who clawed her way out of the welfare state. A go getter a hard worker. An amazing mom and partner. Trust me she will enrich your life.

ArizonaSpartan · 2025-02-16T18:48:56+00:00

You need to read Gatekeeper by Shawn Smith. It will help you filter out the ones worth wining and dining from the chaf.

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2025-02-16T18:27:41+00:00

First, don’t look at it as “all or nothing.” Just because you’ve had a few failures, doesn’t mean you’re better off being single “for the rest of your life.”

Second, wining and dining is unnecessary. I learned early in life the cost of the date meant nothing to whether it would lead somewhere.

I’ve taken more emotional hits from dating than financial hits.

My MO was to meet for a coffee or cocktail for a first date. If there’s chemistry, second date was me cooking dinner at my place.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-16T18:22:50+00:00

This happened to a few of my friends. They stopped taking the women out to dinner on the first date. They did start doing coffee dates which is cheap and gives you the opportunity to size them up. Better to waste $10 on coffee than $200 on dinner a drinks.

tyyyy110 · 2025-02-16T18:10:37+00:00

When I divorced, I dated and didn't take anything seriously. If things went great on dates and sex was involved, then great, if not then so be it! it mattered not much to me, bc I was just having fun, killing time anyways. There were some dates I went on and didn't have sex bc i knew the gal would be more trouble if i did the deed..lol.

You'll know who's the fun gal and who's the fr serious gal. Not ALL women are meant to be wife'd up mate! Once you change your outlook then you'll see things more clearer. Good luck to you.

Title	Is It Worth It?
Author	IndependenceCheap646
Upvotes	3
Comments	14
Date	February 16, 2025 5:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iqxx3g/is_it_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-worth-it.1544061 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544061

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