Just married in October - already considering divorce

highlysuspect21 · 2020-12-18T06:47:26+00:00

Been there done that. If its that bad already, better to cut your losses now. Yes people are gonna be upset, you may even lose some friends over it. But in the end, it's your life...don't spend it miserable because you are worried about what others are gonna think or say. Its your life, not theirs

quicksilvertd · 2020-12-18T06:53:56+00:00

You both need to go to individual counselling, and once you've made progress there, do marriage counselling. Divorce is a pretty permanent end to what may only be temporary problems. I say do IC before MC, because you both will need to be comfortable with therapy for MC to work, it can't if one of you flakes out because it brings up some uncomfortable feelings you aren't ready for. Also, not all marriage counsellors are good, make sure to shop around if you aren't that happy. It will be expensive, but not as expensive as a divorce will be.

Dupreecity45 · 2020-12-18T02:35:41+00:00

Do it now because the chances of it getting better aren't good. Believe me, the embarrassment of it ending so soon is better than being stuck in this while years of your life pass by plus financially this is the best it'll ever be to minimize damage.

orderofspies · 2020-12-18T00:16:04+00:00

Make a decision together asap. Go to counseling to try and improve the situation or get a divorce. It's much worse for everyone to just let it be.

NO_PRND · 2020-12-18T07:17:37+00:00

F*** that period don't sleep in the extra room she can if she wants to. Get a counselor / lawyer follow the papers separate your finances and move the f*** on period spent 20 years with one woman you're lucky.

michaelscott1978 · 2020-12-18T00:13:51+00:00

Why did you two get married in the first place? And what are the current problems?

HelixFish · 2020-12-18T02:23:45+00:00

This is fixable and may be worth it. The primary problem is her going off her meds AND not talking with you about it. If anyone is taking meds necessary for their health (which includes mental health!) they should always let their partner know the reason why or consult them. Always. This should be discussed. The reason why she did this should be discussed with her therapist.

PushinNShovin · 2020-12-18T14:19:39+00:00

Counseling won't help, follow your gut. Ask yourself if this seems right for you. If not, get out now and forget about what other people think. You will regret not leaving in in 5-7 years when you just can't take it anymore and by that time you have to give up half your assets that would have been obtained and possible alimony. Get out now, go your own way.

BrokeBeatScarred · 2020-12-18T02:08:00+00:00

How long have you been together?

Mindless-Self · 2020-12-18T12:13:30+00:00

Anyone older wouldn’t see it as a mistake, but as a good decision if you aren’t a fit.

Should you go to counseling? Yes, if you both want. Might help.

But is there anything wrong with divorce? No, not at all.

Mark_Ma_72 · 2020-12-18T19:52:06+00:00

You can have the marriage annulled (within six months). Just like never happens. Embarrassing - yes. But a fresh start! People do that in Las Vegas all the time.

iGalin · 2020-12-19T21:21:48+00:00

if the horse is dead, get off

SUEDE2BLACK · 2020-12-22T06:59:57+00:00

Dude your on the Titanic or the lusitania or the Hinder burgh or the Challenger or your a dinosaur 65 million years ago.End this shit now rewrite the time line and never do something as stupid as getting married again.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2020-12-25T07:24:36+00:00

Man, been there. The day after we got married we were talking divorce, and it went downhill from there. I filed 10 months after we got married.

Also, the first thing I was thinking when I read your post was mental illness. Maybe it's projection, of course, I admit. After we got married I couldn't figure out why my wife was so impossible to be around, argumentative, demanding, waking me up multiple times all night long( I had to sleep in another room), creating drama for me to have to leave work, etc etc. I went to a number of therapists(also marriage counseling, and couples groups) and finally an older guy told me hey, sounds like borderline personality disorder. That's when everything clicked. She couldn't help herself, sadly. r/BPDlovedones helped enormously.

My experience was nobody laughed at me, and my family and friends supported me. Getting out ASAP before 2 years (in CA) saved me a ton of money.

My therapist told me that misery has no place in marriage, and I sure was miserable, to a level I couldn't believe. I wished my car would break down on the way home so I wouldn't have to go. She just never stopped coming up with new ways to break me down. I truly think she loved me, and thought she was being loving. She couldn't help herself.

Good luck, man. I went to a bunch of different therapists hoping for a different answer, and 3 of the 5 recommended divorce(all Catholic, mind you). The last 2 said they'd take my money as long as I felt like trying, but this marriage was killing me, etc.

goodneighbor2 · 2020-12-30T03:56:31+00:00

Do it now. I got married 3 years ago and had a similar experience in the first few months. It was like she was pretending to be a different person that I actually liked, then as soon as we got married she turned into someone else. She had several simultaneous deaths in her family so I felt guilty about leaving and tried to make it work. It was like that for over 2 years, I tried everything I could and we are now separated. It felt like my life has been on hold the entire time and I’ve lost my sense of self. We’ve only been separated for a little over a month but I’m starting to feel like myself again, and she’s now acting like how she was before we got married in efforts to get back together(I’m hoping I don’t fall for it again). I wish I had just pulled the bandaid off in the beginning and actually got to enjoy the last 3 years of my life

Title	Just married in October - already considering divorce
Author	TastyTatoes
Upvotes	18
Comments	30
Date	December 18, 2020 12:12 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/kf9smc/just_married_in_october_already_considering/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-married-in-october-already-considering.817653 https://theredarchive.com/post/817653

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