Where do I start? I guess at the end. I’m a 17 year U.S. military veteran and my wife is a stay at home mom to our 4 year old son. We’ll have been married 11 years in February 2021. In October 2020, I finally decided after everyone telling me to have some self respect and take the steps necessary to get out of a bad situation so I could be the great dad I’m meant to be, to file for divorce. Divorce laws are utter shit and and the whole system needs to be dismantled and they need to start over from scratch. In the interest of preventing this from being 500 paragraphs, I’ll just jump straight to what the judge ruled for the temporary orders.

  • I have to pay her $3,000 as the combined amount for child support and spousal support. This started at the beginning of January even though she’s not moving out until the end of January. On top of this, the court order says that I’m still required to pay in full any and all household bills that she or our son benefit from (rent, utilities, internet, insurance, cell phones, etc).

  • I’m required to pay the moving costs to have her household goods shipped back to her hometown, where she’ll be moving.

  • Since she’s opting to fly, I’m required to pay the shipping cost for her vehicle as well as the cost to ship her cat.

(The sums total of all of theses expenses is approximately 178% of my monthly take home pay)

  • As for child support, the judge ruled that our son will live with her 365 day a year and if I want to have time with him, I’m required to fund my own travel to where they’re living and I’m allowed to “visit” him at her place of residence. I’m not allowed to have him for any overnights or weekends when I’m there visiting. I can pick him up after he’s had breakfast and take him out for the day but I have to have him returned before dinner each day. The one exception to this rule the judge made is that IF my ex-wife allows it, I may stay/lodge at her house so as to have some extra time with my son.

I’m a 17 year veteran with no criminal record and have spent my entire marriage working hard, often at the cost of my own health and happiness to make sure my family has everything they need. What happened is my wife realized she could do less and less and began to expect more and more. When I had the “audacity to betray her” by filing for divorce, she told me that she would be taking my son away and that she’d take every penny I had.

I have multiple videos of her violating court orders, yelling at or ignoring our son, admitting that she has no intention of using the support money for its intended purpose and proof that she has lied to the court multiple times and falsified official documents. There’s also the fact that he mom has simply just moved into military housing with us and is paying for everything for my wife (including her legal fees). I’m paying bills and support to someone who has no expenses. It all means nothing, especially when you ha e a judge who tells you that a terrible mom is always a better choice than an amazing dad because children need their moms.

I’m quickly on my way to being a homeless veteran all of the privilege of never seeing my son. Everything people told me “they can’t just take your child away.” “They have to take your ability to pay into account.” None of that was true or mattered.

I’m now working 60 hours a week at my military job plus having to take on extra work and side jobs at night and on the weekends, eating only 3 meals per week, forcing me to lose out on the previous little time I have left with my son, just so I can afford to pay what owe that way I don’t violate the court order and get arrested.

Hopefully all your situations are going better than mine.