Hey brothers, need someone to explain this to me.

Been officially divorced since Aug 2022 and estranged since Apr 2022. We tried to make friendship work for the kids… even vacationed together and did holidays together. Ex got a boyfriend in Aug 2023 and I haven’t dealt with it very well. I still love her even though logic screams run away. I’m working on that.

About a month ago I lost my mind and threatened to kill her boyfriend. In hindsight, she intentionally triggered me and I think she’s just using the boyfriend as a pawn on this chess board. Before I go on… it was wrong to threaten the boyfriend, I know this. As a result of my two day break psychotic break a few things have happened. First, Ex got a no trespass warning delivered to me by the police. She states she doesn’t feel safe though I’d never hurt her or the kids. Second, this might have been the event I needed to finally let go. I realized that this woman doesn’t care about me despite claiming she does “as the father of her children”.

Since then I’ve been doing my best to grey rock her. Rarely answer the phone when she calls, take lots of time before responding to her texts. I’ve told her she’s essentially a stranger I coparent with and added that she’s no longer worth my energy. I’ve told her she’s ‘free’ to do whatever she wants with her life… I’m done. To that end, I’ve asked her to leave me alone.

Remember now, she has stated she’s afraid of me. Since this all went down she’s been in my house twice (for kid related stuff) and even brought me a pizza on day. She still texts and calls far too much and has expressed anger at me putting distance between us. Finally today, she texted me and asked if I need anything from the grocery store.

I’m maintaining my distance but I’m in pain and frequently dream about her. I know it’ll get better with time. I just don’t understand why she won’t either reconcile with me or go away.

Help me understand this guys.