Need strength

captainchippsixx · 2023-01-14T22:24:28+00:00

Wtf man? Stop being the “let’s work it out.” Be fuck it your a cheater we are done. If you want to work it out later after divorce that’s fine. But let her know this ain’t flying and she should move out. She has no respect for you when you say let’s work it out and she is seeing another guy! That’s just a freaking fact.

In your head you ca have some hope down the road. For now it’s all business and the kids. Maybe you should see a counselor.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-01-14T23:09:22+00:00

Honestly man it sounds like you need to take some time for yourself and figure out your true value. If a woman sees you as just an option then remove that option. You’re better than that. You two have been married there shouldn’t even be a look at options on the table and yet that’s exactly what she’s doing. A lot of women these days think that marriages should be happy all the time. The truth is they go through rough patches that could even last for years but in order to get through them it requires effort from both parties. Women aren’t being told this anymore instead they’re being told they should always do what makes them happy and it’s their husbands responsibility to facilitate that. If you’re the only one willing to put any effort in (and that seems to be the case) that’s unlikely to change because she simply has never learned how relationships work in the real world. I’d say just get out and move on. It’s not easy but in the end it’ll be a lot of stress off of your shoulders.

Beamformer · 2023-01-14T22:52:28+00:00

I stayed in that mindset (work it out/ never fail/ never give up) for years, it was nothing but a waste of time.

SaulBrewster · 2023-01-15T04:21:28+00:00

Nearly my exact same story man. I understand the pain. It’s brutal. Unfortunately, this light switch divorce is quite common, almost always entails infidelity, and rarely works out well. Stay strong. Don’t beat yourself up. This is on her

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2023-01-14T23:44:02+00:00

The strength you're seeking will come with introspection and time. Your mind and thoughts will be in the middle of the tornado at this time. Take a long pause before anything you do and focus on YOU. Nobody else has to deal with what you're feeling except You. Strive for a peaceful attitude and do whatever mental gymnastics it takes to speak to your ego and not act on it. Respect yourself first and foremost because she doesn't. I was in your shoes 2 years ago. Infidelity, a dissociated wife, codependency on my need for her validation. After the trust was gone, I was out mentally, physically still wanted to make it all work no matter the cost. It cost me my self-worth. I tried for a year to hold it all together but i couldn't look at her the same. I didn't treat her the same. She tried to leave a few times and I opened the door kindly for her. I'm a year separated almost to the day and it's a blessing. Let her go. Take the time to heal. Focus on YOU, your kids and the divorce battle because it's about to be a long haul. Drop the option of reconciliation in your own head. She doesn't know what she wants, let her figure it out on her own. Don't be a door mat

WartimeDad · 2023-01-15T03:30:28+00:00

You are going to have a hard year or two ahead, but after that, it will be glorious.

I remember thinking “there’s no getting through this. Why do people say to just get through it?”

But, somehow I got through it. I hit the gym. I made NEW friends. I met NEW women, some who are amazing and way better to me than my ex ever was. My kid and I are more bonded than ever. I don’t think about that bitch at all except for when I come in here to give others advice and encouragement. And then I laugh about how I let her get to me so bad.

Hit the gym. Heavy weights. They send good chemicals to brain. Pick up new hobbies.

You’re literally in the midst of some hardcore trauma and hopefully the hardest days of your life. Be kind to yourself. Hang in there!

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-15T09:40:24+00:00

Stop giving her excuses for her post trauma. Fuck that I know it hurts because she is already talking to someone but move on dude she will not change and things will get worse for you

ThaHawksSucka · 2023-01-15T12:22:53+00:00

Man, if she's seeing someone else, you should really pull the plug... She's playing jailhouse games with you and it's not fair to you or the kids for that matter.

I'm willing to bet my last bottom dollar that if you really just fell back and let her do her, she'd change her tune real quik. At the end of the day, you don't want her to think that anything is permissible with you. She's not and probably doesn't have much respect for you at this point.

It's really, really hard to fight against your natural human emotions but, you have to let it fade to black if that's what's in the cards. It'll be out of the silence and absense of you that she'll really come into an epiphany like a Charles Bukowski poem. It also give you time to figure out if you want to really work on your marriage because your emotions at the present moment, are in the state of confusion. You just need some time to really sort things out in your head. But please, please, please, do not be her doormat. She's not going to respect you man.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-15T14:12:57+00:00

> A week after I was served, she started seeing a new guy

She's been seeing Mr. Wonderful long before she filed. Women do not divorce without having a Plan B.

> I'm still in the mindset of wanting to work things out

Stop. Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Negotiated desire only leads to obligated compliance, which results in resentment by both parties.

Nominal_Success · 2023-01-15T06:34:49+00:00

I wish you strength and peace of mind, but.....leave her if you can afford it. Be out of the house a lot if you can.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-01-15T11:02:26+00:00

Lucky you. You were told in ur face that “we are done” So, just take it and move

She doesn’t deserve you. If you even try, she probably gonna destroy your life We all been there. Run.. there is nothing to work on there. Cause, she never will.

Title	Need strength
Author	Blaqmagik1
Upvotes	7
Comments	14
Date	January 14, 2023 10:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10c23xi/need_strength/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-strength.1148310 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148310

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