One good night - ruined

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-03-18T07:51:04+00:00

So many of our stories are so similar and I have become convinced over the 2 years post divorce that she is having a midlife crisis. Personally, I kinda take a personal pleasure in how much my face seems to upset her lately. Over the last few months, she just gets irritated if she has to be near me while I pick up the kids.

Quite a different vibe to what she was during the divorce and immediately after. She would smile, flirt, or be super indifferent and cold. She would stop by to drop the kids or the kids’ stuff, friendly chat me up with neighbors or at a party. Now she basically hides from me. I think I remind her of a very bad choice. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me a sense of retribution. I know that’s bad. I should feel worse.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-03-17T12:34:00+00:00

They'll tell themselves anything to make themselves feel better. Been separated 19 months now, and my daughter (13 next month) is not ok, but my wife would rather ignore it than face reality, so she can 'find herself' yada yada yada.

I have absolutely no respect for this person anymore.

Hopeful_Divorce · 2026-03-17T12:05:07+00:00

This is so hard. Living together while separating sucks even under the best circumstances. Sounds like her timing to talk about things is really tone deaf and you felt bombarded when you were feeling vulnerable right after cuddling your child. You are both certainly anxious and worried about the future and that's not easy.

If one of you can't move out right now, can you ask her for designated times to discuss divorce stuff? Ask her to agree to once a week at a specific time you will talk about logistics of separation, filing for divorce etc.Treat it sort of like a staff status meeting at work. That can give you some space so you won't feel bombarded at times when you aren't up for taking about it. She can maybe relax about talking about it because she knows the conversations will happen at the designated time.

I know you are worried about your child and it's hard and awful. Your own parents divorce haunts you. I can tell you my that parents hated each other, fought like dogs my whole life and it was not a good environment for me to grow up in. I had an ill-advised marriage in my 20s for all the wrong reasons and having a terrible marriage as my model growing up was not helpful. It happened for a lot of reasons and I'm responsible for my choices but I often wished my parents would divorce. So while I know your heart is breaking for your child, don't assume the worst just because you are getting divorced.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-03-17T11:52:55+00:00

Mourning is correct. Grieve the loss of a partner, the loss of a marriage and the loss of a shared future. Then, move on. Tough stuff.

Il_Valentino · 2026-03-17T10:51:22+00:00

I'm already mourning a family I spent 18 years building. She seems to think my kid (almost 10 years old) will be ok. I went through divorce as a kid at 13 and I was never OK after that. I'm so scared for my son.

bold of you to assume she actually cares about kids and family. for her it's just another step to "self-fulfillment" probably, which, for whatever reason, usually means branching to the next partner

Delicious-Curious · 2026-03-17T04:22:38+00:00

Be careful working on things just between the two of you. You need to protect yourself and your future, which will happen via legally binding documents.

47omek · 2026-03-17T03:50:43+00:00

They're never "hostile" until they aren't getting everything they want in the divorce. Protect yourself, look up the "gray rock" method and put that into place in all interactions with your STBX going forward. Do not let her disturb your peace - you cannot control her but you CAN control your own reaction to her behavior. Be the best dad that you can be to your son during the time that you have with him and he will be fine.

duck_duck_mallard · 2026-03-17T03:13:16+00:00

One thing to consider - just the awareness you have around your own childhood experience is a good indicator yours won’t go through it the same way. I do feel your pain on the overall night though. They get so lonely and painful. We live in separate homes now , our kids are much younger though. It still feels surreal. The kids are great. I miss them when they are gone, but love them 2x when they are here.

Novel_Page_5510 · 2026-03-17T03:12:42+00:00

This was exactly my same thought process. I really stopped caring about my own mental wellbeing and was only concerned for my kids and how this would affect them. Stay strong brother, they will need a dad who is always there for them. It will get easier eventually.

Title	One good night - ruined
Author	BloodstainedBearRug
Upvotes	18
Comments	20
Date	March 17, 2026 2:39 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rvuk6x/one_good_night_ruined/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/one-good-night-ruined.1575694 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575694

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