Opinions please

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-10-06T09:05:17+00:00

I understand your pain, but remember she left you, and you owe her nothing! Yes, look after the kids. She has put herself in the position she's in, not you. If you're not on the lease, then it's her problem. Where does this end? The next time she needs this or that, no, my friend, it's a slippery slope. I know you are concerned about the kids, but on that front, I would seek advice from a knowledgeable lawyer and do what you need to do for the kids. It's your decision, as it was hers to be where she is now. Good luck, my friend. This is a hard one.

azwildcat74 · 2024-10-03T16:54:55+00:00

Her problems stopped being your problems right about the time she was guiding the other guy's cock into herself. Provide for your kids through letting them live with you, tell her to sleep in the bed she made for herself.

stupididiot78 · 2024-10-03T15:06:02+00:00

Let her affair partner pay her bills. The kids have a stable home with you.

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-10-02T19:52:07+00:00

you gotta set some clear lines with your ex, especially when it comes to money stuff.
No court order means you don't have to pay her rent, legally speaking. Just keep in mind, whatever you guys work out now is just temporary until you can get things sorted through the courts for real.

Using the kids as a weaponized leverage in financial discussions definitely croseds into emotional blackmail territory.

Her saying "it's a roof over their head" ? That's playing the kid card to manipulate you, no doubt. You're already taking care of the kids when they're with you and buying what they need. You've even offered to house them if she can't manage !!! So you're clearly putting the kids first.

It's a classic move: making you feel like a bad parent if you don't give in to financial demands. She is singing 'Give into me" from Michael Jackson all day long with you

But remember, you're not responsible for her choices but only for your kids Don't let her use them as bargaining chips to get you to cover her personal expenses. She needs to work!!!

And heads up - you pay her rent once? it will continue & 12 times for the next year as well. & she might use that to argue you should keep paying later on that same amount. If both open to it, maybe look into mediation to get a temporary deal until you can get the legal stuff rolling.

DudeforRighteousness · 2024-10-02T19:00:36+00:00

You’ve already decided to still pay it by everything you have said. She still has control over your mind. You don’t even know what the relationship dynamics really were and it shows. She is playing you like a fiddle and will continue to do so until you grow a pair. She isn’t worth your time. She made her bed by cheating and now needs to lie in it. It sucks, but you need to let her fail. The kids can come live with you.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-10-02T18:22:40+00:00

Well I recently as of last week moved to the city she was in to help with the kids because she had nobody. So I’ve been taking the kids week on week off and we worked this out civilly without the courts.

and

But she’s making me feel bad and obligated to pay it cause she is saying it’s a roof over their head.

All im seeing is YOU have a roof over their head. If SHE cannot afford her place, thats on HER. You cannot let emotion run the show here. And she is trying to tap into that so you do all the heavy lifting, financially.

Kids can be with you 100% of the time until she gets a job to pay for her place. At the very least DO not cover her rent because that will become the status quo and once you're filing she gets to tell the court you're coving it all.

jimsmythee · 2024-10-02T18:06:00+00:00

As long as your STBXW has you, or her mom, or her sister to pay her bills? What is the incentive to ever get a job? That's the deal. There is no incentive!

Don't feel bad. If the kids come to live you full time? That's good for the kids. Your STBXW needs to get a job.

Because if you pay it this month? Guess what? She'll have another reason why Next Month she needs you to pay it. The cycle repeats until you're paying for everything.

Title	Opinions please
Author	Puzzleheaded_Fun4421
Upvotes	7
Comments	10
Date	October 2, 2024 5:30 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fulxm6/opinions_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/opinions-please.1531871 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531871

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