Positive stories?

Gattsama · 2024-10-06T17:04:33+00:00

I have never been more peaceful and stress free. In my case no kids, I do owe a lot of spousal support for only for 3.5 years (and likely will pay off early Summer 2025).

Even though I owe a ton in spousal support, my discretionary income has actually increased. The eX didn't work for most of the marriage, and we lived a God lifestyle. I only pay for myself now, and I just spend a lot less.
I rent a 4bd 2.25ba single family home for myself and 1 cat ( I had 2, but one passed). It's gross overkill, but I wanted to have a short commute to work, and in this area, everything near work is either crappy to semi-crappy or very nice. I went very nice. The place is 100% mine! No extra pillows on the bed, no upgrades, no drama. My office is perfect, my workout room is perfect, and the garage is perfect. Not sharing space or always having to make sure things are the way she wanted them is amazingly less stressful.
I bought a small plane. This has been a dream of mine for nearly 20 years. In theo, I y could have done it during the marria, e but there was always some drama or BS. I take responsibility for my role in thati.e., e not saying no to her more). I've traveled all across the country. It has been a transformative experience for my mental health, emotional health, and seeing family.
investments. I make good money, but when marri, d it was always going out. We loved a good lifestyle but were not saving much. Now I'm and setting up passive income steams so I don't have to worry about work. And once the spousal support is paid off, I can really start putting money into it.
new girlfriend. Having someone who is genuinely attracted to you is amazing. Has been very healing. She's supportive, loves sex, and in way better shape that the eX. She's also not insane and has her own money, so I'm not supporting her. In fact, she's paid for me on two trips.

Overall, it's just the day to day is much better. There's no drama, walking on eggshells, or general feeling of dread. I used to come home from work and just hope she was asleep or gone, I didn't look forgot to much of anything except trips, and we always had drama with them too. Now I'm excited about the future. I still have stuff I'm working on (eg sleep and trust issues) but my lofe is so much more peaceful. We were never healthy, and she was unworkable.

Kiickin2121 · 2024-10-05T12:32:26+00:00

Man I needed some positivity as i go through this. Thanks for this guys.

lifeisallihave · 2024-10-05T05:38:06+00:00

Let's see, a bit long.

I'm looking to change jobs soon because the current one has become a routine.

Renovated my house after I bought her out to leave, the place looks as if she never lived there.

My son and daughter are the happiest, we share 50/50. She called to go over some school and tax stuff we needed to discuss, let's say she could hear the screaming of kids playing, my kids telling me to get off the phone, me telling them to stop jumping on me, there was a long silence on the other line, told her I needed to go so we could continue later

I get invited to parties all the time by friends and colleagues, sometimes I come home, sometimes I don't.

Met a few ladies who approach me mostly and i really have no interest in them, for now at least as I still go to therapy and don't want any noise in my life.

I'm healthy, eat what I want, while the kids and I discuss what we will eat when they come over, even though it's 50/50 I go to all their activities because I loved going before the divorce and they demand I show up and I love showing up while shouting my lungs out at their sports games. Both son and daughter are closer to me than ever and we are always in sync.

I still chat with my former in-laws and they still visit me.

My bank account is way better than when I was with her, the stocks I bought years ago that she scolded me for is now skyrocketing hehehe lol.

I'm calmer, happier and do whatever I want, but the calmness is something that gets to me, the calmness gives me so much peace and stability. It allows me to be creative, do things that I thought I will never find time for.

Guys, get all the help you need to sort yourselves out, divorce is tough but do not allow it to define who you are. We are men and will always face obstacles and this is why we are problem solvers. Get on with it and make the second chance a great one. Learn to be on your own, learn to cook, clean and do stuff on your own and maybe just maybe you will meet someone that could be a good fit to your new found freedom. Good luck and stay fucking healthy, without your health you have NOTHING.

Particular_Mix_4160 · 2024-10-05T02:11:59+00:00

Freedom!! Free at last!! I’ll keep it brief. Wife cheated, married her lover. Long time to get over it but when I got through it, life is so much better. Now it depends on the type of person you are. I have found that I am the most content and peaceful when I live alone. I’m part of a social organization doing something that I love. I go to parties when invited but I go home alone. And no I’m not lonely; but that’s just me.

When I was married, I hated going home. My wife never made me feel welcomed. Almost like ugh, he’s home. Now, I can’t wait until I get home. I don’t get dragged to parties or events that I don’t want to be at. So if I’m somewhere or with someone and I don’t like the situation, I go home.

After having it both ways; I prefer being single.

Feveronthe · 2024-10-05T01:29:10+00:00

Much happier with second wife and child with her. The kids in first marriage hard to leave, but ok now

beezo123 · 2024-10-05T01:19:52+00:00

Really uplifting stuff guys thanks.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-10-05T00:52:13+00:00

Mine is a bit long, but I'll give the cliff notes. My divorce was over 27 years ago, and my EX ended up running off with my best friend at the time and leaving me with my two young sons. But after she was dumped by my ex-best friend (which I knew would happen), she got my home (which was mine), but anyway, my investments and, worse, my sons, I ended up in a small caravan, IE (I'm disabled), that was for over two and a half years. I was in a bad depression and was thinking about ending my life more than a couple of times, but I just had To stick around for the boys, which I wasn't seeing because the EX always had an excuse for why they couldn't come and stay with me. Then, one day or night, I met this fantastic lady who was here on holiday (I'm not in the States). Anyway, she talked. I went in for lunch the next day, and we had a great time. I dropped her at the friend's place where she was staying, and then I got this phone call the next day. Long story short, she stayed with me over the month or so she was here; she came for the millennium, so we went to Sydney to see the New Year. So anyway, she had to go home as she was a doctor and needed to return to work. I knew it was just a holiday thing, but we got on so well, but it was what it was. Six months later, she showed up at my door; you could have knocked me over with a feather. Anyway, we were married five years later, as I had problems with my first marriage, depression, and anxiety (I think most of you would understand that) She was so good with me and my sons. They ended up calling her mom. She loved us so much, anyway; we were together for around seventeen years when I lost her to early-onset Alzheimer's (that was around seven years ago), which broke my heart, and my sons were so upset with her passing. But she taught me to love and have hope for the future. I miss her every day, but she told me to promise to look at every new day with love and hope. So you see, there is hope out there, and some fantastic women who won't want to cheat and want to have friends with benefits, so people have faith, and there is hope out there after the worst part of your life.

Past_Doubt_2035 · 2024-10-04T23:59:29+00:00

Dating has been fun (but frustrating too). There are some wonderful girls out there. And it's fun to explore how other people tackle life.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-10-04T23:51:56+00:00

All of what you mentioned.

Married for 22 years, two kids, I have son full time and daughter 5 days per week. Much better relationship with both of them.

The freedom! Definitely a perk. And financial freedom as I was supporting the ex....now the burden is gone.

Career is the same but I took up bodybuilding and will be competing for my pro card soon. Not sure if anything will come of it but who knows?

Dating life is excellent. My ex was my first so I never had a chance to learn how to date or understand women. It was scary at first but it has been fun and is on easy mode now.

Ironically I think I also have a much better relationship with my ex....much better communication. If we are ever single at the same time I may date her too if she wants casual.

l3landgaunt · 2024-10-04T21:56:54+00:00

Married 15 years, together 18. I’m still early in the process, but my relationship with my kids has never been better. Conversely their relationship with their mother has never been worse. She gets them 3 nights (2 full days) a week and the kids tell me she just stays in her room all weekend and their grandmother does the caretaking. The two of them also openly trash me to each other and the kids hear it and don’t like it. I make sure our time together is positive and I’m introducing the kids to “the real me” who they really seem to like. They’re young (9 and 5) but we spend evenings listening to music, hanging out and just chatting, watching bluey together, etc. It takes a lot out of me to keep up with the House work, work full time, and that kind of stuff, but chilling with my kids is a great way to reenergize.

SufficientGate6944 · 2024-10-04T21:33:19+00:00

I was married for 4 years and we have 2 children. We have been divorced 2 years now. I was the sole provider and she was a stay at home mom. I traveled the country truck driving/pipelineconstrucktion for work and would be gone for weeks and sometimes months at a time. My bestfriend of 20 years was “mowing my yard” for me if you catch my drift. We ended up having to go to court because she wanted everything from the house to the car and all assets with 2500$ a month alimony and another grand for child support while I only got the kids every other weekend(if I happened to be in town). I managed to get my dream job from the DOD before my court date( it took 8 years to get that job). I ended up winning primary parent with final decision in all aspects of raising the kids. We do 50/50 but I have them everyday except every other Saturday. She received a few assets worth around 10k and I managed to keep the rest. She married ol’boy and 7 months later they have separated due to him cheating. Karma is a bitch! I’m just spending everyday that I can trying to make healthy memories with my kids since I missed so much of it the first 4 years.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-10-04T18:30:56+00:00

I see my kids almost everyday and live in Bangkok.

LopsidedAd9781 · 2024-10-04T17:50:19+00:00

Married 8 years. Together 10. 3 children. We unfortunately lost our middle daughter in infancy. Kids are now 8 and 5. Caught her having an emotional affair. We had a big convo and decided divorce was the best option. She wanted me to have the house because she said I deserved it for working so hard to provide for us. And she gave me full custody of the kids while she goes to college for 2 years. Of course she can see them anytime she wants. And she is a wonderful mother. I don't want another woman and the thought of another relationship still feels wrong for me. But it's the best outcome I could have hoped for. And once she is stable with her own place, we will go 50/50 custody. She never wanted any help financially from me. She is more than capable of providing for herself. And of course I'm still her mechanic and whatever she needs help with. She tells me I'm a great man and amazing father. Great husband. But we just grew apart. She's my best friend and amazing co parent. It's not always a war guys. I wish yall the best.

falcon0221 · 2024-10-04T17:44:22+00:00

I lost 30 pounds and kept it off 7 inches off my waist. I’m wearing a smaller size now than I did in high school. I’ve quit smoking weed. I stopped drinking sodas. I joined a social night cycling group that is fun. Mentally I don’t want to kill myself anymore. But I still struggle every day. I’m not happy. I know I didn’t deserve the discard but I do deserve to take care of myself. I did kneeboarding for the first time. I was terrified but I did it. At some point I want to skydive. Always been afraid of heights. I started writing poetry. My dad and I both got in better shape. He is now 175lbs, at one point in my life he was 270. I’m proud of him and what we’ve done together. I’m not ok but I’m trying to be.

Beamformer · 2024-10-04T17:31:09+00:00

Yesterday I bought my girlfriend a gift, it cost 7 dollars, she was sooo happy about it. In general, She is happy to see me, cares what I think, and is constantly wanting me. I ve had the vasectomy and she is happy with never getting married again. We get 3 or 4 nights together every week and the rest of the time to ourselves. It's been pretty incredible for a year and a half.

I'm wrapping up college with the kid now. He is doing great, and by his choice, no-contact with his borderline mom for most of the last 7 years. It's Karma she earned through years of abuse.

salty-sheep-bah · 2024-10-04T17:28:33+00:00

My kids were about 7 and 10 when my divorce was finalized. We did a lot of activities and took a lot of vacationed while we were married. It was like my ex wife just always had to be planning something to look forward to. I think she felt these things would solve whatever struggles she was dealing with. The chronic feelings of loneliness she had for example. Which I never fully understood despite trying my best to see her perspective.

These trips, outing, vacations were always her doing. Not once did I ever pick the destination and it was only a handful of times that we did something I wanted while on vacation. Everything I suggested was "stupid" or "the kids won't like that" or <insert other excuse>.

After years of that I did what I think anyone would do, I just stopped engaging in the planning. I was like an NPC who follows along the main character and carries shit or fends off the imps and wolves. I had no place in the story aside from doing anything possible to make sure the trip went without issue and to get ahead of any unexpected issues that may damper her mood and thus "ruin the trip". It was exhausting, it was never a good trip, and I ended up getting to a point that I hated going anywhere.

After we divorced I was left with this sudden autonomy I hadn't had in so long. I started planning things, I involved the kids in planning things, we started to choose our own adventure basically. And I quickly learned that I was not agoraphobic or burdened some debilitating social anxiety that I thought was preventing me from enjoying these things. I started having a good time, with the kids, out in the world.

I found that the kids and I had more fun feeding the turtles at the pond or walking around the lame little town farmers market than we did in those $4000 a week oceanfront beach houses.

We go and see the circus, movies, we check out trails, we attend the towns events. All with this very obvious absence of tension or pressure that was always present before. I'm no longer dad scowling in the corner somewhere just waiting for everything to go to shit. I'm not playing NPC and am actually involved. It's really a night and day difference.

celticmoose · 2024-10-04T16:30:40+00:00

I’m still in the thick of it but some things that have already happened:

Got into the best shape I’ve been in in years
Became more confident in myself and focused on creating a new life for myself and my kids
Changed my mindset from feeling like a failure to feeling like my STBX didn’t know/appreciate my value and worth
Went on a really nice date this week and have a second date planned for next week. It’s also nice not worrying how it turns out, just enjoying the moment

Things I’m looking forward to once she finally moves out:

Sleeping in on a Saturday with zero responsibilities to other people
Watching college football for 12 straight hours
Redecorating the house however the hell I want
Exploring new hobbies and spending more time on the ones I have
FREEDOM

Reflog1791 · 2024-10-04T16:28:04+00:00

Where to start. Self improvement mission took about 2 years. Now I’m happy my ex wife had an affair. I do whatever I want on my time and I’m father of the year when I have my kid. It’s awesome.

Make the best of it and come up with new dreams and goals that actually serve you.

I read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy and corrected my thinking. Placating ex wife got me in this boat, accepting my own flaws was not that hard. It’s my life and I steer the ship. Weather the storms and smell the roses during good times.

Nobody said life will be easy and sometimes it will be extremely hard. Overcoming divorce has given me self respect that is priceless. The lesson I learned is any challenge can be tackled. The harder something is to overcome the sweeter life is on the other side.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-04T16:25:01+00:00

I'm about two years out. I was absolutely miserable before I pulled the trigger. I'm so glad I did.

I work out every day, and have lost significant weight (>20 lbs). My health is much better.
Even before I lost weight, I was killing it on the apps. So many wonderful ladies and experiences!
This caused my confidence to skyrocket. I am a commanding presence with all ladies now, and flirt for fun (respectfully/playfully).
I have an incredibly hot girlfriend now, with a libido as high as mine. It's fantastic. I absolutely adore her, she's wonderful.
When I have my kid, I can devote all of my attention to them, and we have a blast together...
... and when I don't I'm having FUN!!!! on my own or with friends or my gal. (Mostly gal)
When I do drink (on occasion), it's for fun and pleasure, not to (ever) dull my senses or stress, as before..
I can be the kind of parent *I* want to be, and I don't have to worry about what my now-ex thinks. I treat my kid with respect and dignity and expect responsibility and maturity.
I can live for my own pleasure and my own benefit. I choose my happiness and my path that suits ME.
I am better at work (happier and more productive, except distractions like this!)
So many people have said that I look so much happier now. It shows. I don't hold it back.
I kept the house and redecorated it to my taste. Did projects I cared about.
I travel for pleasure much more than ever.

It's a HARD process. You go through a lot of shit, I know I did. But so, so worth it.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-10-04T16:22:56+00:00

I consider my story a success.

I spend lots of quality time with my son (on paper there is 50/50 custody, de facto STBX isn’t very interested and son lives with me most of the time). Son stopped wetting his bed right after mother left the home, stopped grinding his teeth a week later, he is calm happy child now. Also very successful in certain subjects. He was 7 when I divorced, 11 today.

I switched jobs to work from home and advance career in general, achieved all the mid-term dreams I had in that. Wrote and published a book. Built amazing home gym, built new body, 6-pack and shit. Recently my colleague saw my LinkedIn style photo from 5 years ago and couldn’t believe it is me - I changed a lot in terms of maturity and health. Live in a nice house (was in apartment when married).

Dating is mostly non-existent for me as a single dad. But one relationship that I had 2 years ago showed me what the best sex in my life may look like, that was night and day compared to the married life. First time I felt desired by a woman. Dating still isn’t very compatible with parenting TBH, I may or may not return to the “market” at a later point in life.

Aggravating-Pear-769 · 2024-10-04T15:58:45+00:00

Piggy backing on this as well. I know there will be positives for my life it just sucks being in the thick of it right now.

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-10-04T15:56:11+00:00

While hard..Mine made really realize my flaws...It made me really realize where I went wrong with stuff even outside of my marriage. So now I feel I have full control over my ADD, I have not drank in almost 90 days (Use to be a over do it drinker), take better care of myself (first time in over 10 years i'm at the weight I am at).

So lots of positive changes, it still is very hard. But it is changing things that I needed to change.

keencone · 2024-10-04T20:00:58+00:00

The non-stop planning and travel cycle was a strong theme in my situation as well and through the years it just ramped-up and she became really anxious and strange like she was trying to fill some empty space that kept growing

Title	Positive stories?
Author	Puzzleheaded_Fun4421
Upvotes	13
Comments	39
Date	October 4, 2024 3:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fw2dih/positive_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/positive-stories.1532050 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532050

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