Ex wife had an affair back in 2018. It came out that she went to her boyfriend on both Xmas Eve and Xmas while completely fooling me. She was out getting dicked down while I was building our 18 month year olds play kitchen with my ex FIL on Xmas eve.

It was very humiliating and horrific to deal with that betrayal. Counseling, push-ups, and golf helped.

I hosted Christmas for my siblings and parents this year. It was amazing. My mom didn’t have to cook for the first time in decades and everybody had a great time. My mom was glowing and beaming and belly laughing all day. They understood we may or may not see my daughter but we will make the best of it.

Here is an interesting insight: my girlfriend is telling me about the Xmas baby daddy drama from her coworkers. All the cringe worthy stuff I used to do back in the day; fighting, name calling, making a scene, generally just losing marbles about nonsense.

I realized I let all that shit go and I’m very proud of myself. This year was my ex’s year to get Christmas Day. I made a decision sometime in the past 3 years that I am going to enjoy Christmas with my loved ones no matter what. I’m not going to think about her affair, her new boyfriend, or anything negative.

I said, “my folks are coming down, it would be great to do a present exchange at your convenience.” If she didn’t reply I wouldn’t have cared because we were having fun anyway. But she did reply and her parents dropped my kid off. When I see them now about twice a year I just smile and say “Merry Christmas” or whatever.

It is so easy and I don’t get triggered at all. When shit was hitting the fan, they did all the standard support the daughter shit that really pissed me off. I took it personally then but don’t anymore.

I guess the point is even if you’ve had some nutcase moments in the early days, just let it go and do better next time. Turning point for me was deep in my soul acknowledging that life goes on and I am going to be happy no matter what these people do. I was pleasantly surprised to learn everyone is perfectly content to let bygones be bygones and just have a merry Christmas and don’t make any drama.

Silver lining: I love spending Christmas with my family and getting along and laughing. I hated doing these crazy dual holidays all over the state to placate her family. All my christmases since separation and divorce have been lovely and I am going to keep it that way whether my kid can be there at the traditional time or we have to move it by a day or two.