Private Investigator?

Noodletrousers · 2023-05-28T11:21:01+00:00

Are you in a no-fault state? It may not matter if you’ve already left the house (for whatever reason).

PI’s aren’t too expensive and if you have the money, it’s probably worth it. Documenting is definitely good too, but it carries less weight than a report from a PI.

I was able to hire one for $500 and needed a bit more of his time and effort, so ended up spending another $500, but got all of the info I needed.

If it’s already ugly then chances are it’s not going to ease up anytime soon. The more information you have at the beginning will be of great benefit down the line.

Also, if the accusations start flying your way, make sure to contest every single one (if it’s being used in custody, a DV allegation, etc.). Not fighting for your reputation early can cost you dearly later.

SuggestionSmooth1202 · 2023-05-28T16:21:28+00:00

Why don’t you try to go 50/50 and let her explain why you can’t have it.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2023-05-28T11:25:28+00:00

Alright. Yeah I’m not worried about the no fault stuff but she is really neglecting them and lying about seeing this guy. It would 1) hurt credibility 2) show neglect. Thanks man!

NBDad · 2023-05-29T02:48:20+00:00

She can leave them with whoever she wants on her time. If you believe it's a safety issue, there are organizations and agencies whose responsibility it falls under. They're mandatory reporters and have no skin in this game. A mandatory reporter is worth about a million of you.

If Grandma is NOT a danger, it's not an issue. If she IS an issue..call your local flavor of police/CPS/etc and ask for a welfare check.

Here's the thing...if you are in a no fault state, then she could be boning the guy IN YOUR OLD MARITAL BED with the kids in the next room...and the courts will not care. She could be boning a new guy at breakfast, lunch, and dinner...and the courts will not care.

Here's the situation I always use to explain it to friends who have gone thru the same thing...

In order for the courts to care...she'd have to be running a train in the bedroom...with a "now serving number" machine outside the door. She'd have to be doing that while the new boyfriend on parole is cooking meth in the kitchen, while the kids were forced to serve refreshments to the guys wanting in line to rail their Mom.

THEN...the courts MIGHT raise an eyebrow.

That's your standard for "neglect".

WartimeDad · 2023-05-28T19:32:00+00:00

Try to see an even bigger perspective. Unfortunately, there is not much you or the courts can do about a bad mother. The courts won’t bother with anything unless it’s essentially brutal neglect. Not the type of neglect you are describing. The bigger perspective is that you have no control over that. You will be the stable force in these kids lives. You know that. Therefore continue to be that. Your focus should not be distracted by her actions, that you cannot control.

You will get 50/50 or damn close to it, and you don’t need this evidence. The path is to simply not give up. Always be calm and rational and patient. But never yield to her absolutely absurd demands regarding child custody. That you can control.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-05-28T15:18:56+00:00

My friend. I went through a 3.5 year custody battle to end up in huge pile of debt. I fought the fought, including hiring the PI, expensive lawyers, therapists, etc.

My advice? Settle ASAP. Give her custody, accept every other weekend, and move on with your life. Ohterwise you will be financially destroyed and have to suffer and pay back your legal debts.

The kids will eventually grow up and no amount of "custody" will prevent them from making their own decisions. A kid can walk out on you at 13/14 and no judge will force them to stay with you.

Move on my friend and save your money.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2023-05-30T07:36:36+00:00

A redditor mentioned using someone to remotely to investigate them. Just needs their phone numbers and IG, FB handles and 500$ on cash app. Sounds like a scam and illegal with the federal wiretapping laws. She has a restraining order so I cannot follow or anything online, I blocked her on IG so she can’t accuse me of that. The actual PI near me charges a 1k retainer and is licensed so it’s admissible in court.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2023-05-29T00:50:34+00:00

Why did you leave the house?

Title	Private Investigator?
Author	Any-Dare-7261
Upvotes	9
Comments	21
Date	May 28, 2023 10:53 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13txitc/private_investigator/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/private-investigator.1220553 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220553

Comments